I been having 0 luck in the dating world so I been thinking to take a break and focus on improving, thoughts?

6 comments

1. Don’t worry it’s not just you.

2. Yeah, you’re acting too needy and insecure.

   Here’s what you do:

   1. Shorter messages.
   2. Get to the fucking point. Ask them on a date within 3-10 messages.

3. I read the title, and I thought to myself “Absolutely, great idea”.

   But when I read your post, it’s not that I had in mind when you said improving yourself.

   >Improve my physical

   Yes, but do so to improve your own well-being and your self worth. Not with the goal to be more attractive to women.

   >Ex: I got a new rule, convert what I’m trying to say In simple and short texts cause when I text a paragraph it always leads to being on read

   If it’s the early stages and you have a tendency to write an entire bible that’s overwhelming to read, then sure, I get your point.

   But I’m also someone who sends long paragraphs, and suck at keeping it short. Outside of texting, I’m also an excessive talker and can tell stories for hours if I so wish.

   That’s a big part of who I am as a person. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship who didn’t like that quirk of mine.

   You’re looking for someone who’s compatible to you. You won’t be able to do so if you make small changes to your personality to be more appealing to someone you’re dating.

   Being rejected sucks, and I understand that you feel stuck, and you want to do something to atleast go a bit further in the dating stage.

   That’s exactly how I felt when I dated a few years ago. I also tried the same thing as you.

   Like I said, I’m an excessive talker, oversharer, hyperactive, life of the party kind of woman. I noticed that it scared many men away, so I thought “Okay, I need to change that”.

   BAD IDEA. Because then, dating for me was literally just about making the other person like me, I never stopped and wondered if I even liked *them*.

   As a matter of fact, if you keep that going, they won’t even like YOU. They will like a version of you that you made up to please them. How long will you be able to keep that up in a long-term relationship?

   Yes, changing texting habits it’s a very insignificant change, but the idea of changing yourself is just not a wise plan.

   >I’m thinking about just stopping for a while and focus on me again.

   That is a great idea, but improving yourself should not be confused with completely changing yourself.

   Improving yourself will help you deal with these rejections. Because you’re so secure with yourself that you can think “Huh, I don’t want to date someone who can’t put the effort in to respond to my texts. Time to block her and move on”. Instead of “She left me on read, I must be boring”.

4. are you going on dates? Or these are all fizzling out before that? You’ve done the hard work on getting their number or getting a match if it’s online. They’re already initially attracted to you. I tend to ask for a date within a few days of messaging them if the conversation is flowing. My downfall comes to getting last date 1 but that’s a whole other minefield.

5. I always always suggest personal development before you try to attract someone. Picture the type of women you like. Picture the type of men they tend to like. Does all of this imagery line up with who you currently are or want to be? I’m not saying change yourself in order to get women, but it doesn’t hurt to take your cores and kick them up a notch. Make sure your clothes fit right, do you have a hobby or something cool that you’re good at? A group that you get together with regularly? Find and develop these things. Improving yourself is never going to be detrimental as long as you also stay true to who you are. With that being said, sometimes people just get busy or don’t know what to say. For me personally, I just started talking to a few people (just for friendship) and to be honest yesterday was just really busy for me and I still haven’t replied to someone that I think very highly of. Because I’m trying to hold conversations with multiple people, sometimes I just get exhausted and need a few hours or days. It’s not always a “you” problem and if you feel like things have been going well with someone, message them again even if you were the last one to message. Do not acknowledge that they haven’t replied (begging for attention) just send them something light if it pertains to the conversation you were having previously or tell them something short about you and ask them a question. (Don’t keep doing this, but once is normal) Sometimes people just need a little reminder, as shitty as that sounds.

6. Go for it. I did the same in my early 30’s and it was the best thing i did. I focused on my physical and mental well being. Going to the gym, staying active, eating right, get some skin care products and start looking after yourself. Get a better job with better pay, cleaning your home well etc. Regarding texting, this is important. No long texts, keep it direct and match their energy. Let them do most of the talking, the less you say, the less likely you’ll f it up.