Hello everyone,
I started dating again and I was wondering about other people’s opinions on this topic.
For the record, I have never cheated on any partner. However, I have been cheated on. I have also met people who openly admitted to having cheated in their previous relationship.
Would you consider this an immediate dealbreaker? In terms of abuse within the previous relationship, I feel conflicted about the concept of cheating. That being said, I have also been in abusive relationships and did not cheat on my partners…so….not sure.
I’m just not sure what to think. I do believe that people deserve a chance to redeem themselves, but I don’t know about everything.
Please let me know what you think!
Thank you! Stay safe and well <3
12 comments
Yeah, what makes you think they wouldn’t cheat on you if a specific situation happens they did it before
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Total dealbreaker
it’s a dealbreaker. integrity is hard to gain back once you lose it and i have no reason to believe they wouldn’t do the same to me.
Yes immediate deal breaker someone else can give them a chance but not me.
YUP
For me yeah how am I supposed to trust if I know you can’t be trusted
Context matters here. You cannot lump all cheaters into the same category. How long ago did it happen? How old were they when they cheated? Have they’ve been in relationships since? If so, what was the nature of those relationships? Do they seem like a genuinely good person and regretful of their actions?
Those are all very pertinent to whether it’s a deal breaker or not. Saying ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ seems very silly to me and gives no room for nuance. No one applies that saying to any other behavior than cheating. Have you ever heard anyone say ‘once an addict always an addict’? No because there’s always an inherent hope that people can change their lives. Would I recommend you date someone whose 35 and last cheated 6 months ago? Of course not. Just as I wouldn’t recommend you date an addict that’s been sober for a week. But if given sufficient time since the last ‘incident’, the person is clearly entirely different and express remorse then in no way would that be a red flag. It could be a very very faint yellow flag but that’s about as bad as I’d peg it
I get wanting to protect yourself and just play it safe. That makes sense. But to hold someone’s past against them that they did years ago seems uncalled for. What if someone, like me, last cheated in a relationship in their early 20s, it’s been 10 years they haven’t cheated since (or before that relationship) and they’re a completely different person? I certainly wouldn’t give 2 shits. In fact, if someone is open and voluntarily willing to admit what they did in the past, that would
Make me only trust them even more. No one Is forced to admit they cheated in the past but if someone admits it without being prompted, I’d say that’s a good sign they’ve matured since (of course context dependent)
Depends. That would lose respect for me. I think if the person was very remorseful about it and it happened once then maybe.
Yes, dump them.
No. It’s human nature, and everybody makes mistakes. I’d be concerned about people who can’t admit to having any flaws or past mistakes, however.
I think it depends. Did they take responsibility and express genuine remorse? Or did they make excuses? Was it a wife/live-in girlfriend or a long-distance relationship?
Did they say that they cheated because their partner was abusive? Do you have evidence of abuse?
Basically it comes down to whether or not you think this person is credible.