So I am super lonely and depressed of my non-existent social life. Even though I have alot of “friends” but what they do is always dissapoint me with not inviting me anywhere only on 1on1s when they feel they need me.
So I need to make friends going outside.
But the problem is my self-esteem is so low that I can’t wrap my head around going outside to make new friends. That action is pretty much confirming that I am as bad that I dont have friends.
Also making new friends seems a fake activity, either you fit in or not. And when I try to make friends, it always seems super temporary and from that it feels super meaningless.
I am pretty confident that I am narc about having friends because I know logically I have many good qualities, but having none of the friends hits the self-esteem and I need your insights to fix it
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Just because I know how awesome I am, means nothing to those I interact with. It’s what I do, and how I make their life better defines how much time they want to spend with me. I can’t expect my friends cater to my good qualities.
Self-esteem doesn’t come from knowing what qualities I have. It comes from within, the part that doesn’t overthink and over-process my attributes and qualities. Also that same core doesn’t over-process relationships and connections, the idea is connect with people on heart-to-heart level and improve overall experience. I think this might be the reason why making new friends might feel superficial, because when over-processing the interaction it turns into me assessing what I will get out of it. So it’s no longer based on current experience, and instead is focused on transaction of experiences.