Hello everyone,
We have been living in this appartment for 5 months now. At the beginning, we did not know how the sound insulation situation was, so maybe we were a little careless about the noise – the downstairs neighbours wrote us a letter letting us know that it was bothering them, which we completely understood. Ever since, we have been very careful: we don’t having sex after dinner time (they seem to go to bed quite early) and we barely moan anymore.
The issue is that we’d be in the middle of it and they’d interrupt us by knocking on the ceiling to tell us to stop. Now, the insulation is not that bad either, and we are extremely careful, so I doubt they hear more than the noise the bed can make.
Those neighbours are always at home as they don’t work. This situation is taking a toll on our sex life as we are having less frequent sex and when we are having it we still have those neighbours on our mind, which is frankly taking the enjoyment down. The building management are strict people that tolerate no noise, so we are afraid that if this keeps going, neighbours will take the matter to them.
Do you have any ideas what we could do to keep enjoying each other without risking getting expelled?
39 comments
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There’s a fine line between accommodating other peoples boundaries and shitting on your own.
You shouldn’t have to stop shagging just because their sex life is dead, just tell them you’re entitled to living your life, if they have a problem they can contact someone who cares.
I’ve had this issue before and it’s usually miserable people looking for an excuse to complain about something. If you can move then do so but the reality of an apartment is that you will hear your neighbors living from time to time. You pay your rent. To hell with them. Talk to the owners if you can.
Put some rubber pads under the feet of the bed and the couch and make sure the bed does not knock against the wall.
And once in a while, rent a hotel room as a special treat and have some noisy fun.
Honestly, what kind of people complain about hearing others having sex? Every time I’ve been the person in the other apartment, the sound of shagging through the wall/ceiling puts a big, dumb grin on my face. People enjoying themselves is great!
You could knock on their door to tell them you’re gonna go fuck now, so maybe they can go out for a nice walk
Can you put a rug or something under the bed?
Honestly, just go for it. Screw them. If you’re not being insanely loud, then who cares what they think.
I’d reverse it and go to management. Tell management they’re over exaggerating and harassing you guys. That you feel you can’t live properly bc they swear they can hear you, even though you’re keeping everything down.
Low music will mask quite a lot of sex noises as those sounds get lost in it.
I have debt with nearly the same problem. What I started with, is making sure there isn’t any rubbing noise from the bed by putting carpet samples under the feet. Next the frame was hitting the wall. They have these nice braces for that. Found some on Amazon. Lastly they kept going on about the loud moaning. We quieted it down with a combination of more kissing and different gags. Sometimes it’s was my fingers, a pillow, or even an actual gag we bought. Kept experimenting until we moved at a later date. We even bought a mat to have sex directly on the ground at one point.
One thing that actually bothered us was that we liked to have the window open. We would have to shut it during sex and open it after. I wasn’t trying to open windows after sex.
It’s a called apartment living, you have to be able to live your life.
1. Complain to building mgmt that they’re knocking on the ceiling
2. Be reasonable with sound (if the bed is bumping against the wall for instance, put some distance between it)
3. Fuck hard and often
My neighbor used to complain about my son running or dancing in the afternoon and I would apologize and tell him to keep it down until one day I had enough and told her he was allowed to live too and noise restrictions were for nighttime. She hasn’t been back since.
Could you scream out their names?
Perhaps putting foam under the legs of the bed would disrupt the sound transfer more effectively?
Sounds like a them problem. You’re having sex, not blasting music. Sounds like they are jealous they don’t fuck like that. You have your rights to quiet enjoyment as well without harassment from them. It sounds like you’re trying to be good neighbors. The hell with them, I’d get louder if that’s how they want to be.
Crank the music to drown out the noise they hate.
Order earplugs online and send them anonymously to them along with a book about how to revive your sex life.
They are taking it too far. You deserve you time.
You are going about your life behaving reasonably within the confines of your own home.
They are banging on the ceiling with the expressed intention of disturbing you.
You should be the ones complaining to building management.
Have sex and moan so loud that you can’t hear them knocking the roof
So I used to be a full-time acoustician (job was to literally design how sound travelled through buildings) and I still do a bit part-time to supplement my income. I will preface I am UK based so your building regulations may differ, but I would honestly ask the building owner for proof of a sound insulation test report and then compare it to the minimum requirements in the relevant regulations for your area.
If it’s above the minimum standards then the issue isn’t on you and I would communicate that to your neighbours. I always used to say to clients when we would do diagnostic sound insulation inspections (basically go find out why a wall or a floor “wasn’t” performing very well), that if you share a wall or floor with someone expect to hear them. The minimum sound insulation standards are not good anywhere in the world so if you live in apartments expect to hear people provided they’re not doing anything that would be considered a noise nuisance, which sex definitely is not if you’re not doing anything too outside the norm!
So, you have gotten a lot of good advice about not losing your own comfort to adhere to their extreme request.
It is NOT REASONABLE to expect absolute silence from neighbors in an apartment building. Especially if you have people above you. This is part of apartment life. You want absolute silence, buy property on land.
