Hello, I (M24) am turning to Reddit as I think I need some new perspectives on this. My girlfriend (F23) of 3.5 years and I are currently in a LDR. She started going to school about 2 hours away from me 4 months ago. An important detail here is that she had the opportunity to go to school only 30 minutes away from where I live.
I took a job right out of college (about 1.5 years into our relationship) in my home town where we met and fell in love. It was a great starting job to get my feet wet in the industry and get a lot of great experience. I have the freedom to work from home most days, and use my WFH days to travel and stay with her for periods of time.
I feel like it is time to move on in my career because I feel stagnant in my current role, and I have been applying to a lot of jobs and managed to get a job offer that would put me 4 hours away from her. This new job is also a hybrid role where it is 2 days in office and 3 days remote, so basically what I do now schedule wise. This new job has everything I am looking for. It is promotion in seniority, more responsibility and a step up in difficulty that will really enhance my skills in the long run. The pay is better with the opportunity to make a lot more in bonuses. It took lots of interviewing with a lot of companies to finally land an offer.
My girlfriend does not like this idea at all. She thinks it will be a hindrance in our relationship, which I just don’t agree with. We are already in a LDR, and I do almost all of the travel back and forth, and nothing about this new job will change that as I took into account that I would most likely be traveling back and forth often like I currently do. If I am being honest I am putting a lot more into the relationship currently than she is. I do not hold this against her though as her schooling is very intense and I am trying to be as supportive as possible.
I do think this is the girl I am gonna marry, and we have had discussions before about it, but have agreed that with her school it is not the best time to do it.I have already turned down a similar amazing job offer that would have doubled my salary but put me 13 hours away from her. Oddly she was OK with me taking this job, but I decided that our relationship was important enough to not move that far away and turned it down.
It seems to me she is kind of being hypocritical. She had the opportunity to stay close but chose to move away, but does not like the idea of me moving slightly further away to take this opportunity that would be a great advancement in my career.
Am I the one being selfish here for wanting to make the move? Will me moving slightly further away affect our relationship as much as she thinks it will? Is she just being unreasonable in this situation?
TLDR: Got a great job offer that would put me 4 hours away from my current LDR girlfriend, girlfriend does not like the idea, I see no problem with it.
2 comments
Please do what is best for you. People come and go, situations change, but the life you live? That’s forever. You’re the one who has to live it, so don’t cater to people who aren’t around and don’t have your best interests in mind
You should do what you feel is best, I think you should take the job.
I am curious though, does she provide any reason for not wanting to take the job? Like, if it’s 4 hours away, are you going to move to be closer to work? Is it in an area she dislikes? Does it have good opportunities otherwise? School is temporary, so while I understand your point of view of “she could have stayed closer to me” and being hypocritical, it is much more temporary than taking a new job.
I would see what her fears are about this opportunity, because I could understand if she’s thinking in the long term, she’ll have to move there to be with you, which she might not want to/might not have good opportunities for her own career. Just some food for thought!