We had reservations and throughout the week she’d message me how excited she was for the date. I show up at the reserved time. 15 minutes after she says she’s in an Uber and is running late, that she will be here in 7 minutes. Great, I can wait.
Fast forward 30 minutes, I get nothing so I text her that I’m concerned for her because she’s not there. I’m thinking something happened and I don’t know how to help since I have no idea to find out where she is. It’s our first date and she’s in an Uber. I call her and get voicemail.
1.5 hours later she sends a huge text about how her Uber got pulled over and her Uber got arrested. And that she will call me when she gets in a new Uber.
At that point I tell her not to show up because the staff saw I got stood up and bought me drinks all night.
Where do I go from here? She’s left me a voicemail saying she feels awful about the circumstances and that if we meet she’ll buy me dinner
48 comments
That doesn’t make sense. If that was true she should have texted way sooner. She wasn’t being arrested.
I wouldn’t go for a second date. I know someone’s gonna give you a hallmark story about how they gave someone the third or fourth chance after getting stood up..don’t do that!
You notice that she didn’t make an effort to reschedule, she just said she would reschedule.
A person who is serious about rescheduling suggests an actual date, because they already have a date in mind.
That does not sound at all believable. No idea what goes through someone’s mind that they’d claim to be on their way and then give you an update 1.5 hours later.
Unless she sent a picture of the Uber and arrest you can safely say she went for a better option and took that. Then the better option turned out crap and she came back to you.
Just move on because it sounds way too murky to recover from. You won’t trust what she says even if true.
It’s amazing what kind of excuses people will come up with when they just don’t want to go on a date. I’ve had it go from “we should get together” to “I have to check my schedule” to “I’ll text you later today” to “I’ll text you tomorrow” to “you didn’t get my text?” to “oops, I got the last digit of your number wrong” to “why were you too busy to text with me yesterday?” All from the same person. They just aren’t interested and yet still feel the need to save face with bogus excuses.
I agree with the previous commenter. If all that drama happened SHE wouldn’t have been out of touch. And she would have notified you immediately.
I call bs on the entire thing.
Nope, move on
7 mins away is easily walkable. Probably 20-30mins walk.
Dude, just drop and move on
It could be a lie, or the truth. It could also be first date jitters. This could be someone who hasn’t been on a date for awhile and is struggling with anxiety and coping with it by putting it off (the date). I usually give people the benefit of the doubt BUT they have to put in the effort. No one here can really explain for her or tell you whats up, unless you confront her or act on it. So if you’re really curious you can insinuate for her to make plans but dont make the plans for her. If she does, then that’s generally a good sign.
Don’t believe it, seriously its bullshit, if you date her don’t take it seriously and know you are not the only guy she is seeing.
I think this situation smells fishy. It’s rare for an Uber ride to go so sideways, especially on a first date. I feel like there’s a good chance she’s not being entirely honest. It’s one thing to be late, but a whole other to have such a dramatic story. IMHO, reliability and honesty are key in a partner. If you’re already questioning her credibility, it might not bode well for trust in the future. What do you think about giving someone a second chance who’s already thrown up a pretty big red flag? Sometimes it’s not about the mistake itself, but how they handle it that reveals their character.
Your first clue should have been when she texted you she was going to be late 15 minutes after the scheduled time.
That’s sad & shameful.
I think it’s good to come up with some personal rules and expectations from here on out.
If people aren’t trying to give you similar effort then it’s good to bow out and look elsewhere. If there’s reasonings then two will do and rest are either jitters or excuses. Unfortunately, they both should be placed in the same pile because you go for what you really want and won’t make excuses for it. If you do then you’re gonna need to work on that with a professional or a lot of YouTube vids and patient friends because it’s not really a good look to let your emotional damage get the better of you.
A part of an disorder is when your issues hinder your ability to live a normal productive life so that’s all you’d need to know.
It’s okay to be reasonable and even merciful but it’s not good to be too gullible; and that’s only through trial & error, learning and ultimately time interacting with the prior.
You’ll get through this and learn better.
Saving face under excuses is just immaturity at play and doesn’t need to be entertained. If you’re ready to date, you’ll need to weed through a lot of immaturity; even in yourself. Until then, you’re on that path and this is just a hard lesson of a person that is too immature to be honest; or lacks the council to show you better proof of your inconvenience.
You’ll eventually find someone who won’t waste your time. In the meantime, focus on better things that involve yourself. Pick yourself up.
You’ve got this, champ!
She didn’t text you until 15 minutes after the date start time. That’s enough to drop her right there.
At this point she was either at another place (most probably with another guy) and she just didnt want to leave. Or you are just the source of her and maybe her girlfriends fun.
Something is off.
Either she got anxiety about the date or somethibg related to that date, such as pictures were taken 20kg or 10 years before
Or she was arrested as well, but did not want to disclose it, for obivious reason.
Or she was doing something else she did not want to disclose, like another date.
If she wanted just to get rid of OP, she could just ghost/block him.
Look at the bright side: you got free drinks.
If she offers to reschedule and takes you out she’s likely legitimately sorry
I wouldn’t go out on a limb at all, time/energy wise from your end. But it’s okay to try to meet her again a last time, as long as she’s the one putting the effort in.
We need to make people more accountable. We need to have receipts. We need the profile of this women so other men don’t fall in this trap and the text messaging. But before you meetup everyone needs to have a FaceTime with possible partner to confirm proof of life. This dating market is rediculous.
