I try so hard in my friendships. I make time to hangout, I organize gatherings, I remember people’s birthdays and important events, I find ways to celebrate that I think they’ll appreciate, I check in on them, I do fun stuff with them and support them when they’re down. I try so hard to listen and direct the conversation towards them and things they enjoy talking about.
I went through something very traumatic last night and I tried to tell my 2 best friends. First friend: sorry you went through that. Nothing else was said, he didn’t offer any support or anything. Second friend: I asked if they could talk about something important and they said no they’re going to sleep. Which is fine but they didn’t even ask to talk about it in the morning?
Are my expectations too high? I don’t want to tell anyone else, I feel crushed that the two people I hangout with all the time have no care for me it seems. I’m so lost, what am I doing wrong? Am I unlikeable?
3 comments
From what I’ve realized so far in life (23) is that problems should go to your family. But if it’s problems within a family, then that should go to the person who is the absolute closest to you. If that person does not show any care then a therapist, which is expensive, would be the logical thing in my opinion.
I hope you can find some closure with the traumatic event. Take care of your health!
The truth is, at that age, people only want to be around for the good times. So if your not offering a good time, they won’t be interested.
You’re doing all of the mechanics of what friend do (organizing, birthdays, reaching out, celebrating, checking, supporting, listening, caring etc.) However, you have done all of that before making any actual friends. The friendship has to come first, not all of the friendship mechanics and ‘being nice.’
The people in your life are at best casual friends. Otherwise they’d be very concerned with wanting to support you when you’re down. So you’re putting all this effort into people who aren’t that connected to you. The key here is that you are PRESENT in their lives (which gives the illusion of friendship), but you are not that CONNECTED to them. So when the chips are down, they are indifferent. That’s what you’re seeing. And it hurts!
So I’d say it’s time to go out and make some real friends, people who actually reciprocate and care about you.
I don’t know if you have any sense of feeling awkward, but there are some tips and strategies in the second half of this article that will really help you connect better with people. And sorry for the traumatic event! That can really knock you off your feet, and it does help to talk it through with someone you trust.
Anyway here’s the article:
###[Can Awkwardness Be Cured?](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/12uss2o/can_awkwardness_be_cured/)