I thought that I am boring. I’m extremely shy, when I tried to speak, it’s as if my throat getting is choked and I sounded like I’m about to cry. When I have conversation online (though very very rarely), I keep typing and erasing because I think my respond is not fun/good enough/comes out rude. Even to people I feel more enjoyable with. (I don’t dare to call them friends, because who knows it’s just me?)
I don’t have friends at uni and I mostly live alone. I never talk to anyone because I think I will only bother them, I tried my best to not be a burden to others (though mostly I just make myself overwhelmed). I don’t speak a lot to my parents because we’re not close (they’re kind though), and I think I speak no more than three times a day (even less when I don’t have class)
I don’t feel like a normal human bcs I can’t socialize or talk properly. I remember the times I tried to come up to others (to befriend them) but I always fail. Now I’m too scared to try again bcs I believe it’s useless and I will never succeed in having friends
Even when I type this out, I feel like I’m not typing the right thing. Is this even make sense?
3 comments
Socialization is very much no risk, no reward unfortunately. Being vulnerable and sharing parts of your life with others hurts, even when it’s going well, because you never know how invested the other party is or how they’re interpreting what you’re saying. But to find the people who will continuously show you they care, you have to be willing to show yourself to those who do not. And to not take it personally if they don’t connect with you/see your value. I also recommend anxiety medication, as I’ve struggled with similar issues and it has made a big difference.
I understand your situation. Like the other poster said, socialising comes with the risk of rejection and we have to accept it for what it is. If you’re struggling to come up with things to say or how to behave, I found reading books on the subject to help a lot. Good luck, and God bless.
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