I use to have no problem answering this but ever since dying my hair black and changing careers I get this question at least once a week. Both my parents are a mix of nationalities, one of them being a small ethnic minority group and I’m just tired of trying to explain it. I’m tired of feeling judged as well. I tried saying “oh I’m a mix of things” when asked but usually still get follow up questions.
31 comments
Just give a really generic answer if they’re not that close to you. You don’t have to be accurate lol.
I was taught that was an inappropriate thing to ask, dunno about anyone else here. I would just let them know that’s not an easy question for some people and you aren’t interested in laying out your family tree for them
You can jokingly say ‘am planet earth citizen haha’ and change the subject.
I’m like op and have a mix of backgrounds, I remember once when I was a kid a lady asked me and me being my socially stupid self started talking for like 5 min straight, eventually she stopped me (nicely) and said “so you’re a citizen of the world then” i liked it and have been using that ever since.
“It’s complicated”
It’s something that you can’t change so you’re always gonna be asked that question. I just find the replies in this thread a bit hostile.
“I’m a mix of everything, why do you ask?”
Idk just handle it however you want, people are gonna ask. Most of the time I don’t think people are being rude. It may just come off as judgemental.
I’m Asian but I get confused for mixed and Hispanic a lot so idk. My experiences with that question have often vome from people who are just curious or strangers looking to connect in one of the few options that they have available since it’s such a personal question.
I’m black white and Japanese, if I get annoyed I just say “yes” to whatever they’re guessing. They have 3 ways to be right!
Someone said in conversation, she was Heinz 57.
“I don’t know…I have white parents that adopted me”
As a white appearing person, my social skill for this is to NOT ask that question despite my genuinely innocent amthropological curiosities.
This sub really hates this question. Some people like talking about their background and their family history and they don’t understand why others wouldn’t. It’s just another conversation starter. Don’t have to be rude about it like some of these replies are saying. Just say you don’t like to talk about it.
“Are you trying to figure out if you like me?” and I laugh.
I don’t mind discussing it. Some people are really interested to know your background but I like to test intentions first.
Someone asked me once where I was from. I said, “I’m from here”. They replied, “oh, so you’re Native American?”
😭
I mean, touché I guess. 😅
I suggest just finding a way to explain it in one sentence. Unfortunately it’s not a question you’re just going to stop getting and I think it’s weird to not answer it.
I’m glad someone brings this up, I couldn’t explain why it made me uncomfortable a couple days ago. I don’t look “ethnic” enough to include Mexican heritage in my breakdown without being looked at like I’m lying when it’s most likely why I’m being asked in the first place. This person in particular proceeded to tell me what l he thought my heritage was.
I’ve been asked this one time and my brain stopped working and I was like “uhh…regular?” And then I felt really dumb because regular is not an ethnicity. And also being white is not regular.
The whole interaction was confusing because I’m very very white and no one has ever mistaken me for anything but white. Also the person asking me was Asian with curly hair and green eyes. I really think maybe she didn’t think it was a strange thing to ask someone. I have a feeling that people ask her ethnicity all the time.
For those who ask, thinking chain in their heads is like “this person’s biological phenotype is weird” —> “given that this person’s phenotype is weird they must be from a different place” —> “given that they’re from a different place, I am curious where they are from and would like to learn about their beautiful and vibrant cultural origins!”
They’re only consciously thinking about the very last step in this chain and think it’s perfectly innocent and inoffensive, because it is. No one has a problem with that last step. What people have a problem with is the first two steps of stupidity in the chain, which the person asking is too dense to even consciously realize they’re doing.
OP, you’re getting a lot of advice in here that comes across as aggressive. If you respond rudely, it will be awkward. Your best bet is to keep it polite and simple.
– “Oh you know, just a blend of this and that”
– “My ethnicity is a blend of X, and X”
– “I’m really not sure what my heritage is, but I’m happily Canadian (or whatever country).
– “I’m a mix of X and X, but I look like my moms side of the family”.
Those are just a few ideas. You can give them a direct and friendly answer or a non answer. Either way, I think it’s best to approach with politely. I get that it can be annoying, trust me, but generally people mean well and are just curious. A lot of the responses in this thread come across as slightly jaded, but also right – people probably shouldn’t be asking you this question – but making them feel dumb for being curious about you isn’t kind. Just my opinion, probably an unpopular one too.
I’m just gonna start telling people I’m adopted
“I’m from all over.”
Keep it short. Avoid follow-up questions by asking the person about their background (if it’s not obvious).
– Hey OP! So, what’s your background?
– Oh, that? I’m a big mix of everything. [Stop.]
– Mix of what?
– How long have you got? Haha. What about you?/When did your folks get here? You’re Italian right?
If the person is very clearly of a certain background, ask when their folks moved to [your country].
Maybe just say no idea?
Say “I’m just an Earthling.”
I get asked constantly what part of India am I from. And it’s usually from Indian or Middle Eastern gas station and store owners. …I’m Hispanic. Puerto Rican, Mexican and Sicilian. Dark skin, hair (but half gray now) and eyes, very European features with Taino bone structure. If you have an exotic look you’re going to get asked about it. As with anything else regarding appearance, you can do different things to highlight or subdue different attributes. Like you found out with dyeing your hair.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crAv5ttax2I
I don’t like speaking about my country because despite being fairly close to it, I consider not having anything to do with it and will probably never willingly go there if not one last time. I just say that I will not answer that question. Just do that, it can frustrate a bit but it’s easier than to explain you’re tired of this question.
“at this point, I have no idea myself”
I’m “exotic” and used to get offended when people asked me where I’m from but I now understand that people are mostly curious instead of actively being racist
I love responding with “why do you ask?” when people ask me invasive or awkward questions
It’s hard to explain to someone why it’s difficult to NOT become unhinged when a person goes out of their way to stop you in the grocery store or at the dog park, just to ask you, “Excuse me… Do you mind me asking… WHaT ARe YoU???” ( My facial expression usually gives away my total annoyance) My response is usually “Human. I am a human. AAAND WHaT might YOU be?”
I’m adopted. I was adopted when I was 2,5 months old, I will be 47 y.o. next month. My adoptive parents are of different nationalities and I was raised with both of their cultures. I’m just looking for a short and honest answer. Because if I start with: “I’m Asian…something” then they hear the Asian part and assume that I have some random Asian influence on the person I am, which could lead them to paint a wrong picture of me, so to speak.
My sons are running into this even though I think it’s correct of them to say that they’re native Danish. They were born and raised here and have never lived anywhere else and this is the only culture they have, their appearances are just a bit unexpected. Me being adopted only explains why their complexion, eyes and hair are darker than that of most native Danes and if that’s all someone’s curious about, that’s fine. BUT there are always people who aren’t willing to let it rest at that – rant over!
I get this, but with nationality, not ethnicity. As a kid, everyone assumed I was foreign. As a teen, I got people assuming where I was from – to the point they didn’t bother asking, just stated their assumptions as if I’d told them (I hadn’t, and they were wrong but I gave up correcting them). The best interaction of this type I had when a guy actually bothered to ask after spending months squinting at me from across the class was “where do you *originate* from???”
My favourite answer that is now my default? “Guess.”
Then I neither confirm nor deny. Because nobody ever guesses right.
So in summary: get the person to guess your ethnicity, then smile politely and carry on with the conversation.
As I mixed race person. I hate this question!!! It’s none of their business anyway.