My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. She’s the smartest, prettiest and kindest person I know. We live together, have our future goals aligned, and I don’t see myself being with anyone else but her. I need advice on how I can handle this issue, or be told whether it’s a real issue or an insecurity.
We met 5 years ago in university when we were in the same accounting class, she was a freshman and I was a sophomore. She was the girl that would always stay after class and ask a bunch of questions to the professor, and even chat about daily life with him. This was the main reason I couldn’t approach her the first couple months I saw her: she was busy chatting with the professor and I couldn’t wait 20 mins for them to be done to talk to her. Somehow I got her attention in this semester and we started dating, but even as her boyfriend I couldn’t get her attention after classes. I’d ask her what could she be possibly asking that much since she got the highest grades all the time anyway. I was weirded out by their relationship since the beginning, and I asked questions like that to maybe get something from her, specifically I just wanted to hear she had a crush on him- to validate my feelings. But no, it was always “For the first time I’m good at something I actually like, I’m not letting this go.” She stayed on the accounting path after this class. She took a couple more classes from him, and they got friendlier each year. Our relationship was also developing so it was less of a concern for me, I just accepted it as it is and she gave me no reason not to trust her.
5 years later, my issue is still with this professor. In her graduation, she spent an hour talking to him, and I saw him consoling her because she started crying. The whole time I was sitting with her parents trying to distract myself and not watch them. I thought this would be over after she graduated. She never intended to stay in the country after graduation and I wanted to do my MBA somewhere else as well, so we moved countries. I’m doing my MBA and she’s doing her masters in accounting, planning to take the CPA exam later. And she’s never cut contact with the professor. He got his PhD in this country we live in now so they have this new topic to talk about. Whenever we go back to Korea she sees him. He knows her parents, what they do for a living, her past, her plans for the future, her relationships with friends and I; and honestly I’m scared he’s being a better “partner” to her than I am at this point. I met him a couple of times and he did remember me, but mainly knows me as her boyfriend as I was just another student to him.
I know almost everything they talk about, she doesn’t hide anything from me, he’s in his 50s, and although he is objectively a good looking man I don’t see anything happening between them. Logically I know I have really nothing to worry about. But I know he has so much love for her, I can see it. It’s like he feels this obligation to be there for her for anything, support her, love her. Why does he think she needs this from him knowing I’m in the picture? I want a future with her, get married, have a family. I don’t want him be a part of our life long term. After some point (graduation), didn’t he offer all he could anyway?
I know you will tell me to bring it up to her, but I never had a time where I could bring this up and have it come from a valid point. Whenever she talks to him, she tells me she just talked to him and excitedly tells me what they talked about. When we’re back in Korea to see friends and family, she tells me she’s seeing him this day and if I’d like to join. If I don’t join them (mostly because I feel like it’s a pity invite) she tells me afterwards he asked how I was doing and what I was up to. So, she hasn’t done anything wrong where I could bring this issue up and not sound jealous and crazy. I can’t tell her I’ve seen them talk one on one and noticed how he looks at her, how happy she gets when talking about him, and I’m most ashamed about: how I think if she was single they could actually be together.
I’m not a jealous boyfriend. We both have friends from the opposite gender, we’re not attached at the hip, she’s an independent person, very type A and in our 5 years of being together, neither of us had issues with trusting each other around other people. I just don’t see the reason for this man being a part of our lives anymore. I’m sorry this was long winded, my feeling about this got more intense recently because her getting her masters in accounting only made them communicate more often.