**TL;DR:** My partner is in a grieving process and needs time but it’s making me anxious. I feel like they won’t come back *(my past emotional abuse/rPTSD plus their mental health history)*, and I’m also a bit broken myself and just can’t feel empathetic to their situation no matter how hard I try?
How do I give space, show them I care, make sure they’re safe **AND** lessen my anxiety all at the same time?
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***Keep in mind this relationship is quite new, about 3 months, so we’re still learning each other’s processes.***
I (NB31) am not really sure what to do or say right now? My partner (NB28) is in/entering a grieving period. The only parent they have left has weeks to live \[if that\] and they’ve recently experienced the death of a close friend too.
Understandably, they’ve told me that they need time to process everything… but I’m perceiving that as “needing time” away from me specifically.
*Why?*
They’re a low-level influencer (hobby, no money involved) and they haven’t taken a break from posting content/interacting with their followers at all… yet they’ve been ignoring my posts, and keep leaving my messages on read? So I feel like they have a problem with me, but idk if I’m justified in that.
Giving them space also causes me distress because they have a history of self-harm, near-fatal attempts, eating disorders, low-self esteem and more. A few years ago I had a similar situation with someone else and the one day I didn’t check-in with them, the inevitable happened… so I really want to make sure my partner is safe without overstepping their boundaries.
I do have my own life; fulfilling fast-paced career, great friends, full-time college, my own hobbies — I’m my own person outside of the relationship — but I’m finding it so hard to concentrate on those things right now because I’m so worried.
I told them I’d check-in with a text in 2wks… But I don’t know what to say… everything I can think to write just sounds depressing and I kinda wanna give them something to look forward to at a time like this but then it comes across self-centred to me because I wanna say things like “when life settles down we should have a weekend away”. I want to give them a reason to keep going, but I also want to make sure our relationship is safe.
My own struggles with depression have kind of given me an emotional lobotomy… I know I’m supposed to be sad for them, but I’m not? I can feel love, anger, worry, happiness — but the empathy has gone.
I need a little help? What are y’all saying?
2 comments
It doesn’t sound like you are in a relationship with this person at all.
I understand that they’re going through a lot at the moment, but you’re taking on a lot for a very new relationship and I don’t think that’s fair for you. What’s your emotional support system looking like? Do you have someone you can talk about these anxieties with, maybe work through them a little bit? It hurts that some people react to grief by pushing other people away but you’ve offered to be there and if they aren’t communicating with you then there’s really not much for you.