I (24M) have been seeing this woman (22F) for around 2 months now.
We connect in multiple different ways mentally, physically (we waited 2 months for this), emotionally, have good communication, and are attracted to each other. Around 1 month in, we had the talk, and she said she didn’t want us to have any expectations. I told her I was happy going with the flow to see where that lead. As my feelings started getting deeper for her and growing, we started becoming more intimate. I told her how much I admired her character, and how i like our connection. She complimented me on many occasions as well, saying how she enjoys spending time with me, she spent money on taking me out to dinner, spa, etc.
When I brought up the topic of exclusivity she said she didnt feel the need to claim me as her, and that i was free to see other people. She said she wouldn’t see others unless there was someone she really connected with and that she wasn’t seeing anyone right now.
Today, I asked her what she thought of our dynamic, and she said that she had pretty deep feelings for me, but that she couldn’t give me what I wanted, which is a relationship, because she needs to focus on herself.
I told her I needed space and, I dont think I’ll see her again, because my heart hurts knowing the connection we have but that it won’t lead to anything deeper or committed until she feels ready, and it’s a state of allowing her full entry into my heart to do whatever she wants with it.
I dont plan on talking to her, and I don’t think her mind will change either.
Did I make the right choice? Any tips or advice or insight would be much appreciated.
3 comments
You want different things. Instead of taking space, break up. You can thank her for the time you’ve spent, acknowledge that you are looking for a relationship, and wish her the best in the future. You don’t need to effectively ghost her by saying you need space. Needing space suggests you’ll be back to talk. It might help you move on if you close the door.
You are doing the right thing. It takes a lot of strength to stick to your guns on something like this. She is basically telling you she is keeping her options open and you aren’t the one, but she wants to keep you in her back pocket. It’s good you recognized it was time to cut your losses.
You’re in the right. I stuck around for someone like this and when they finally “decided” they wanted to date me, it was only because they got the talking to other people out of their system. Do you want to feel like a back up option? That’s essentially what she’s saying. Nothing wrong with dating around, but it seems like you’re on the back burner/she likes keeping you as an option. When I continued seeing someone like this and FINALLY dated them, it created some serious self worth issues on my part. Even if the relationship is good, you may question it. I ended up breaking her heart due to this issue because, alas, I never truly knew if she wanted me, or if I was just the safe option. Don’t be like me, choose someone who is in alignment with you. You did the right thing.