I never had friends growing up. Was always too shy and afraid of being rejected and mocked for even making the attempt. I was like this all the way through college. But in the last two years, I’ve managed to finally acquire a genuine group of friends. People that all live around me. I don’t see them as often as I’d like to, but we all keep in touch through Discord and it’s great.
But I’ll be darned if being with them in person isn’t my weak point. It’s like being in a room of angry wolves. Of course they don’t see it that way and all have their own issues and faults and all that. But, to me, that’s what it feels like. And anytime I’m with them, I usually just keep my mouth shut because a) I’m afraid I’ll say something stupid and b) I’m afraid I’ll say something stupid.
So a large part of me just thinks I’m better off not trying anymore. Not worth the stress and anxiety and all this worry. That I’m better off in the background like the wallflower I always have been. I’ll support them as much as I’m able like a good friend. But when it comes to all of us getting together, I feel I’m better off standing outside looking in or just being invisible.