Let her take the initiative. You can delete her. At best she contact you, otherwise you forget about her.
Sorry I can relate to getting stood up. Forget this cow you deserve better
Clearly a lie. For the future though, I’ve found that anyone who expresses how excited they are for a first date is going to bail on you. That has been my experience 100% of the time.
Since when does it take 1.5hrs to arrest someone and change Ubers… unless there was a speed chase with police??! /s
Yeah uh ..don’t believe that bs. If that was happening, I’d text my date in real time or better yet- I’d call them. At least you can weed them out and move forward now.
It’s all bullshit. she blew you off. Ghost her.
Total liar, don’t feel bad , it happens.
I once waited for an idiot for 45 minutes at a sushi restaurant whilst he called every 10 minutes to describe the traffic. I finally left and blocked him.
That’s complete bs. Walk away.
This reminds me something I went through in my mid 20s. A guy I was going on dates maybe for 3-4 weeks was supposed to pick me up for dinner. He was 30 minutes late and I texted him. He said he had flat tire and was dealing with it and it may take some time. I told him that hope he is doing okay and wished him good luck and proposed we take a rain check cause it was getting late. He then sent me a photo of the partial front part of the car with a flat tire and wrote a long explanation which was bizarre to me. It just didn’t sit well with me for some reason. I did a reverse image search and there it was the same image. I just sent him back the link and didn’t respond to his messages. My brother in law was present when this happened and he is still amazed about how I knew.
My suggestion would be to trust your gut feelings about this person.
I’m at the stage of dating where if this happened to me, I would want evidence to believe it’s true. And something low key very similar happened to me. A guy I was planning on meeting told me when I was on my way that his friend got into an accident at first I laughed and said in my head “im being stood up” but he phoned me pretty much throughout the whole process, kept on apologizing via text and came up with a date time new place to meet up with me a couple of days later which he stood by, and he showed me evidence that I didn’t even ask her which were very believable maybe he had good photoshop skills but alas it was the effort that counted!
Uber stands for the ex that she’s still hung up on and the text that she got right before your date asking if she wanted to meet up right now.
Let this one go.
I got pulled over on the way to a date once, first thing I did was text said date I got pulled over as the cop made his way to my car. I mean it’s a funny story now, but as embarrassing as it was at the time, I still showed consideration for my dates time.
Move on from her and find someone who values your time, not just when they are with you.
This is a despicable woman. Delete her number
Sounds like BS since it’s strange she texted you that she’ll be late 15 minutes after the agreed time and even if her story is true it’s not like she got arrested so what’s stopping her from getting another Uber straight away? So just block and move on
Not totally unheard of.
Seen a few videos where delivery drivers have been arrested and the cop shows up with the order.
If she is willing to pay for the next date, you have nothing to lose, but time. And make sure it’s the same place you got drinks for free just in case it happens again. It’s a win-win.
She went and met someone else, it didn’t go as well as she’d hoped and now she wants to make it up to you. That’s my guess. Personally I’d tell her to slide on, good bye & good luck
Did she make u send her money for the Uber if she she was prob scamming u
I’m not going to say it’s a lie but I don’t know. If the driver did in fact get pulled over, I would be weary about making any sudden movements at all initially at least until the cop was at the window and saw my hands, even in the back seat. Once the driver was detained what are the odds that the cop is going to get you out and verify your story as well? I don’t know, I haven’t found myself in this kind of a situation before, (having been in a vehicle with someone getting arrested) but it is up to you on whether or not you want to believe her story.
She lyin homie drop her and keep it movin.
It’s up to you if you want to give her another shot. If she seems sincere, take her up on the offer of dinner and have a good time. If the negative experience of getting stood up is something you can’t get past, don’t give her the chance. She doesn’t sound like a bad person though, but maybe a bit of mess.
She painted herself into a corner when she said she was in an Uber and that’s the best she could come up with. Maybe she was and she liked the Uber driver better…
What a strange an elaborate thing to lie about. And why even say you’re 7 minute away, why not just go ghost at that point or idk… not be a dick and cancel?
That’s shady . If she really is in the mess like she claims it’s really over dramatic incident and warrants proof . Even if you still go out with her again you cannot shake this feeling . You will always remember this as taking a chance on that dramatic lie where she might have created a whole story for no good reason
I’m sorry to say, but this sounds like a good old ditch. She changed her mind and made up some fucked up story just to have something to text you.
I know you want to be a good person and try to give her the benefit of the doubt . But in this case, just move on and remind yourself that this one ditched you so don’t give her any more of your time.
There are lots of real legit people out there, who will treat you like a human being .
If everyone would just respect each other and treat each other like human beings, Reddit would probably be posts of cat pictures…
Ghost her, she’s irresponsible n inconsiderate.
Please don’t be a desperate, credulous doofus. Dont be that guy. You are being blatantly lied to. She got (from her perspective) a better offer mid-stream and went that way. Move on. If it happened the way she described to any normal human being with a date appointment there would be numerous text messages and even pics apologizing for, and explaining the situation. You got none of that. I will repeat . She is lying to you. This is not a person you want to date.
No.
Just move on.
Her 2 hour dead period gives her away as a liar. If her story were true she’d be texting you the entire time explaining what was happening. She wouldn’t just vanish with no word for 2 hours.
Stop interacting with her and move on.