We’re in a 2 yr LDR so only see each other every few months. For this reason it’s never been an issue. We literally can’t sleep together. I can’t help but worry that it’ll be a problem in the future though. Sometimes I’m “normal” but with depression and anxiety being constants in my life, I can literally go months without caring or being interested in sex at all. I currently don’t even want to think about it.
I’m torn between leaving it alone, or bringing it up as an issue since it isn’t one yet. It could derail our relationship but we are also going to be in an LDR for quite some time still. Who’s to say I won’t be feeling differently by that time? I just can’t know for sure and it’s totally a possibility that I’ll be on a different med, or in a different place in my life by the time it “matters” so Im worried to risk it now….advice?
TLDR I have no sex drive and it isn’t an issue but I’m not sure if making it one is smart.
7 comments
If you do decide to talk about, just understand that it’s not a problem that needs to be solved all in one day. Don’t get emotional.
You should let her know that your sex drive declines/disappears when your mental health is suffering. If it’s an issue now, it may be a recurring issue in the future. It’s always best to be honest. This way she knows not to take it personally if your physical relationship fluctuates. Keep the communication open and she can manage her expectations.
If you want the relationship to be open, honest and healthy and last… You need to be open and honest. If you decide not to tell her and then y’all move in one day and you find out she has a much much higher drive than you, she may not take kindly to that. For some people, sexual compatibility (or lack thereof) is a deal breaker. It totally may not be for her, and she may be totally cool with having sex less frequently, but you won’t know unless you speak up now. It’s best for both of you. It could be a huge relief off your shoulders too if you find she’s totally cool with it. Don’t stress yourself by wondering.
I also have issues with anxiety, stress, depression etc and it does impact my sex drive, much to my and my partner’s dismay. I go through periods where I could have sex a few times a week, and then others where I am totally fine going without for weeks or longer. My partner understands this, and while their drive is much higher on average, they are okay with it. However, I am well aware that there are people out there who would absolutely drop me in an instant if they couldn’t have sex every day or multiple times a week all the time for infinity.
To avoid any possible future relationship stress or her maybe feeling like she was lied to, you should discuss this now. She could be totally fine with it. Or it could be a serious concern. You won’t know until you talk about it. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of on your part at all. Many people experience what you do, and if she makes you feel bad about it for any reason, then dear, she ain’t the one for you. And that’s okay. Do this for yourself as well.
I hate sex I’m actually Asexual. I can live with out it. But it does effect relationships. I act like I wanna date but dating means having sex. I’ve been celibate for a year and 7 months. I find myself more powerful with out having sex. But I still have a profile on tender. And I talk to men like I’m interested. Cause I do need company. But I have no intention on having sex with any of the guys. I mean I like some of the men. But I’m not ready to sleep with any of them.
I guess if your gf isn’t making a big deal about it, then why would you have to. Maybe she’s horny and just doesn’t know how to say something. You never know maybe she started dating cause other men just wanted sex and that’s not all you want!
Rdeadbedroom
This is often a topic not addressed by both partners. It takes a toll eventually unless your partner also has similar sex drive. But it is better to lay it out there.
If i told you, you had a boxing match in 3 months would you start training now or in 3 months? Have the difficult discussion before you need to have them.
Ok