That said, I personally like a really solid fucking foundation. Sturdy frame. Nice pads on the legs. Mount to the wall with bumpers. There are some super cheap, super solid, metal bed frames. Built like tanks. No squeaks or creaks. It is more enjoyable for you guys.
Then fuck your little hearts out and just be respectful of your neighbors, like they should be to you. If they knock the ceiling, turn it up a notch, because they are disrupting you now.
Do it on the sofa. They don’t tend to squeak.
Or fix your bed. They shouldn’t really be making much noise.
Yeah go to the landlord and complain that your downstairs neighbors keep banging on your ceiling.
You’re already being way more accommodating than I would be and they’re still being jerks. So stop being accommodating.
You’re allowed to live your life in your apartment, and all that entails, during reasonable hours. Only caveat may be whether your lease stipulates a certain percentage of the apartment must be carpeted. Tighten your bed frame so it doesn’t squeak and make sure it’s not banging against the walls. After that, live your life. If they continue to bang on the ceiling, contact management and tell them they are harassing you. Saying the management doesn’t tolerate noise is nonsense, life isn’t silent. You’re going above and beyond by closing the window, but it sounds like your solution has added a new dimension to your repertoire.
These prudish and crotchety neighbors are the problem, not you. If you had young kids that run around, they’d probably want you to tie them up during the day. They’re probably pissed that you both walk around with smiles on your faces. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for miserable people.
You are allowed to do whatever you night outside of silent hours, basically as long as it is not between 22-06 o’clock you are on the right side.
Next time they knock to interrupt, keep them waiting, and only open after you are completely done with the deed. Make sure they know why they are being ignored.
Gift them a one month membership on your OnlyFans page
Been there haha. We didn’t stop, but got creative. Noisy bed? Move to the couch, floor, shower etc. turn background noise on. They can get over it. Sex is natural, and they need to adapt to apartment living too. Be respectful, but don’t walk on eggshells either.
Yeah, get a shotgun and answer door with shotgun in your hand next time….. It’ll change your life.
How long is a session? 20 mins couple of times a week. Hardly constant noise is it. It sounds like you’re trying to keep it down but tbh if you live with shared walls or floors expect some noise. If they don’t like that, they should move somewhere with no shared walls.
As others have suggested, deaden the bed.
To muffle your sounds use music or the radio for background noise. You don’t have to blast it, just adjust the volume to make your sounds inaudible.
Have fun and figure this out without affecting your sex drive.
Isn’t it interesting that your neighbors on your floor, adjacent to your unit, have not complained?
Also, is there a unit above you? If so, do you hear them?
Do you hear sounds from any units adjacent to your unit?
If the answer to all these questions is no, you may want to complain to management.
I had this issue years ago, and the management told my neighbors that if they are able to record it and hear it in the recording it’s to loud and they’d write us up for it.
They could never get a recording, and management after about 5 more complaints finally told them that maybe they shouldn’t live in an apartment, and that people have sex, and they can’t stop it.
They called the police several times and the police said they were unable to hear anything when they arrived and that management would have to handle it.
They moved out a month later!
Beeswax in the bed joints. Look into bolsters that go between the headboard and the wall to keep the headboard from rocking. Lastly, gags. Get kinky. If that doesn’t help, ask your neighbors why they are listening for you to have sex and remind them that it’s creepy.
Tell them to have sex at the same time to cover the noise.
It’s completely unreasonable you can’t fuck in your own paid for living area. Put a rug down, pad the bed feet and got to town. Let them pound. Let them leave letters. And tell them how since they never leave you aren’t going to tip toe around them anymore as humans living make noise. If they call the cops the cops will probably tell them the same thing unless you are actively doing circus level BDSM or one of you is a screamer.
Live within a reasonable volume and let the chips fall. If you get asked to leave you can potentially break least without fees.
If you ARENT being loud it’s not acceptable they expect you to walk around on eggshells. Fuck and live and let them fester.
What would they do if you had a kid running around? Complain all day? Being a live is noisy.
It may be hard to get into a confrontation but i think you should stand your ground a bit, since you lay your rent, so you are also entitled to having a life in and enjoying the apartment, as long as you are keeping things in an acceptable level which I think you are. These neighbors can’t live in a completely silent bubble since they live in an apartment building. I would as them politely but frontally – what are you suggestions? We have taken all the measures we could to accommodate your needs. Are we not allowed to enjoy ourselves?
There should be some sort of council for matter such as this, the administration or the building can’t have all power to throw people on the street for any reason.
I lived for a year in a shared apartment and I regret that I didn’t stand for myself as much as I should have concerning neighbors complaints. Generally older people think they’re the owners of the whole building. There should be specific laws stating exactly how much noise and what time you can make. I don’t think there will be any law about having sex though, so maybe this is a gray area. Because most couples have sex after 10pm. Even 80 year olds.
Tell them to masturbate while they listen or put on headphones and let you do your thing!
I think r/apartmentliving would be more helpful than this sub