I (20M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (19F) for just under 2 years. Before we met, I had only had sex with one other person. Meanwhile, she has had sex with over 50 guys and has been in 4 relationships. It destroys me inside. It keeps me awake at night. Sometimes, I don’t even want to touch her. About 15% of the time, fucking her feels like a biohazard. I know that this is a very internal problem and highly irrational. I try my best not to hold it against her, because, after all, it happened before we met. She has no idea I have these feelings about her past because I don’t want her to feel guilty. But it just makes me feel so jealous, insignificant, and insecure. I feel like it’s not fair that she got to live her casual-sex life and experiment with so many different people, meanwhile, I’m in a relationship and never got to have the same experiences. However, I don’t even want those same experiences. All I want is her but I just want to get even with her. I want to know what it feels like to have a past like that; to have experiences. But I don’t want to break up with her or lose her. This just fucking sucks. I have tried therapy and Googling how to get over retroactive jealousy, but nothing works. I don’t want to lose her, but I’m starting to worry that this is something I will never stop thinking about. As I said, we’ve been together for almost two years. It has bothered me since she first told me about her past about a month after we first got together. The thoughts just won’t go away and I’m starting to think they never will. Sometimes when I try to go to sleep, all I can think about is how many other dude’s c\*m she swallowed, how many other dudes she didn’t use condoms with, how many other dudes went down on her. It drives me insane.
I know this post may get some poor reception, given that we live in a very pro-casual-sex world, but I’m here to try to get better, so please bear with me. What do I do?
41 comments
I would suggest therapy, but you’ve tried that. What kind of feminist literature are you reading? Would recommend books on that cause this also sounds like misogyny.
Why are you in a relationship with a person that makes you feel **this** uncomfortable? You know it’s bad for you so why force yourself? Also she’s had 50 partners before you got together and you’ve been together for 2 years and she’s 19 right now? Wtf?
You’ll hurt her. Leave.
Leave
50 bodies before 19 is kinda insane tbh. My last girlfriend had around 25 bodies and was 23 and THAT made me uncomfortable. Which again is an internal issue for the most part and a boundary I personally have. The relationship itself didn’t really work out. I grew up in a super Christian household despite not being overly religious now that much sexual activity out of a potential partner is kinda where i draw the line. I typically try to have the “Sexual past” discussion on the 2nd or 3rd date to attempt to not waste each other’s time.
Edit: “bodies” sounds so weird in text form. I never noticed until I typed this how weird that sounds.
It wouldn’t bother me that much as long as she’s not rubbing your nose in it. She can easily get around and decided to be loyal to you so that’s got to be a positive right? If a girl can get around easily and decides to only be with me I find it to be a turn on.
50 by 19 is an insane red flag
Break this off, you’ll eventually meet someone way better for you
She’s 19 and already been with 50 guys? Good grief you got the village bicycle.
Buddy….if she is 19…..and you are togehter for almost 2 years…..that means she already has 50 bodies at the age of 17??? I didnt even think this is possible at this age, but holy moly….. i would run myself ngl
50 by 19 she’s for the streets dude I wouldn’t put my shit anywhere near that sucks that you feel for her lol u do tho but I couldn’t help but feel disgusted either
Leave
Be considerate to her and either seek therapy to be able to accept her or if you can’t deal with it then leave her .
You either accept a partner or you don’t .
Guilting her is not a nice thing . You have a responsibility to move on if that’s who you are
Extremely red flag bro…
You seem to be trying your best to get round this but some shit is just too tough to get round.
I don’t want to cast aspersions but did she sleep with the whole football team? How did she rack up that many notches on her bed post? Not trying to rile you here, I am genuinely curious so I can offer my best advice.
Hit me back and let me know.
Your 19 year old girlfriend has slept with 50 guys? You don’t get over it. You dump her and move on. She belongs to the streets
You probably will not get over her past even though out of all those others she chose you, it’s a matter of maturity, in shorter terminology, grow up! Time and time again it’s the same issue of someone unable to cope with their Girlfriends or boyfriends previous relationships, in all those cases it’s the same remedy, becoming mature enough to realize the love they have for you, and you for them, forgetting about past lives.
Sounds like an unequal match. I’d say this also if the situation was flipped.
At the same time I don’t know how important the relationship is to you and what role it plays in your life.
Holy
50+ partners before she turned 17… Yikes! Run away.
You have been with her for 2 YEARS WTF?
REMEMBER THIS BRO…
Her past will be the reason you guys will break up/divorce.
