I 30f have a friend 31f let’s call her Hannah. We are not that close but friends via a mutual friend 32f who we are both close with. They went on a trip recently with other girlfriends and I was not included/invited.I invited Hannah to my birthday and she no showed. In the past she would invite me out but always at the last minute eg. she would be out for drinks with people and text me at 10pm “come meet us”.. I never went because I don’t find that nice to be excluded from the original plan and be an afterthought. We never got too much closer but fairly friendly. I do consider her my friend.
Anyway, I am invited to her xmas party in december that Hannah and out mutual friend coplanned but its gonna be at Hannah’s. The mutual friend let me know it’s Hannah’s bday this weekend but I was not invited. I honestly feel a bit off now going to her xmas thing. Is it petty? I am starting to get the feeling Hannah does not actually like me.
We also have several other mutual friends however in general, I have doing my own thing more and trying to make other friends as I do not fit in the best with this group of friends, they are all super into partying still while I have moved toward doing more one on one things with friends, hobbies like fitness, not drinking as much, etc. Am I rude if I don’t go to their xmas? The mutual friend who co-planned would probably be upset with me if I do not go.
TLDR; friend of friend giving me mixed signals and unsure if I want to attend her christmas party. Unsure if I should reconsider or if my intuition is correct?
10 comments
If there are others going that you want to hang out with then go.
Adulting is weird. You are going to have this happen a lot. My husband and I call people like her Tier 3 friends. Tier 1 are your ride or die friends. Tier 2 are friends that you only see occasionally, but genuinely enjoy spending time with, and Tier 3 is that when there is a big public event you say hello and are friendly, but that’s about as close as I want to get.
If invited by a Tier 3 I look at the guest list and decide from there.
So Hannah’s actions alone should be evident she has some issue with you. Out of self respect for yourself I suggest you should not go. And these other fronds that are supposedly following Hannah and keeping hush about gatherings and stuff aren’t so nice either. Staying silent is essentially siding with Hannah. I suggest, if you want to, ask Hannah straight up, and if she’s just gonna make some lame ass excuse to hate on you and exclude you from gatherings, maybe get some new friends.
And I’ve been in this situation and I didn’t understand in the moment it was a blessing in disguise. I was left out of get togethers and found out these two girls were jealous bullies that cheated on their boyfriends and were jealous of my relationship with my boyfriend.
Please life is too short to chase around some shitty friends, if she’s shown you her true colours now, and you guys make up, she will just do it again.
If you don’t want to go, don’t go. I agree, their actions kind of seem like they treat you as an afterthought, which isn’t fair to you. If you find that you are growing in another direction, embrace it! These just aren’t your people any more and that’s okay! Life evolves and the people in your life change with it. Find your new friend group that appreciate your current interests and I think you’ll be a lot happier.
It’s your call. Why not see who’s on the guest list for the Xmas party to see if it interests you.
Also you could just use it as a backup plan if no other options present their selfs. What can it hurt to go if people you like will be there?
I wouldn’t go. You obviously care way more about the friendship than she does.
You said it yourself…she’s not your friend. There is zero obligation for you to show up at any of her events and vice versa. End of discussion.
Go. Keep the friends you like. Don’t isolate yourself from social activities.
You seem to not like Hannah all that much. She doesn’t like you that much. I mean like as friends. You are acquainted closely through mutuals.
You are welcome at her Christmas party thanks to your friend. Go. Fuck Hannah.
Keep making other friends and keep the ones you really like close and bond closer with them and make efforts
If they blow you off understand that this is the age when friend groups disapate.
It’s not rude if you don’t go. Tbh I’m 33 and the last few years, I’ve shifted more toward my family and just wanting to do more wholesome things in general. Partying, drinking, staying up all hours of the night etc are all a thing of the past for me. I want to be around people who I really care for and connect with and spend my time on them and doing things that really matter. So I don’t see where you’re growing as being a problem or being rude if you choose not to be around people who don’t fit into your idea of that.
Well you seem entitled right now.
First of all you said you two ain’t close but friends via a mutual. Why does she have to invite you to her birthday party or a trip if she doesn’t consider you her close friend 🤷🏼♀️
You’re 30 not 18/20, stop making it soemthing that’s not. Make other friends, enjoy life, free your heart and have fun. It’s not as deep as you’re trying to make it seem.
Everyone can’t make you their close friend, and it’s totally fine, it doesn’t make them a bad person.
I had this happen with me with a mutual friend.. who then befriended several people I introduced her to and I had known forever. She’s invite them out all the time but not me. Honestly I don’t care if it’s immature of me, it sucks.. it’s annoying.. I wish I weren’t hung up on it but I am. I think that you’re within your rights not to go to the party.. but since your other friend is cohosting I think you should go if you’d enjoy other company there