Throw away.
TLDR: We are ordering our dress and suit for our wedding and SO lying about his height is impacting our ability to finish this task. I have gotten the impression he isn’t fond of his height, but didn’t expect it would have an effect this drastic.
We got engaged this year, and we are currently in the process of ordering our dress and suit. My SO is 5’7″ or 5’8″ and keeps insisting he is 6’1″. When filling out the forms to get the proper suit measurement, his height is a key factor in making sure the suit fits, and even if I leave him alone to fill out the form, he still puts 6’1″. The discrepancy is tangible and we absolutely cannot spend $1k on a suit that is going to be made for someone with a totally different stature. I have no idea how to approach this subject as it is clearly a psychological issues that causes him a great deal of distress. His ID even says he is 5’8ish (its in centimeters) and he seems unable to come to terms with this. I only heard him and his mother discuss whether he was 180cm (6 feet) or not, and he had said “I wish”. For reference, I am 5’3″ and he is only a few inches taller than me, and he is well aware of my height as well so I am unsure where he comes up with this number or what significance it has.
I have never indicated any preferences in height or other physical characteristics of people, and have never commented on height in general as I can tell it is a sensitive subject. Would it be too insensitive to just ask where this insecurity comes from?
33 comments
Are you entirely sure it’s a good idea to marry someone who doggedly adheres to an obvious lie, and lacks forward planning ability to the point he hasn’t asked himself “what am I going to do when the suit inevitably doesn’t fit?” I mean, what happens if there’s another thing he needs to believe is true to salve his insecurity, such as “those aren’t really my kids despite the DNA test” or “I didn’t actually get sacked from work” or “we have plenty of money and can absolutely afford this expensive car”?
I have no idea how you can broach this tactfully, but tbh I think you’d be better off accepting that you need to have the conversation even if it’s going to upset him.
You need to be direct, sit him down, one on one, and just say, “I saw you put the wrong height on the suit order and I need you to correct it. We can’t afford to play games like this. “
I also think you need to understand why he did it (understanding is not agreeing of course) and he needs to understand how you feel as well. You love him regardless of his height and him misrepresenting his height is frustrating.
You need to be stern and direct about correcting the height on the suit but then transition it into listening and empathetic on why he insists on the wrong height.
He is going to look even shorter if he is wearing a suit too big for him. It will look like he’s a kid playing dress up in his dad’s clothes.
If you can’t have a direct conversation about this, I would question if you are ready to be getting married at all.
Is he planning on using shoe lifts for the wedding?
I, a short man on the internet, am dying laughing at the idea of telling people I’m 6’1”. I think I’ll try it to see the reactions I get.
Can you have him fitted for his suit in person? Kinda weird to order a suit through a form without a tailor measuring him in person.
im a real short guy at 5’2 and honestly hilarious to me that people think 5’7 is short. get on my level scrubs. being short never killed anyone
This would be a great time to march him into a suit shop and tell them to put him in a suit made for someone who is 6’1”. Then make him look in a mirror.
This outrageous level of insecurity and sticking so strongly to the delusion that he is 5-6 inches shorter than he really is is surely effecting more of your relationship than just him trying to look like a clown for your wedding. Maybe insist he gets therapy before you’ll marry him, and also figure out how else this personality trait of his is effecting your relationship and life.
Take him to the tailor and have the measurements taken live in front of both of you.
If you’re spending $1K on a suit, it should be fitted in person.
Just go in person to get the suit measurements
I thought Ron DeSantis was already married…
Trick from years in wardrobe: double check his height with him, in centimetres. It’s more precise anyways.
Tell him to just convert with Google. Hover, and say “Damn let’s double check” and measure in centimetres again, convert again. The $12 for a metric only measuring tape is worth it, every film and theatre wardrobe has one for this exact reason. Say inches out loud and they will argue with you. Speak metric and they shut up.
If it’s possible to fill out the whole thing in metric, do that. It really does help a lot of people who are sensitive about clothing sizes and measurements.
If this doesn’t work, sit him down and tell him that he needs, and deserves, a suit that fits. Mark 6’1” on a door frame with some tape and ask him he is that tall. Tell him he never has to discuss this with you in the future if he doesn’t want too, but you need him to order a wedding suit that fits him. It’s not fair or respectful to either of you to do otherwise.
That’s genuinely hilarious. 5’7” looks absolutely nothing like 6’1”.
It’s bizarre, every place that I’ve ever gotten a suit from measures you beforehand.
This seems like a small thing but… the fact that he is so stuck on this lie is incredibly concerning. I think you guys need to sit down and have a really long talk about this.
This honestly feels like it could be a symptom of body dysmorphia. I’m not sure how you could approach something like that, though, besides very compassionate honesty.
My brother is 5’4″, his wife is 5’10”. She’s really out of his league but they’re both math teachers so I really don’t know. I’m 5’6″. I don’t know what it is about him but he always had ladies around him in college and high school. I get that this is something your husband struggles with but he got married.
In this situation I would walk up to him with the form and say “I don’t think your height is right. Can I measure you so we make sure your suit fits?”. just be direct. Polite, but direct. Have you ever actually pointed out he is not 6’1 and asked what’s up with him saying that? What did he say? And if you haven’t done that, then for all you know this huge height trauma he has is just an invention of your imagination. Stop psycho analyzing him from afar and communicate.
I wonder if he has some kind of body dysmorphia related to his height.
Either way don’t let him state his own height. I think you’ll have to go in person and have a tailor take measurements and fill everything out. I’ve never heard of people just writing in a form rather than getting measured by a professional and having them input it.
Can you take him into a shop to get measured? When my husband bought his suit for our wedding we went into a Brooks Brothers and they did all his measurements.
The height inflation is real. What ever happened to claiming a modest 2″ bump? 6″ isn’t robbing the bank, its trying to break into fort knox. If he tries to wear a suit for 6’1″ guy its going to look so awful.
Yea take him in person and it’s sad he is so ashamed of his height that he can’t even get the right suit
> I have no idea how to approach this subject
Why are you marrying a guy you don’t know how to communicate healthily with?
Nobody makes a suit by someone’s height. They use individual measurements like inseam length, arm length, neck size, etc.
1. Strap him down to a comfortable chair.
2. Attach the electrodes.
3. Ask him his height -> Any answers above 5’8″ and he gets zapped.
4. Repeat until correct answer is given or the subject is incapacitated.
5. Repeat once a week for 2 months.
5’8″ is like basically average in most of the world, he doesn’t even have it that bad
“Babe, can you tell me the height number on your ID? I think we might be making a mistake. I want to make sure your suit fits you properly so we don’t have any issues.”
Go get him pants in 6’1 have him try it on bet it won’t look good and he will realize
Maybe he’s buying some heels to go with it.
Since it is literally a one thousand dollar question, yes, you have to ask it. Or let him turn up in an ill-fitting tic and let him deal with the consequences. Asking would be kinder.
You’re about to marry someone you can’t have a straight forward discussion with about his height?
I would have just asked him, “why did you put 6’1″ as your height? ” Marriage requires honesty and clear communication.
But instead you’re running to the internet to ask strangers how to talk to your future husband about his height. I’d practice that honesty and communication a little harder before tying yourself to this man forever.
But why
I’m so confused it’s not like he’s 5’3 pretending to be idk 5’7
He’s already regular / a little short
Does he also use a magnum and have to fit a pepperami in there
Like where does his delusions end