okay so my libido has been at its lowest for a few month now and i don’t know what to do anymore. I am 21. My boyfriend has been so understanding and never forced me to anything but it’s starting to impact our relationship. We hadn’t had sex in a long time now.
I don’t know what’s happening, it’s like every time he tries to turn me on, i just freeze and my brain goes to overdrive. It’s not necessarily performance anxiety or anything, i just cannot get horny and i feel so bad, not only for my boyfriend but also for me. I used to have a HUGE libido.
I thought maybe it was the pill, so i stopped. But it’s been a month and my libido hasn’t come back.
My boyfriend made the point that maybe i “still love him but isn’t attracted by him anymore” and i don’t think it’s the case, but i can’t help overthinking about that.
I NEED HELP PLZ
4 comments
Have you seen a medical professional? It could be hormonal. You didn’t mention your age and there can be moments in one’s life where the body goes through these phases. But best consult a doctor and see if it’s something happening with your body. Could also be emotional, with stress being one of the biggest libido killers.
Another option could be sex therapy if nothing is off with your body, to try and rediscover new ways of feeling sexual desire. Something you could do together with your boyfriend.
Has there been any change in your life or couple dynamic that might have caused this?
Have you tried setting aside time every day to think about sex for a bit? Sometimes if you’re stressed, it can be hard to shift into a mode of even being interested. I think it can help to say for, like, 20-30 minutes daily, you’re gonna read erotica, watch porn, or try to fantasize about something that usually turns you on. Then, when you start feeling desire again, you can bring that energy back to your boyfriend. Sex begets sex, and the opposite is true too. Maybe ease back in.
Another thing that you could try is not seeing sex as an event or a thing that you “do”, but as something you relax with. Like, maybe you don’t start out by saying this is it, we’re having sex. Maybe it starts out as naked cuddling and talking about things, or a massage with oils, etc, and you see where that nonsexual, but physical, intimacy takes you.
I can fix that