**Problem right now:** He kept talking about how much he likes swimming another time and yesterday, and I said I do too, but I haven’t been swimming in years. I then say as a joke `”What do you want to see me without makeup or something?`” Which was a joke as I’m not actually insecure about this (and only take 10min to do my makeup anyhow). *Note: This was over the phone on a call, as we live in different cities my family is from where he is from we meet on one date.*
**He then later sent me a text message saying this exact thing:**
`”I’m not asking you questions with the strange intention of seeing you naked, I’m just trying to get to know you better. Please don’t judge me so pointlessly, because sometimes you can be hurtful without realising it. Also, I like swimming very much. Goodnight.”`
Thing is I never mentioned anything about being naked or bodies in general, nor did I state he had bad intentions. I’m getting an off vibe from him constantly saying “What do you think I’m not sinere or have bad intentions?”
I have discussed this with him and we agreed that next time I will say if something makes me uncomfertable. He also agreed that he will tell me if he thinks im being rude without defending himself. He takes accountability only after I’ve told him I don’t like something or explain why. He get’s defensive and doesn’t apologise for making me uncomfertable immediatly. But he does try to fix it once I explain.
**The point;**
I feel like he is being unreasonable for constantly being defensive or assuming I thought something I didn’t. It makes me uneasy that he assumes I assumed something I did not assume. It also makes me THINK he has bad intentions as he keeps mentioning it.
**Worth mentioning:**
I have a hard time trusting people right away, but I have never said he is untrusthworthy. I’ve only put bounderies like saying: We need to get to know eachother more first and that I won’t visit him straight away. He another time took offense that I kept saying: We don’t know eachother that well yet.
He seems to be rushing a relationship a bit which is odd to me or seems desperate? But he is handsome, very fit and super smart (doing a phd). **He also does put effort into improving whatever I complain about, but I can’t help to feel this is a red flag.**
Different cultures also. (He isn’t jealous about my male friends might be worth to mention)
12 comments
He’s a baby. You’re already walking on eggshells.
If you care for this person, I think it’s worth having an open, honest conversation about. Otherwise, I think you are looking for a reason to walk away, which is fair, and if you don’t care about this person and it bothers you, you don’t need a reason, so break up.
With that aside, I think you both have walls up.
You are having trouble trusting.
He’s moving too fast, but it sounds like he possibly has been accused of being a player or something similar in his past, and is letting that get to him by assuming that you think that about him also. Or, he could be a jerk, who really is only interested in sex.
You won’t know unless you have a conversation with him and tell him what is concerning you, be vulnerable about your trust issues, and ask him to be vulnerable about where his issues are coming from with the off putting sexual comments.
I think it’s too soon to know for sure based on what you wrote so far, it could be that he had a very insecure ex so now he’s insecure about how to be or maybe he thinks his comments are helping you because maybe it worked or he thought it worked in the past with someone else either way I would definitely tread waters carefully
He mad
It sounds to me like he’s incredibly stressed that you’re going to think negatively of him and he’s overreacting. He’s not mature or experienced enough to understand what he’s doing and how it’s turning you away.
If you’re going to break up with him it might be good to make sure he fully understands why. It will help him in the long run.
Too difficult! Not worth the time if it is this difficult in the beginning !
Run.. Far and fast… Now.. Dont look back..
I think if you end up with him, you’re in for a bad relationship, a terrible marriage and a truly nightmarish divorce. Run at 12 mph girl.
Trust your gut. If you feel something is off don’t continue to see him.
These improvements will disappear the second he gets what he wants and I don’t just mean sex. Reason he keeps prodding is he’s testing the boundaries
which cultures?
Run girl RUN!