Afternoon Everyone, So know really it’s down too me too make a decision but I wanted some opinions.
So a girl I’ve known since I was around 13 (20NOW) we never really spoke in school but met up a year ago for the first time since school and instantly clicked, now we progressed and would do everything together go on dates, sexual stuff obviously exclusive too each other. Now she has trauma from her ex boyfriend who she was with while we were in school together so we didn’t put a label on anything as of yet as it would “take a impact on her anxiety and overthinking”
Now fast forward this September, she went away on a girls holiday with her best mate (WHOS SINGLE) and long story short she slept a lad over there my age (WHO DIDNT EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH) and said that she felt like crying while it happened (Why not just stop then?) then she kissed another boy after that. I’m wondering what people’s opinions on this are as we weren’t technically together but obviously we were exclusive just looking for some advice on what to do she came back and we “sorted it out” and she was apologetic but everyone’s saying l’m basically a mug for going back too her.
Now I’ve got a holiday with 2 of my friends over new years so part of me is like should I just end it now and go my own way? Or because we weren’t actually together does she deserve a second chance as now she’s wanting me too meet her parents etc.
Please give me ur honest and brutal opinions
TL/DR she slept with someone else
15 comments
1.) This is why “we’re exclusive now” is never obvious, it’s something you say out loud and agree on so it’s very explicit.
2.) She has some trauma on her own. It sounds like she may be a woman who has trouble saying no, which is something that happened to a lot of us when we are young, I hope she works on it before entering into a committed relationship so she doesn’t keep hurting herself and others. Trauma is of course not an excuse for harming others with your actions.
3.) You’re not going to bounce back from this. You’re not going to completely trust her, you’re not going to stop thinking about while you’re lying next to her at night. Don’t try the relationship again.
I don’t really have enough info to know if she knew you were exclusive, straight up cheated, and is using a sob story to make it okay now. Or if she really wasn’t on the same page as you, she did this thinking it wasn’t overstepping boundaries and regrets it anyway, or even if she did this because alchohol/trauma/peer pressure was involved. I’m just going to choose not to judge either of you too harshly because you’re both 20.
For a sec I thought (20NOW) was a new gender identifier I hadn’t heard of yet
The fact you’ve made this post asking for advice clearly means that what she did hurt you and any trust you had for her is gone I’d suggest sitting her down and voicing your feelings but the fact she feels remorse proves that she knows what she did hurts you so is it really remorse or is it just guilt? If she was able to cheat on you with someone who can’t even speak English, then that’s a serious issue, but the main point is that you need to voice your feelings to her and she needs to understand that her actions have consequences I’m not saying you should leave her but let her know that the trust you had for her is gone and she’s stepping on thin ice.
Sorry but if I’m dating someone for a year, it’s a given that we’re exclusive. You’re not in a FWB thing, this was a relationship.
She cheated. Plain and simple.
And for me, that’s a dealbreaker. I don’t continue to date cheaters.
You have to decide if cheating is a dealbreaker for you.
(Here’s a hint- yes, it should be)
I’d leave. She’s going to use this past trauma as an excuse, and as someone who has been through severe physical and sexual abuse, using trauma is not an excuse. She needs to work on herself and you deserve someone that’s not gonna string you along.
. She’s not a bad person she’s clearly exploring any potential “better options” meaning she isn’t 100% into you. Bruises the ego but there will be someone else for you.
I do think you should stand your ground and breakup with her, go your separate ways. You need to explore as well and if it comes back, you guys can rekindle. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
To be honest this sounds like she was using you for all the privileges that came with it while still wanting to act single.
You can’t have your cake and eat it.
As someone who was treated like crap for over a year and being gaslight to f*ck while the other person was simply trying to keep as many benafits as possible while looking for something better here is my advice.
Block all contact and move on. You deserve better
After a year of being exclusive you are in a relationship, like she cheated dude. Also, and it’s a crap lesson to learn, but your not dating someone to fix their problems, it’s a partnership to grow and be happy together, not for one person to leach off the other. Just appreciate the good times and move on my man, sorry but girls like this just don’t get any better.
“We weren’t technically together but we were obviously exclusive.” I have no idea what that means, I’m pretty sure you found a new level of delusion.
Cheated, happened to me too, stayed and at the end she’ll break up saying you were too angry or some lame ass dad f-ing excuse.
She’s broken the trust before your even official…. It will be a train wreck down the line when your fully invested how ever that looks (living together, kids, etc) think you can get past it? Think she’s worth it? There’s plenty of women out there buddy! Iv been so heartbroken only to find something 10 times better! And your so young go have fun find out what you like!
Yes you were together, yes she technically cheated on you. It seems like she’s had a lot of trauma and maybe didn’t even want to have sex with this person but it could have been trauma influenced. Either way she needs to go to therapy and this shouldn’t be your burden. Unfortunately it’s time for you to move on from her.
I wouldn’t call it cheating exactly, but it does seem like she is not in a place to be in a relationship in the same way that you are. For both your well-being and hers, it seems it would be best to try to move on. I don’t think holding a grudge will help you, but distancing yourself will be healthy. Your emotional needs aren’t being met and you need to do what’s best for yourself. She is not the answer.
Turn it on her? Ask her how she would feel if you went on a guys retreat and had sex with another hot girl and made out with one.
I can tell you, she would lose her shit.
She needs to sort things out. You are not her therapist.
You need to find a girl who is emotionally stable.