Today when my boyfriend got out of the shower I was just like “did you masturbate?” Cause he got me off this morning so I was hoping he did while I was working. He immediately went “no why” and I said “cause I wanted you to” and he was like… “maybe.” It kinda threw me off and I asked him why he lied. I just told him it seemed weird and he was like ask Reddit if people typically have shame about that. So here I am lol. He wasn’t raised religious anything, and I’m not upset that he lied it just seemed odd.
To preface, I’m a very sexually open person and keep my toys laying around. I by no means was coming off accusatory, I was genuinely just curious. What are your alls thoughts?
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Society tends to shame masturbation. Far too many partners are jealous, possessive, act like masturbation is all but (or truly is) cheating. So many people tend to hide the fact that they masturbate, despite the fact that almost all humans do it.
In college, my girlfriend used to ask me to masturbate while she watched. It’s how we usually started. I went to pick her up one night for a date and there were 6 other girls there hanging out and partying. They offered me some weed and suddenly my girlfriend says He jerks off all the time. I said no I don’t! They all laughed. She said Show them. I said no but about 20 minutes later I was standing naked and going to town on it.
What I wouldn’t just openly tell my partner that I had masturbated, but if he asked, I don’t know why I would lie.
As a knee jerk reaction, most people have been trained to deny masturbating or at the very least do their best to hide it. It’s not really something your ever want to be caught doing or want someone to know that you just did, outside of specific kinks. Romantic relationships are an exception in life to have someone who you really don’t have to hide that kind of thing from, and even then it’s not at all consistent. It’s a very common issue to have a partner that feels some kind of way about your masturbation habits, as they see it as them not being enough, you listing after other people, etc.
not all partners are understanding and sometimes feel betrayed if they know their partner has positive self care habits.
I openly tell my partner if I’ve rubbed one out. It’s part of flirting as far as I’m concerned. He’s got free rein to have his own private time and knows he can ask if I want to join or not and I won’t be offended. We have sex sometimes where all it is is one of us rubbing one out while the other watches and touches but doesn’t get off themselves. It’s all good.
My partner and I are open about and totally comfortable with the fact that we both do it.
However, we both tend to respect it as the other person’s own private business and don’t really ask or tell about it. It feels natural to draw a distinct line between our shared sex life and one’s personal sexual activities.
No. Honestly I like to use it as a way to flirt sometimes. Like sending him a text after telling him I always cum harder when I’m fantasizing about him. Or an audio note but only because he knows better than to listen to it publicly. Sometimes I’ll masturbate while he’s in the other room and ask him if he wants to join for round two. I think recognizing that the need for masturbation is about your connection to your own body, and sex is about your connection with another person and treating them as totally separate needs helps a lot.
I do tell him when I’m turned on, and sometimes he helps via text. … except toward the beginning when we were both insatiable and would sext while pleasing ourselves.
He always thinks it’s a waste of cum if it’s not inside me. 🤭🫣
I do. But i also do it in front of her too.
I don’t when we have a healthy active sex life. When we were struggling and I wasn’t putting out, I hid it. I was sad, frustrated, and kind of embarrassed, but at that point in time masturbating was fast and easy and got me off, and he was in a bad place mentally and wasn’t focusing on my needs. Now we’re great again, and when I do it I usually send pictures and sext him. One day I did it on the phone while he was in his car at his lunch break.
We don’t hide it, we do it together.
I don’t ask my partner whether or not he does when I’m not there, but sometimes he tells me without me asking. He might tell me what he was thinking of or if he was watching something, and I love it.
Sometimes we send each other pictures when we’re doing it. I love that too.
We don’t live together, hence a lot of personal space.
In previous relationships this has not been discussed, nor shared.
I definitely do not hide it. I often masturbate with my wife in the room (she doesn’t mind). I think it’s best to be completely open and honest with your partner.
My fella can tell if I’ve just rubbed one out cos I get quite pink flushed skin afterwards, but I usually tell him anyways as he likes how horny i am
My husband doesn’t hide it but I do !
Yo your man got you off, return the favor lol
I hide it. I’m shy.
I do hide my masturbation from my wife, but only because she doesn’t want the details. She knows there is a standing invitation for her to join me if she is in the mood.
Nah, I tell her when I’m doing it. She loves it.
My partner has talked about this to his friends and most of them are too shy for it . I am absolutely Open to him doing it because we’ve talked about it and it opens up the opportunity for the partner to jump in and be part of it. I think it’s sexy. However I will say I probably wouldn’t have felt that way when I was younger. I was a little more prude unfortunately back then, but now it’s fair game
Nope, she likes to watch
I don’t try and hide it, but I’m not randomly bringing it up either. If she asks, I’ll be honest.
