I’ve always been worried that im not satisfying her and she basically just admitted that im not. She said she finds it hard to get in the mood because she dosnt know what i want her to do i told her you should do what you want then she replied she doesnt know what she wants.. i said how can you not know what you want and she then said she knows what she wants but she thinks im not into it. She didn’t want to get into details but im assuming its she wants me to hit and do all that rough stuff which im really not into, doing all that would probably make me go soft ngl.
She keeps saying its no big deal because she loves me but im not to convinced about that. She left her ex because she couldnt take the situation she was in anymore and i feel she’d do the same to me eventually or even start cheating.
She also basically said she only has sex with me because she feels bad not to
Her exact words were
” i find it hard to get in the mood but then i feel like i have to or i’ll feel bad for not doing anything”
6 comments
Homie i feel u i been in the same situation slowly work your way to it if you watched 50 shades of gray physical sex isnt always rough its sensual u gotta slowly arouse her isntead of trying to rush the process the more you prolong having sex with foreplay she can probably overlook whatever else she may not be comfortable with
Sex isn’t the most important thing, but it is important in a relationship. If you can’t satisfy her, she’s going to look for it somewhere else eventually. If she’s hesitant to share with you her desires, she already doesn’t see you as her sexual partner. Sounds like you’re super nice, don’t be. Some Women really love a man that takes charge, guides everything, be dominant, and have fun with it rather than vanilla sex which it seems you’re into and that is fine. At this point I think you be the person she wants you to be or it’s over. She’s going to end up leaving you.
It’s dumpy dump time. There are very few things that are worse than someone who doesn’t know what they want in bed.
Two power bottoms begging for a top to tell them what to do lol.
It does sound like you are the one irritating the situation with your (reasonable) insecurity. This insecurity and questioning is almost certainly worse than whatever issues you have in the bedroom and is more likely to drive her away if you don’t get it figured out.
Maybe try being more assertive in the bedroom or take turns being assertive and telling the other what to do? It sounds like you both want to please the other but aren’t sure how to actually do it which results in “meh” sex for her.
To answer your question: no, it can’t work.
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You’re incompatible and that’s fine, it’s no one’s fault. It’s only a problem if you decide to stay together in a relationship where you’re both unhappy with your sex lives at 25.
Ugh, reading the title I thought way worse…Ok, let’s start with one thing:
Did you get emotionally engaged since the beginning and/or are trying to develop something that goes beyond sex? if Yes, carry on reading, if you are just hooking up then maybe get ready to break up.
So, regarding sex, I think that you should listen to her, she said “she doesn’t know what she wants” which makes things way easier for you: YOU ARE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO HER.
So stop worrying! take it easy, stop asking questions all the time (wihch only makes you and her feel insecure) and roll with the flow, let things happen and experiment little by little, trying to find instead “what she might not like” and tick it out the checklist.
Maybe ask her to do something for you! like get on top, put on some fancy underwear, make her touch you or try on new positions
Regarding “doing rough things” I don’t know what you mean, but you don’t necessarily have to slap her or tug her hair. A strong firm grab on her thigh or butt is enough, as well as going harder/ faster, putting your weight on her, or grabbing her neck/face without clenching (in a tender way).
See, gender inequality sometimes goes the other way too, if there’s one thing we guys know is that if a girl we have suddently wakes up one day and wants to smash another dude, nothing will stop her, she can just open her legs and any guy will fall in between. Whereas we have to work hard to get between the legs of a girl we don’t know. But you know what? she chose you! and she is with you! think positive, be confident about your strenghts and the reasons you are the right guy for her, admit your shortcomings and work towards fixing them.
Plenty of big tips on the internet on how to make things in bed spicier, maybe talk to a female friend of yours if you have one and get some advice!
So what are you waiting for? Shut down reddit, go have fun with her, take it lightly and be sure about yourself!