In my social circles, I’ve been getting excluded from plans and don’t hear about it until after the thing happens. I don’t read vibes well, and I can miscommunicate a lot, so I’d want to be able to clear things up if that’s the issue. I want to be able to take accountability if I said or did anything to upset anyone too.
I’ve been wanting to ask different ppl what are things I do that rub people the wrong way. Is this fair to ask or is it demanding too much emotional labor from them that it’d hurt boundaries?
If it is fair what are some good ways (if there are any) to frame this so they know I’m asking in a constructive feedback way and to own up to any possible wrongdoings? The last thing I wanna do is come off confrontational when that’s not what i’m looking for.
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Unfortunately this will likely make things even more awkward. So, one idea I have is that you ASSUME you are awkward and start working to fix that so you get better results. Here’s something I wrote on that:
###[Can Awkwardness Be Cured?](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/12uss2o/can_awkwardness_be_cured/)
If you develop this useless skill, let us know. If someone were to ask me, I would just deny it.
“Of course I like you. Why on earth would you think otherwise? Have I done something to offend you?”
If they weren’t bothered enough to tell you directly what’s wrong don’t sweat it. It’s a reflection on them at that point, or nothing is wrong. If it’s not said directly to you it doesn’t exist.
Here’s the important bit:
Do they make an effort to hang out with you outside of this?
Yes- Great. Talk to them or (if you can) don’t talk to them. They like you.
No- Talk to them. See if maybe you’ve done something. If they blow up, and you asked without accusing, they are not your friends. If they listen to you, emphasize and change they are great friends. If they listen to you, emphasize and change for a bit before reverting back, have grace and speak to them once more. If it happens again and they aren’t making an effort, drop it and them. Sometimes people aren’t ready to make the decision that they don’t want to be your friend.
This will unfortunately make things even worse and people will never answer you honestly.
Are you autistic? A lot of autistic people feel this way and get disliked just for being socially awkward.