Hi Reddit, I (17m) am the youngest of five siblings from a complicated family background. My father had three sons (32, 27 & 17) with my mother and two daughters (29 & 24) with two different women. My mother raised my brothers in the Caribbean and my sisters were raised by their mothers in the US.
My father spent most of our lives in and out of jail and was murdered three days later when he escaped from prison after being there for 6 years when I was 8.
Growing up I never really got to know my sisters or father’s side of the family as well as my brothers were able to as I lived with a family I wasn’t related to by blood of which my mother trusted to care for me while she worked in the US so having contact with my father’s family wouldn’t have been possible as the family I stayed with didn’t have a relationship with them.
Only after my father died had I seen my sisters for the first time in years when they flew down for the funeral. I also formed a relationship with my father’s side of the family and developed lots of love for them. I began having sleepovers with my cousins and really got to know everyone more.
I never really developed a close relationship with my sisters but it was still one where I had unconditional love for them. I always saw my 24 y/o sister who we’ll call “Clarissa” as one of the coolest people on earth. I just loved her vibe and personality. But we still never really had a close bond. I’d spend time with her whenever she came to our country in the Caribbean and we followed each other on social media but that was really it.
In 2020, Clarissa cut off ties with our father’s side, and I got caught up in the disconnect. It started off slow, she stopped replying to everyone who contacted her to check in and later she blocked everyone in the family off every social media.
There would’ve been minor arguments with her and some members of our family but nothing that would’ve brought her to take such a drastic move (at least not one that I know of). My other sister speculated that she probably may have felt left out because there was a point in time where the two of them weren’t on speaking terms and she would’ve been the one planning family events so an invite wouldn’t have been passed to Clarissa. My other sister also thinks a lot of things may have been silently stacking up in her mind that would have lead her to this.
I can say that the reason she cut everyone off is truly unknown and only she knows why but that may not be the case. My mother and brothers don’t have any clue as to why she did this and I don’t really feel comfortable or have such a close bond with other family members to ask them for their input on the situation.
I understand that if something happened she may have seen cutting off the entire family as the only way to get peace in her life, I really do. But what about the family members that have genuine love for her? My brothers and I have been trying so hard to make contact with her but she won’t respond. Whilst I never really had a close bond with her I still want her in my life. I want there to be a chance we can have a close bond. I didn’t do anything. I was only 14 when I got blocked and have never done anything to deserve that.
A few months ago she ran across my mind. I was overthrown with sadness after realizing that she’s just gone. Nobody has heard from her in three years. I had a new Instagram account that I wasn’t blocked on so I went for it. I requested her account and sent her a message which basically stated that I’m sure whatever reason she pulled away from the family is valid, I think about her so much, I miss and love her, how I felt knowing that she’s not in my life and may never be and hoped that she has a good life. She never responded and deleted my follow request.
Our father would’ve never wanted to this. I don’t care about opening her eyes to letting the entire family back into her life because that’s not my business and everyone has already stopped reaching out as they’ve accepted her decision and moved. But why should I move on? I know I’m not special at all but i didn’t do anything to deserve to be shut out and that should leave grounds for us to stay in communication. I really don’t want to make it seem like whatever she experienced that lead her to make such a decision is invalid because I truly support people doing whatever they think is best for them but I’m just a younger brother with no part in this who has love for his sister and would like her in my life.
I’m currently staying with my mother in the same state as Clarissa. I googled her and couldn’t find a phone number but I found her address which I could have probably obtained from one of our relatives. I’m contemplating visiting her tomorrow in an attempt to try again for a reconsideration on her decision of cutting me off as well. A lot of my friends have encouraged me to do it but I also have at the back of my mind that could be disrespectful. I don’t want to just show up unannounced and force her to deal with people she doesn’t want to deal with. But I want to see her so badly and at least try to pave a future where she’s in my life.
I know some people may see it as a situation where I should just take the hint and move on but how could I that easily? I don’t want to fix her situation with the family but I want her to not be out of my life. I feel like I’m grieving a living person. What should I do? Should I go knock on her front door and at least know I did the best I could? If I go and she makes it clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with me at all I’ll start the process of acceptance. I’m open to suggestions and insights. Thanks in advance!
TL;DR! : my sister Clarissa (24) cut ties with our father’s side in 2020, and I got caught in the disconnect when I did nothing wrong. Despite my efforts to reconnect, she blocked everyone. I’ve tried reaching out, expressing my desire for a relationship, but no response.
I’ve been contemplating visiting her as we’re in the same state now, but I’m torn. Friends encourage it, but I don’t want to be disrespectful. I genuinely miss her and want a chance for us to bond. Any advice on how to approach this situation delicately? I feel like I’m grieving the loss of a relationship with a living person. Thanks for your insights!
1 comment
> A lot of my friends have encouraged me to do it but I also have at the back of my mind that could be disrespectful. I
It’s extremely disrespectful. You aren’t entitled to her time, and for whatever reason she wants nothing to do with you. You need to respect that. No offense, but it’s a really loose connection and it’s clear this is her position.
>I truly support people doing whatever they think is best for them but I’m just a younger brother with no part in this who has love for his sister and would like her in my life.
Then live by those words. She is doing what she thinks is best for herself, and at hurtful as it may be that involves not having any contact with all of you.