Back in February, my bf and I went to a *spicy* club. While we were there, he got up to go to the bathroom. On the way back to our table, he got pulled aside by one of the girls. They sat down and were talking for 5 minutes. He pulled out his phone and was showing her stuff. At that point, I got up and left the club. I asked what she was doing on his phone, he completely gaslit me, denied anything happened. I later found out he not only followed her on his social media, but multiple other *workers* there. Women he had gotten dances from.
I felt so disrespected. I almost left, but he promised me he would do anything to regain the trust. Not even a month later, I went out of town without him. I looked at who he was following on his instagram and the first person is a *spicy* worker who literally lives in our area and sells her services there. He flat out denied he knew her, had the intention of paying for her services, etc. He just said he was curious and he had a fantasy and it got out of hand.
I again chose to stay. I recently checked his phone and while he was out of town he hit up a girl he used to have a thing with saying “hey stranger ;)” because she lives in the town he was visiting.
I feel so conflicted. I feel like I can’t move past these issues. I don’t trust him at all. I’m always worried about what he’s doing. I feel crazy. It got to the point I deactivated my instagram just so I could stop looking at his followers everyday. When I think about if he’s actually done anything to repair the damage, I’m left with hardly anything. We went to therapy a few times, but it was because I scheduled it and kept scheduling it. He says he doesn’t know how to repair the damage.
How do I handle this moving forward?
Tl;dr I can’t move past my BF violating my trust multiple times. Scared to move on.
4 comments
> I feel like I can’t move past these issues. I don’t trust him at all. I’m always worried about what he’s doing. I feel crazy. When I think about if he’s actually done anything to repair the damage, I’m left with hardly anything.
This is not how things are in a good relationship.
I know you are afraid, but you can’t move on until you let go. If you stay with him, he will continue to disappoint you.
I believe it’s time. That lifestyle is one that can be achieved with a lot of fun. But, the moment either of you are guilty or hiding something then it’s time to go. If he can’t be open and communicate everything with you then he’s not giving you the whole story. If the roles were flipped how would he handle the whole situation if you were being sneaky and gas lighting him? That trust is broken especially if he contacted an old fling without your knowledge. That’s where I would draw the line. If you are both down for that lifestyle and he can’t be honest with you, but also accept that some people and situations may make you uncomfortable to where you would rather him not participate and he goes behind your back and does whatever anyways, completely disregarding making you feel peace of mind and at ease, then he doesn’t deserve a woman like you. Your peace of mind and open communication both ways should be the main priority. If it’s not, he is his only priority.
Shoulda stayed gone the first time…
He doesn’t know how to “repair the damage” because he doesn’t want to. He enjoys his spicy clubs and his spicy girls. He doesn’t sound like very good relationship material.