Thank you all for the insight, and I now see where I was unreasonable in my request.
To clear up a few points:
My husband does not have a passion for medicine. He wanted to teach music. He drummed all through HS, played in a band and we have a drum set in our garage. My husband failed out of the music program due to mental health and a dependency issue. He then decided that he wanted to be a paramedic so he could “drive fast.” My husband has stated multiple times that it’s the title he is after, he wanted to be a doctor as well. He also wants to sell real estate, open a drumming studio, house hack….
I can see where me asking him for stability was unreasonable given his career path but I think it was my crude attempt at stabilizing my family and feeling like I have even the slightest amount of control over my own life. I gave up my job as a child abuse investigator so he could be a nurse. He has made it clear he would not do the same if he were in my shoes.
We have decided to divorce but he will not sign the papers until he graduates because he doesn’t trust that I will keep my promise of staying home so he can attend school 🤷🏻♀️
5 comments
I have been a nurse for 18yrs. I have never had a job where I work 5, 8hr shifts with nights and weekends off. That’s just not typical nursing hours. There are no “off” times in our job. My typical week involves some early mornings, some late nights and Saturdays. We are open on holidays, and I currently work in a clinic. It’s just not the hospital that has these hours. It’s just healthcare. You may not want this for your relationship but it’s the profession he chose. It’s going to be an adjustment but you can still have a happy home life. We raised two girls with me working this schedule. I think you are just going to have to support him and the career he chose. I think having 3-4days off a week is pretty awesome! I also wanted to add, during my first yr of nursing I worked night shift and my marriage did fine. 🙂 First year out of nursing school is hard! Just have patience and support. Try not to make him feel bad for working the hours necessary in healthcare.
I think it’s largely out of his control, especially for a new nurse without seniority.
I don’t know how much you can control your partner’s career. They are the ones who have to do it day in and day out and so they get more of a choice in what they do. If nurses do 12 hours, it’s usually 3-4 days a week or alternating, three days one week and 4 days the other. That leaves a lot of family time. A lot of hospitals will pay off a nurse’s student loans and a lot offer some pretty hefty sign-on bonuses. That debt may go away quicker than you think.
Work at home as a nurse is possible. I have a friend who does it, but she put in the years in a clinical setting first. I don’t know if that’s necessary, but I would think some experience working in a hospital would be required.
There are zero hospital jobs for nurses that have no nights or weekends; especially for a new graduate. 3 -12 hr shifts is absolutely the norm. There are no 8 hr shifts or 10 hr shifts. His first 12 weeks working (at minimum) will be on orientation and he will be following someone else’s schedule; meaning his preceptor picks their days/nights to work and he doesn’t have a say in it unless it’s emergent/preplanned before starting. Also, even if he works days, he would most likely not be home until 7:30-8pm AT THE EARLIEST depending on his commute. Being a PA would have put him working the same, if not more hours. I hate to say the obvious but you could have research both of these jobs and figured the hours out and what the entail before marrying him. You are being unreasonable with your request unfortunately, because like he said you knew (or should have known/researched) before getting married and having children with him.
It sounds like medicine is his calling. He’s probably upset about the fact that PA school didn’t work out for him. He wants to help people, see and do cool shit-not take temperatures at an urgent care. The upside to this is by working 12 hour shifts he will usually have an extra full day at home with his family every week. So instead of working 5 8’s he could do 3-4 12’s and be home more with you.