Content: Im 20, in college, and regularly have a lot of HORRIBLE things happen to me. Like in almost comedic amounts. I am not going to lie, I was very neglected in almost every aspect of my life growing up so I never really learned to roll with the punches in that respect so I’ve done some unhealthy things to cope. Drinking, oversharing, etc. This is relevant here.
I went to a club I used to really enjoy but I now get the distinct impression that the people there do not want me there anymore. They used to be my friends, at least I thought so. But they all have gotten extremely distant and do not seem to want anything to do with me. There is one person I am particularly fond of, they are just absolutely great and I would like to get more close to them, but my attempts at texting have warranted nothing. They said their phone app just does not show my messages specifically but that isn’t how that works. I know they are getting them, they just ignore them. I guess they could be scared away by just… me in general because of the thing specified above and the fact I have shared those thing pretty matter of factly. Again, ,majorly neglected so Its not like I knew this would happen. Ive been working on not doing that as of late and I think I’ve done a good job. But… yeah. Nothing. And while at the meeting as I was trying to socialize another member of the club, who I again count as a friend, more or less said I was stupid and annoying. There was an actual exchange being had here which I don’t quite remember. We were just memeing around. But I think there was some truth to it in the fact that… yeah. I guess I just… maybe don’t know as much as I thought about anything and I’m… annoying.
I feel like maybe only 2 people in this club like me and one drives me home.
This isn’t the first time shit like this has happened, let alone recently. One of my friends told me that I was too depressing to be around which was in direct reference to the fact that recently, as if crap could not get more comedically horrible, I’ve been dealing with a type of blood cancer. Its “one of the good ones” but apparently its too much for them. I get how talking about that constantly can be a lot, so I stopped. Same with the other horrible things. But its like a brand. Im never the person they want to hang out with, at least most of the time. Im the one they go to to ask for advice or because they are afraid I will off myself.
I will admit I have not been the best 100% of the time. I don’t think most humans are. But I have been making an effort to be better. I don’t want to infodump on people, I don’t want to be sad or isolate myself. But I legitimately feel nobody I know likes me. It all feels like a game of pretend. No matter how hard I try I never get any support or at least the support I need. My friends are not bad people or abusive, i want to preface that. I just don’t know what more I need to be doing to make this better. Something is clearly wrong with me. Something about me, beyond my past and heath, needs fixed and I want to do that. I just don’t know what it is. I don’t want to be sad or alone anymore. I want to have fun and for people to want me places.
7 comments
Im sorry and me too. Swiffer is put against a wall and falls to the ground ten minutes later even though nothing touches that, food falls to the floor after opening the freexer, shoes get untied despite being double tied, face is covered in oil and filth despite just having taken a shower hours ago, people stare, cars don’t wait for me to cross streets with the red light, etc. The important thing is to say little about anything bad. People hate hearing about anything bad especially today. Try to talk about good things when they happen. Be there for them the way you want them to be there for you. Remember what you like about them and whatever you can talk about to bring up later.
I can relate…. What I’m learning about myself if I went thru most of my young adult life fucked up and it’s like I don’t know the normal people skills everyone seems to have. I tried the opposite and always try to stay positive and make the best of it but that seems to be annoying to people too… let me know when you found answers
Well liked people inspire and motivate others to enjoy life or the present moment. There’s no friendship won by pity. It’s somewhat harsh, but understandable. On the other hand brutal carelessness with life is also disagreeable.
Homie, I’ll let you in on a secret.
Nobody hates you, because nobody *really cares you exist*. Everyone is the Main Character in their own lives, everyone has their own shit going on, ain’t *nobody* got the time or effort to go spending it hating on you.
Now, this *sounds* like it’s a bad thing- but the reality is, **this is** ***the most liberating thing*** **there is**.
Nobody cares, which means *you are free*.
Wear weird clothes if you want. Nobody cares!
Eat whatever foods you like. Nobody cares!
*Be* who you actually *are*. Nobody is going to stop you.
Now, if you haven’t sussed that last part out yet, it’s okay! You have time to *learn* who you are. Develop new interests and skills. Grow and mature. All that good shit.
Thing is, though?
You *can’t* get to the good parts if you are constantly worrying about other people’s opinions of you. That anxiety will eat you alive.
If you haven’t already, go to your counseling office and ask what mental health resources are available to you. Many universities these days have services available, from therapy to even medication and psychiatric support. But you won’t know, unless you *ask*.
And… not to be a dick, but your coping strategies are *terrible*. There’s no good outcome if you don’t *unlearn* those self destructive tendencies, and learn *healthy* coping skills… and that’s not something you can learn all on your own. You *have* to reach out. You **have to**.
It sounds hard, OP. I know it does. But you can do this. I have faith in you. And if a fuckin’ internet rando can believe in you, then *you* can believe in *yourself*, too.
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Yeah, it definitely seems like when push comes to shove, a lot of friends just dip. My dad passed away earlier this year, 2 weeks before my birthday and most of my friends couldn’t even be bothered to wish me a “Happy Birthday”. What put it in perspective for me a little bit though is if these people can get away with ignoring somebody they ostensibly call a friend when they’re going through such a horrible tragedy… then why the fuck should I feel so self-conscious for making a little faux pas or oversharing a bit too much or saying something a bit awkward. It’s so unfair that some people seem to get away with so much because they act like it’s not an issue, while the people who focus on the things they do wrong can’t move past it.
That being said, I still have that feeling even though I’ve started hanging out with new friends who seem to treat me pretty well. So even if you can intellectually recognize the ridiculousness of it, the feeling itself is still hard to get rid of.
If u can do try other groups in ur proximity avoid talking about yourself as much as u can keep attention to the person ur talking.everyone loves the person who can listen and support them .
Focus on having fun.