How come anytime I’m nice to someone they act indifferent but whenever I act distant they become nicer? What’s the logic

24 comments

  2. If you are appearing distant it signals you are distressed and may need support. Appearing happy indicates that you are fine

  3. Some people think nice people are lies and fakes. Even if they are not. A lot of people get screwed over by others and trust no one. The last person you would want to be good to in that way of perspective is a nice person. Now, I don’t really know if that’s the case but I do know there’s many sayings about nice people. Like, nice guys finish last. Nice people get pushed around and used. A lot of people have two sides to them and nice persons opposite would be a nightmare to have in your life. So, people in the world usually fight one another for what ever you want to call the game and nice people are not gonna win. There’s certainly a place for them. But maybe people want your attention and when you’re indifferent you respond postiviely with attention to nice people. So I don’t know, just be you if its nice or not. Nice people get over on others in their own way.

  4. Nice/kind should be default and unless it’s not how you usually are people won’t take notice of it. If you’re nice to everyone it’s to be expected of you and doesn’t indicate anything to take particular interest in.

  5. i’m scared of overtly nice people. what do they want from me in return? to be overtly nice back to them? i have enough obligations in my life, please, spare me

  6. We are like a mirror and sometimes people that have low self estime, when a rrond us , see their incapacities.

    Most hates me, i analise my self and i belive i’m a good person to the ones that are good too me…

  7. I’d love to ask a similar question to women. As a guy, why is it that the douchebags get more attention but being nice usually doesn’t get me very far? I’ve tried both methods and can confirm being a dick somehow gets me more women. I just want a nice relationship, sigh

  8. They act indifferent because they feel you expect something in return of your niceness, which is not very nice

  9. Partially I think a lot of people don’t like to think anyone around is mad at them, so are trying to make sure that isn’t the case.

    Also, being “nice” isn’t really a guarantee for people to interact with you, they have to be interested in engaging with you. Its only one piece of the puzzle. Confidence, friendliness, attractiveness, sense of humor, worldliness (idk how to phrase this, someone with life experience/interests that has good stories to tell) and social skills all play a role.

  10. People acting nice might be

    1. People pleasers which is a mental issue.

    2. They are acting nice to be manipulative in getting what they want.

    3. Toxic positivity. Sometimes nice does not relate to nice the other person might recognize.

    4. Virtue signalling. They just say it, but they do nothing.

    ​

    The other person

    1. The other person might have a low self esteem and not even be able to know why you are nice to them. And the other person would feel guilt or shame.

    2. The other person might have a lack of social skills and does not know how to reciprocrate.

    3. Fear of abandonment. It’s like being unworthy of the nice person. And fear the nice person would leave them.

  12. Im not sure i don’t have the same issue its the other way around for me. I do think maybe some people are more ‘concerned’ by distant behavior and a lot of people want attention / to be recognized even if its subconscious, but idk.

    Also I think being nice without other positive qualities and having no boundaries can make people think less of them (take advantage), but i defo only think that happens when people are nice without having many other positives traits/ not having boundaries to protect them (being nice with no boundaries causes so many problems to people and i think it can lead to resentment). I think I read somewhere there is a difference between nice and kind and that niceness (without boundaries) can Sometimes come from people pleasing/ wanting approval rather than being genuine.

    Also unfortunately its a very shallow world, a lot people just want to be around attractive people and have fun / excitement.

  13. People want other people to like them. So when you act distant, they will try to make you like them because they think you don’t. If you act nice, they already know you like them so they don’t care.

  14. Apparently in some cultures being nice makes people perceive you as less intelligent (France). I find this stupid in all honesty and people who take niceness for granted or take advantage get a strike in my book.

  15. Mostly because people expect something to be asked of them from the niceness. People suspect it’s a front and a lot of times, it is.

    And obviously, they’re easier to stamp on. Who will you find less resistance with- the guy who only smiles and moves on, or the fellow who makes a ruckus at every little inconvenience?

  16. Being distant or aloof can make a person seem more mysterious or interesting. People can take “nice people” for granted because they don’t cause any friction in their day to day.

  18. Because nice is the default. Being distant is not deemed as a default. Things that are not default tend to get attention.

    Note that what behaviour is default depends on the culture.

  19. I met this girl recently and she reminds me of myself, she is VERY nice, friendly, smiley to the point it’s annoying.

    And now I get why people get that reaction. It seems too much for someone you just met.

    I had people ask me why I’m smiling so much ( when there is no need) but it’s just my default setting.

    But when I have a bitch face on people fight for my approval.

  20. Idk about nice but being a people pleaser is unattractive because it subconsciously means you are trying to gain favor by being fake because you have nothing else to offer and youre trying to gain validation because youre insecure instead of from a place of strength or something

  22. I was talking about this w my fiancé just the other day. I was worried because I feel like I don’t have close friends. Over the years I’ve become nicer. I ask people about themselves because you always hear that people love talking about themselves and feeling heard. I check in on people. I help when they need it. Just a typical nice person. And it still doesn’t work lol.

    My fiancé brought up a good point. He said a lot of people want a challenge. If you’re super nice and attentive towards someone they already feel like they “won” you over. They don’t have to work towards being friends or attempt to “figure you out”.

  23. “Being nice” is often some kind of social engineering scam to try and get something from you at some point. Obligating you into a friendship, repayment or information in some way.

    Be wholesome and kind with the expectation that you are giving them your effort without any kind of reward. Don’t do things for free, but don’t obligate or expect something from others without an agreement.

    If you’re being nice to have a friendship, you’re obligating them and it’s not nice. If you’re targeting someone to befriend and hopefully create a relationship and they respond with being distant, you’re creeping them out.

  24. Are these people you’ve known for a while, or new people? I think being “nice” with new people can be seen as being too eager, like you’re trying to hard to be their friend. I’ve found that people are more attracted to those who don’t “need” to be their friend, maybe because it makes them seem like they’re already popular (an attractive trait).

    For the record, I’ll take nice over distant any day!

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