Yes for me masterbation is private, although I have did it with my wife several times
There’s a weird culture on masturbation. Usually towards women, but men have a weird hangup on it too (don’t touch it, you’ll go blind.).
Some women are also weird with their partner masturbating (and vice versa, but I’m talking about OPs relationship here). Some women see it as betrayal as something that should be done together. Some even compare it to porn or assume their partner is watching porn. I’ve even heard some people say it’s cheating.
So I’m not surprised his gut reaction was to lie. And by his response of “maybe,” it seems he’s a little shy on that front? Or maybe he said it teasingly? I just hope it wasn’t in a sad tone.
As we know, masturbation is not only ok, but it’s actually healthy for the body. You get a rush of all the good hormones, but for men, especially, it can help with preventing prostate troubles.
I’d have a chat with him, say that you don’t mind him having a wank without you, that you like the thought he’s getting off, and ask him to try his best to not say the first thought in his head when asked about it.
I’m a girl and I deny it. I’ve been in plenty of relationships where the men got mad because “I should of just went to them instead”. Now I lie and say that I don’t do it just so I don’t have to worry about hurting their ego or me getting yelled at.
I personally don’t see it as something to hide from from partners because I see it as just a regular solo activity that I do sometimes, but I can see why other people would hide it from their partners. Western society kinda raises us to believe that when we find “the one”, that person will be all we ever need from then on out, and that we’ll never have to masturbate again because we’ll have someone who can and should always take care of our sexual needs. Plus I’ve heard way too many stories about one partner getting offended after finding out the other still masturbates sometimes.
All to say, it’s totally normal to feel shame around it! I just don’t think you should have to!
Some people feel the need to lie and it always bugs me out, like what’s the reason? Often I think it can be an addiction to it. I’m honest about it, but I can see the idea of people having shame, honesty past shame is important with a partner not the whole world of Reddit.
I will admit I am jealous to most of those who have replied to this post. I hide it. I have to. My wife considers it equal to cheating.
Seems like a weird and very forward unprompted question out of the blue question to ask, so not surprised by his reaction.
My thoughts are you need to work on your communication and delivery if you think that’s a nice conversation starter.
He hasn’t done it when we’re in the same room, but he does when I’m definitely not around him. He just doesn’t wanna tell me all the time when he does, yet I tell & show him a pic to be spontaneous LOL we have talked about mutual masturbation with each other but hadn’t happened yet.
Depends how you feel about HOW he got off. Mental imagery of you or watching porn etc.
he is trying to protect your feelings by not admitting to it. Being a nice guy etc. was probably embarrassed by immediate question.
communicate how you both feel about it.
Depends, as a guy if I’m just jerking it I personally keep to myself but if my wife walks in I’m not gonna hide it.
On the other hand anal masterbation is a very ritualistic and private thing that by no means do I want anyone walking in on. It’s nothing to do with shame mind you, it’s just something very personal.
generally, male masturbation is viewed as failure (he couldn’t get someone to have sex with him), and female masturbation is “empowering” (she needs no man!). just imagine the general attitudes towards male sex toys vs. female sex toys. that is not right, but ingrained into the culture and minds nonetheless.
Jesus. I read that as parents and only clued in after reading the paragraph for a bit. I was trying to figure out if I was weird bc I am thinking most people would hopefully hide masturbating from their parents!
Nah, we are completely open. He’ll be gaming on the PC next to our bed with his buddies, and I’ll just start going at it lmao.
If either of us walks in on the other, we give a look asking if they want us to join… the s deer is virtually always yes.
And we do it next to each other in bed while the other is sleeping. Sometimes he wakes up and immediately thinks what he heard was me crying 😂
When I hear him going at in the shower, I put on some Aviator sunglasses, then forcefully pull back the shower curtain and say “SHOWER COP! Hands in the air!” 💀 He tries to hide the aviators from me sometimes so I can’t do it (I won’t do it without the glasses), and it’s basically just s fun game for us. Once I went months without doing it, and he was like “where has shower cop been lately? 🥺” lmao
We talked about all of this in the beginning though to discuss how we wanted to handle things and establish blanket consent. We’re both just super open, so we don’t really have many boundaries around it tbh
This! Just today I went in my bedroom closed the door and masterbated. 10 mins later my husband texts . “Why don’t you ever ask me to join?” Then the guilt creeps in. I guess I feel like I have to hide it because he gets weird about it. I don’t like that I have to hide it. We are all adults and deserve privacy without feeling you are doing something wrong.