I hope I don’t come off as rude or shallow but I’m just wanting to get some advice or hear from people who’ve been in my situation or similar. So I’m a 24 year old guy and I’ve been talking to this girl I met through a mutual friend a few weeks ago who’s a year younger but has a 2 year old kid. She’s a great person, we get along well but I never saw myself having kids for a few years yet as I’m only 24 let alone the possibility of jumping into a relationship with someone that already has a kid. I’ve had friends say it would be a bad idea and I’m not entirely sure how my parents would feel, I don’t think they’d be unhappy or mad but would probably have the classic are you sure you’ve though it through it’s a lot of responsibility. I don’t wanna lead her on because I do like her but I’m just wanting to get the opinions of others. She isn’t like a deadbeat or anything, works full time and seems to be a caring mother but I’m just not sure if I’m ready to take that next step and responsibility. The father is also completely out of the picture and has nothing to do with the child. Thanks in advance
6 comments
If you’re interested spend a LOT of time getting beneath her surface persona before ever meeting the child. There are a million variables that could be at play which haven’t surfaced in your interactions yet as to why he isn’t around.
It’s a package deal and you have to decide if that’s ok with you. Also she may put her child before you at times. Which is normal and totally how it should be at first. I just stopped seeing a woman with 2 teenaged kids. Sadly I miss them more than I do her lol
You seem to making the assumption that you have to be that kid’s daddy and take on daddy responsibilities.
But that is not necessarily something you have to do if you don’t want to. It’s definitely not a must for a lot of moms. It’s better to talk about these things with her than to make assumptions.
I saw another commenter said “it’s a package deal”. It can be but it doesn’t have to be. Ask the mother what kinds of arrangements she is comfortable with. There are endless options here.
I know many women are open to giving you full control over how involved you want to be. Just don’t be a dick to the kid. That’s the most important thing. The home needs to be a healthy environment to grow up in.
If you’re looking to be in a serious and long-term relationship with her, you’re going to have to take that step eventually. That’s just inevitable.
But first of all, you’ve only been talking to this woman for a couple of weeks. Doesn’t seem like you’ve even been on a date yet. You have barely gotten to know her yet.
You don’t know if you guys are incompatible on other levels, if you have similar goals, values, etc. Take it slow and figure that out first before you start thinking about becoming someone’s stepdad. You’re not leading someone on by taking it slow and getting to know them.
After you’ve gotten to know her better and you feel like this is someone you would be interested in having a serious relationship with, then talk to her about these questions. Explain your worries, talk about her expectations, etc. There’s no need to do so before knowing if you’re even sure about her.
Don’t do it. You’ll always be second to another man’s kid. Evening, you’ll be expected to help take care of another man’s kid. It’s unnatural and you’ll feel dirty. 24 is way too young to be inheriting someone’s broken home. Don’t do that to yourself.
I wouldn’t do it under any circumstances, especially considering that she doesn’t share custody and doesn’t have a relationship with her child’s father. I dated a single mom with three grown kids and she still couldn’t find a balance between dating me and prioritizing her kids.