How do you know if it’s a bad relationship or just a rough patch?

18 comments

1. When that person is not like the one you first met. Very little, if any, positives. Feeling more tense, unhappy, anxious, or any type of negativity when they are around.

2. Really hard question. I know my relationship with my husband is a good relationship and worth fighting for even when we go through rough patches. That ideal has never wavered in the years we’ve been together. I guess that drive to work through it, whatever “it” is, is the difference or at least part of it.

3. If you’re constantly doubting or having the slightest thought in your mind that you’re unhappy, listen to it.

4. If you think about leaving how much do you miss that person in that thought. I do this a lot and the thought of leaving hurts so bad, so I know it’s a rough patch. But if it hurts only because you ended it and not because the person is no longer in your life then I would say bad.

5. I have a long and happy marriage. When we hit a rough patch, we view the problem as the two of us v. the problem and figure a way forward together. I think it’s much harder to overcome if you are approaching it as a you v. me thing. If both parties aren’t willing to work together to fix something, you’re doomed.

6. Not willing to communicate, calmly. Putting in effort to work on the issues in the rough patch, being respectful all the time. Those are things where it’s a bad relationship.

7. You do everything you can to avoid going home. They are no longer your safe place.

8. The relationship is defined by “rough patches”. You have to justify your reasons for staying.

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10. If someone is treating you poorly and making you feel bad, it’s a bad relationship. If outside factors are the real problem (and not their behavior), then it’s probably just a rough patch.

    For example, is the problem that they don’t have as much time to spend with you as you’d like because they have to work more than usual this year? And you understand that but still dislike it and want more? Rough patch. Is the problem that they’re always moody and often ignore you and expect you to pick up most of the domestic workload because they’re busy working more than usual this year? Bad relationship.

11. You’re willing to talk and have hard conversations in rough patches. There’s no work being put in with bad relationships

12. You have to weigh whether the good moments outweigh the bad ones. Even if it’s just a rough patch and there are a ton of good qualities about the person, is this one terrible moment going to cast a shadow on the rest of the relationship? Is it something that, if it stopped happening, you could get over, or are you always going to see your partner differently and resent them for it?

    Of course, it’s easy to say that a relationship should end if the *quantity* of bad moments outweigh the good ones, but you need to consider the *quality* of the bad moments, too.

13. When you start the recognize a pattern or cycle then it’s probably a bad relationship

14. List the negatives. List the positives. Do they contribute positively to your life?

15. It’s important to assess the overall pattern of the relationship. Is this “rough patch” a recurring theme or just a temporary issue? Communication, trust, and mutual respect are key in a healthy relationship.

16. A rough patch is being dealt a bad situation. A bad relationship is being dealt a bad partner. You can navigate a rough patch but you can’t navigate a problematic person.

17. well a rough patch is something you can get over, but if you’re continuously feeling unhappy and like something is missing, you should definitely listen to it.

    for me, i just felt so unfulfilled and i knew it wasn’t fixable anymore, too many arguments and too much was missing, and i wasn’t happy. if it was a rough patch, with enough time i would have “gotten over it”.

    so i think time and also just finding out what exactly is wrong.. is it something that can be fixed, is it something worth fixing, can you genuinely imagine life without this person, or are they your rock and do you wanna hang on to them as much as you can?

    but mostly if you’re feeling any negative emotions most of the time you’re with them, they aren’t for you ;-;

18. If you’re posting online to ask, you have your answer. I don’t think in the decades of me being on message boards that I’ve ever seen a case of a woman questioning the relationship and be like, nah babe, you should stay. By the time a woman is asking, she’s generally just looking for affirmation.

    I also think in general people stay far too long and in situations not serving them in general. You’re not Jesus Christ and I’ll be blunt, the only person who you need to make sacrifices for are children or animals. You don’t need to be making endless sacrifices, compromises, and “dealing with rough patches” for dusty ass men.