I’ve never measured myself at all in my life and I intended to keep it that way even telling previous partners no when they asked to measure. I’ve told this to my current GF before as well obviously she may have thought I wasn’t serious. Either way we were laying in bed unclothed together and she told me to close my eyes which I was fine with but I felt a cold piece of wood on my pelvis and realized she measured it before I could react. I then urged her not to tell me and she agreed, but this morning she let it slip on the topic about sex. I’m 100% sure it was a slip of the tongue but it was really important to me I didn’t know and now I do. I guess my question is, is this something I should deal with myself or should I tell her how it’s affected me? (For those wondering it’s just an “ignorance is bliss” thing as to why I didn’t want to know.)
31 comments
it doesn’t matter how big or small it is, as long as you are pleasing your partner then you’re safe. does your penis work for her, does she think it feels good? that’s all that matters. most women don’t need 8+ inches to get off from penetration and it’s all unrealistic ideals that the porn industry has pushed.
No, you should tell her she violated your boundary and that’s not acceptable. Tell her you want to measure her body to see how she holds up to standards and ask her if she likes it.
Be honest with her and say it hurt you that she didn’t respect your boundaries.
However OP, very important to know, regardless of size, if your partner is happy, they mean it. Don’t sweat the knowing of it
She did it wrong the real measurement is:
[(length x diameter) + (Weight / Girth)] / Angle of Tip^2
When I was 19, my gf at the time wanted to measure mine. I told her I had done it already out of curiosity. She didn’t believe and she remeasured. It was bigger when she did it. So I just dusted off my shoulder and asked her if she was happy now?
My wife never did. She doesn’t care. She say it feels perfect the way it should. So there’s that.
I would be hurt and annoyed that my partner did something i asked them not to. It’s like telling someone how much they weigh so now they’re fixated on that number
This is crossing a boundary. This is as inappropriate as If you’d pulled out a tape measure and measured her breasts.
So…. What’s the score?
Everyone’s in the comments talking about how you shouldn’t care what size it is and as long as she loves it that’s what counts… I think they’re completely missing the point that she ignored a boundary you had set, asked you to close your eyes so she could do something sneaky, and then proceeded to tell you the data when you had already told her not to. Is it relationship-ending? Perhaps not, but for me it would feel violating and I would definitely express that to her.
So if you asked your girlfriend if you could measure how deep her vagina was, she said no and you did it anyway then you’d be accused of sexual assault. This is the same thing. She has an issue with your boundaries and you need to jerk her straight.
I’d say it’s a big deal. Her touching it without permission is one thing, her measuring it not only without your permission but despite you telling her no is a whole lot bigger. And then telling you after again you told her not to. I’d end it, the blatant lack of your boundaries can’t really be just an accident every time.
You asked her not to and she did anyways. The point is she disrespected your boundaries. Honestly I can understand this one. A lot of guys just don’t want to know. I’m a over thinker. So to not know something I don’t want to is perfect for me. You gotta sit down and talk to her stern about this. See how she reacts to it. If she thinks it’s a joke could be a red flag for future boundaries. Your not wrong for feeling this way.
You set a boundary: „Don‘t tell me what exact number of the measurements are“
She said: „okay“
And she did it anyways, whether it be an accident or not. She crossed a boundary and you‘re not overreacting.
And don‘t get me started on how weird it is to measure your partner‘s body parts without explicit permission.
Weird
This is awful. I’m sorry this happened to you. I don’t have advice because, even though it seems like a small thing, I don’t think I could get past someone I trusted doing something like that to my body. Or the fact that she cared that much to begin with. I wouldn’t be able to trust her enough to be naked with her again, but everyone is different and you need to do whatever is best for you.
Measure her waist next buddy
It sounds like she measured you “soft” many men are “growers” and a soft measurement means very little anyway. Suffice it to say, you still don’t know your actual measurements.
I can’t understand why it was so important TO HER to measure you up. It’s so underhanded and sneaky that I would seriously question the likelihood of having a genuine and productive future with her.
I know my comment may be subject to being “not that serious,” but she’s established that:
1. She in no way respects you, your word, or your feelings;
2. She will stop at nothing to get what she wants, and that includes stepping all over the way you view yourself and your wants and desires;
3. She’s sly in establishing how it was brought up in conversation. She’s manipulative. Bless you believe it was purely innocent. I don’t buy it, and it was not an innocent slip.
This was a premeditated act that used you and took you completely out of the equation. You now know what she’s capable of doing, and she’s highly unlikely ever to have your best interest at heart. Much luck.
Forewarned is forearmed.
35 years of fucking super naughty girls: never once has anyone pulled out a tape measure or even asked after having seen it.
What’s so cool about your dick that you had to make a rule about not measuring it with several partners?
What a sneaky and freaky thing to do! Very, very sneaky to ask you to close your eyes and then do the thing you clearly stated you didn’t want her to do! To me, it would break my trust.
Also, you could wonder why on earth she needs to measure the length of your dick? Does she want to tell her girlfriends about it? Does she have other guys lined up whose dick-size she knows?
Be careful with this one! Keep your eyes open and don’t tolerate any more red flags!
Fwiw she probably didn’t measure it correctly so there is a good chance you still don’t actually know your size.
It’s doubtful the measurement was accurate, or useful for the sake of comparison, if done in such a fashion (rushed, moving, likely not fully erected etc), so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Besides, it’s just a number at the end of the day, and furthermore nothing material has actually changed since before this incident. Your penis, and you, are the same as you were before the measurement.
She had a ruler in the bed ready to go?? Imagine if a man had tailors tape ready to go to measure their gf’s breast or waist … yikes
The most fucked up part is that she had you close your eyes, knowing that you would not want her to do it, and did it anyway.
Ask her how much she weighs…
You told her not to, and she did it anyway.
She took away your bodily autonomy and consent.
Why did she need to know the number? She’s seen it. She’s felt it. She knows if it’s “good enough” for her already.
Does she want to tell her friends? Does she want bragging rights? Or validation that it’s “small”?
This is an insane breach of trust. I would be livid.
For me, this would be over.
That’s assault. You established a boundary in regards to your body and she intentionally violated it.
The only dicks I have ever measured are dildos, but I am a lesbian and haven’t been with men.
She crossed the line here, I am sorry that happened to you.
What other boundaries will she ignore that pertain to you? You should get out of this relationship.
If you weren’t hard the measurement isn’t accurate by any means. A ruler wouldn’t be as accurate as a tape measure either.
Honestly, I fail to see how your size could come up in conversation organically unless it’s deliberately done and definitely not a slip of the tongue. Let’s say it was an “accident”, If she’s this loose lipped with just you (already knowing your feelings), imagine how she is uncensored with alcohol in her system or just with friends in general. She won’t keep this quiet. It’s likely lots of people are already very aware of your sex life already. This won’t stay between you two.
Really consider if this girl is for you. People who care for you don’t break your boundaries or do things to make you uncomfortable. They definitely don’t try to break them and hide it. If she can push this she’ll push other things too. She doesn’t take what you say seriously. That’s messed up. So no don’t brush this off. Have a serious conversation with her about this whether you stay with her or not. What she did is gross and not okay.
Not defending what the GF did but… is there a reason you are so terrified to know how big your dick is? It’s not as if knowing changes anything about it whatsoever