Edit: Wow I totally butchered that title. If you want to have any idea how bad my social skills are, just know that my real life self verbally talks in the same way. Thanks ADHD word jumble.
No, I don’t mean “relax and smile” type of advice (even though it’s appreciated)!
I mean, elearning websites, online accessible books and resources for learning how to communicate in the retail world, corporate, as a cashier, at a grocery, as a customer, etc.
I don’t struggle with being shy, I’m just severely autistic and I don’t know what to say in a real-world situation.
I’ve been told to go see an occupational therapist if my social skills are that bad but I want to know what free resources there are too.
7 comments
The only answer is practice. You can learn all the tips and techniques in the world, but until you decide to wake up everyday and make a fool of yourself, it all counts for nothing. Accept that you will fail. Understand that practice is the only solution. Get comfortable being uncomfortable
Learn by do.
Throw shit wall. See what stick.
But must throw to learn.
Nah but for real. Social skills are very much something you learn by doing. Anything you pick up by reading will be greatly outweighed by real life experience.
Social skills are hard to quantify, and there is no recipe for a personality or a trait that makes eveybody like you. True social skills come from being flexible and capable of adapting to make yourself appealing to the people around you at any given time. You need to be able to identify what makes people tick, and because that differs so much between people, there is really no other way to learn other than by doing.
Any attempt to read your way to social skills apart from the very basics of body language and basic advice like ”people like talking about themselves” will be a waste of time. You can’t quantify social interactions because there is a functionally infinite amount of variables that impact how people interact. Social skills are possibly the single most complex non-physical skill you could possibly attempt to learn by reading. Even if what is said in a book is correct you still need to be able to make use of that knowledge.
Basically just find a way to get access to new people and just learn by doing. It will be more productive than anything you could possibly accomplish by reading. Yes, it’s probably good to learn about body language and the most basic tips, but apart from that, just talk to people and see how they react, see what patterns you find in positive vs negative interactions, see how you can keep someone talking and showing positive body language as long as possible, see what gets people smiling.
Social skills is all pattern recognition. They require you to be able to quickly analyze behavioral patterns and quickly find out what works and whya doesn’t. Social interactions don’t happen with every exchange of sentences or every word said. It’s a mostly subconscious thing that involves an uncountably large amount of variables every single second or millisecond.
Go into the world and observe/listen to how people talk. Be exposed to the spontaneously happening socialusation instead of basing stuff on scripted stuff (like character dialogues in series/miovies(.
Honestly face your fears, put yourself out there it may be brutal but damn sure will help you. Get a job in customer service.
I used to be so reserved, didn’t like to look people in the eyes so often, socially awkward. Near two years working in restaurants, well It was such an improvement! Never dreamt of making conversation so easly, engaging with people really well and stand my ground when I faced conflicts.
I still face some hardships but hey making baby steps 🙂
My shrink told me when people face this problems we usually direct them to so and so but nothing beats real life.
All these are garbage answers, so… From one sperg to another, here you go. If you can’t afford the books, go to the library.
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Watch this Youtube channel: [https://www.youtube.com/c/charismaoncommand](https://www.youtube.com/c/charismaoncommand)
Watch the older stuff, too. Think of this as like high school.
Look up Dale Carnegie and get all his books. They’re from a decades ago, but the advice is timeless. Think of this as like college.
Look up Robert Greene and read all his books – I’d recommend going in order of original publish date. Think of this like your post-graduate degree.
The book How to Win Friends and Influence People
Practice irl and you’ll get better. You will be awkward and stumble but you’ll get better.