I would suggest you to get out because you won’t ever be able to get over that.
50 bodies at 19 WTF??….. You ve been together for 2 years…. That means 50 bodies at 17 WTF???
There are many women that haven’t slept with that many people.
There must be undelying issues with your gf that you don’t see now but you will see in the future..
I WOULD SUGGEST YOU TO LEAVE WHOLE YOU STILL CAN.
Mate if I was to hear that I’d be gone in an instant. I’d feel the same as you. That’s grim.
50 guys at 19yo is cap.
This whole thing is a lie.
49 other guys by the time she was 17?
That’s……a lot.
50 people is a very probable sign of something bad, for example S.A. in the past or some commitment issues. You should’ve seen most of the co-occuring red flags already though. If you can’t find a way to maintain the relationship – break up is an option. But I see your attitude as the issue, not her amount of partners.
To answer the question as to “how” – no idea. I would be totally fine with that.
Y’all both crazy😂 you’re wasting her time cuz you’re so stuck on her past and 50 bodies by 17 is insane 😂 and I’m a woman myself…that’s very..very insane. So yeah, y’all both crazy. I’d run. I know you’re thinkin it, do it already. You’re honestly wasting BOTH of y’alls time at this point. 2 years?!? Come on now. Go already. Personally idgaf if the world is “pro casual sex” lol that is like next level.
She’s been tested for STIs, right?
If so and she is clean, and if you know she’s loyal to you now, that means something about you stood out after something from a long list of other guys didn’t. That’s a compliment to you.
50 by 17 sound like your gf was being abused or extorted and probably has trauma herself…
Brother, you will never get past this, the more you try the more you sink your soul on her past.
Just leave the relationship for the sake of your mental health as this will destroy you, it already started and it will get worse when you start to think that she is doing it with coworkers, boss, the cashier from the grocery story, etc.
This is not good for your health, it really isn’t.
Edit: i feel like i have to say this. I am not against his relationship ok.. but this guy needs help, and the biggest help he can give to himself is leaving her, i don’t care if she had slept with 50,100,200 guys, from the time that this man can’t get over it, he needs to leave her for the sake of his mental health no mater how much he loves her. It will always be like this, imagining her doing this or that.
This is just my opinion. I respect every other opinion and i hope you respect mine too.
50 by 17 years is crazy
I personally wouldn’t care
She already over 50 by age 17. Run
My guess she has past trauma she still needs to work through.
I don’t think you are being that irrational, 4 other relationships mean they don’t last long, otherwise she would still be in one, I really hope you are exaggerating on the 50 dudes, if you aren’t I hope she is.
There is a reason men have these feelings, because they are indicators of a mate being prone to infidelity, with 50 guys in such a small period of time that means she likely cheated during her 4 other relationships.
I’ve delt with retroactive jealousy also, so u know it is a type of ocd.
Because of the severity you probably won’t be able to get over this is the honest answer, not in the short term with her. The only way to deal with it is to never ask the question(the compulsion) about it in the first place, because you know where that road leads… obsession and mental movies of her past. You can work through it with a Theripist for the long term.
Tell her bye and find virgin , your age would be super easy
Enjoy while it lasts. Don’t take this relationship seriously. She will leave u at one point. Be ready, and enjoy the ride 🙂
You don’t have to. It’s fine to have a boundary like this. You should leave because 50 partners before turning 18 is a huge red flag. You’re too young to get stuck with sever mental illness forever
Ask her how she deals with your inexperience. It’ll give you some perspective
If it destroys you inside then just leave. No matter how much she tries anything she will still have the same past. And u probably needs like 5 years of therapy to get over this mindset. So it’s painful but u just end it b stop torturing both of u
Sounds like my ex wife who racked up quite a few numbers I found out. And yes, STD’s could haunt you later if she is still racking up numbers. With a track record like that don’t think you’re exclusive.
Not everyone is on board with casual sex or is pro casual sex.
Her history makes you uncomfortable and it should. I would be the same way. Over 50 is a lot. And she’s only 19 yikes. That number is only going to increase. It was her choice to be sexually active with that many men, and it’s your choice to break up with her.
I hope you had an STD test before engaging in a sexual relationship with her.
wow this comment section gets an L. As long as her past was clean and safe consensual sex then this is something you need to work on for yourself. And if it wasn’t, then you both need to be tested and she may need therapy. Risky sex behaviour is an indicator of mental health issues, doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to now be in a loving relationship.