What would you do if your partner told you that it was exhausting being with you?

43 comments

1. Reconsider the entire relationship. They’re entitled to feel like that, but it’s a hurtful thing to say to your partner and they clearly don’t care about my feelings.

2. I’d consider ending the relationship. I don’t want to keep a relationship going with someone that finds me exhausting. It’s not exactly going to get better.

3. I’m chronically mentally ill; It’d be a very valid feeling. Even without that aspect, people can and do adopt different toxic traits without realising, and then end up with some kind of hurt- or harmful behaviour that isn’t tenable. I’m not an exception, and while it’d hurt to be told that it’s *exhausting* to be around me, I’d still prefer that to being unaware, dumped, and left to wonder why.

   Regardless, I’d want us to sit down and have an honest talk about why he felt like this and what he’d need me to change. Maybe there’d be things that could be worked on, maybe there wouldn’t, maybe he’d be in the right, maybe he wouldn’t. But people are entitled to find behaviours, workloads or whatever exhausting and to express it, even to loved ones and even if they disagree, and if he didn’t see it as an immediate irreparable situation, I wouldn’t either.

4. I really don’t know. We have twin toddlers and I’m less than a month away from my due date with our third

   Maybe I’d suggest she take a vacation for a couple weeks, I’d ask my mom to come early and stay with me to help out and hopefully she’s just exhausted of dealing with pregnant me and not done with our relationship

   Idk, I’d probably cry a lot

5. I’d ask exactly what they found exhausting about me. If it’s everything and it has no fix then it’s time to end the relationship

6. I’d probably evaluate my coffee intake lol
   But, I’m a pretty quiet individual, much more of an observer than a talker so I’d be interested to hear more about what he’s thinking. So I’d ask why he feels that way or for him to expand on that.

7. Ask them what was exhausting about me and then reevaluate if I want to be in a relationship with them anymore.

8. I’ll free her from that exhaustion by all means , she knows how I’ll do exactly what she says including breaking up.

9. I’d be sad but I’d agree. It just hurts to hear. I know I’m a lot to deal with.

10. Personally I think you need to understand why they say that. To step back and see if there’s room for growth or they’re just saying it to be mean and hurt you. I struggle with emotional disorders that unfortunately cause some issues in my relationship and I KNOW I’m a lot to handle. And when having an honest conversation he admitted I am a lot to handle and it’s hard. But then he backed it up with reassuring me that he loves me and wouldn’t wanna be with anyone else. So it really just depends on the context and your partner. It still hurts having someone say you’re exhausting or a lot to handle, but personally for me that presents a question you can ask your partner. “What is it that’s exhausting about being with me?” Or “what would you like to see improvement with?”. Thats the best way to have improvement in yourself and in your relationship (again if they’re not saying it in a harsh way to destroy you emotionally). My partner is open with me that my constant need for reassurance is hard on him, and even my therapist agrees that I need to learn how to self regulate and take a lot of that pressure off him. Sometimes it helps opens your eyes and see what the other person deals with. Hope this helped !

11. Completely reconsider the relationship and try to understand where they are coming from. Depending on the issues raised I would either agree to try and improve or disagree with the possibility of a break up.

12. That would be unexpected and out-of-character for my partner, so it would be hurtful and likely damage my trust in our relationship. I’d discuss it with them to gain a better understanding of their point of view, but if we aren’t compatible, then that sucks but the relationship would end. I would be willing to try counseling together, but, tbh, knowing that they felt that way about me would be fairly soul-crushing, so I don’t know that I’d be able to move past it.

13. I’d look inwards.

14. I’d be like, “Same, dude. It’s exhausting being with myself.”

15. I’d understand.

16. Part ways, thank him for being honest, his low energy was not a match, good riddance.

17. Agree and dump him.

18. Leave immediately. Who in their right mind would stay with someone who is openly drained by them?? Bye

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20. Pour a glass of wine and self-reflect upon how my behavior affects those around me

21. Tell them to go find less.

22. Leave lol because wtf even? There’s tons of better ways to communicate that. They’re simple ways as well, so if they’re not even capable of THAT, then honestly you’re better off without them.

23. I would tell them I’m not forcing them to be with me and they’re welcome to leave tbh. If we can’t work through our problems and resentments are building and aren’t resolvable? What are we doing here.

24. Ask them to be more specific and go from there. Is it a certain behavior I can change around them at least? something I can avoid doing? is it just all of me so the only way is to end it?

    Also, how old the relationship is, my feelings towards my partner in general, etc

    There is much to consider and I wouldn’t place so much weight on just one sentence

25. That would be heartbreaking and unexpected. I think I’d cry for a while before trying to decide if staying made sense.

26. Both consider ending it AND doing some real self reflection

27. Damn. I would be sad.

28. I would tell them to take a vacation from me. Permanently.

29. Show him the door.

30. Evidently I hold on for a few more months trying to save the relationship in vain, become more financially entangled, and finally watch the relationship blow up spectacularly. Pro tip: just because he expressed the exhaustion in an otherwise touching poem doesn’t make it any less of a death rattle for the relationship.

31. Take a step back, re-evaluate the relationship, leave said relationship, focus on myself. Easy peasy

32. Gently make fun of him. “Haha, then why did you choose me, masochist?”

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34. I exhaust myself. I would say you should take more personal time, that’s what I do when I’m too damn much.

35. I had this said to me once in a very toxic relationship. He admitted I put in 90% of the effort in the relationship and he put in 10%, but I was supposed to be okay with that because “I knew how he was”. So me being exhausting was asking for the effort of a 50/50 partnership. I probably would have settled for 70/30.

    Anyway, if it happened again I would ask what they mean and seriously consider if both our needs were met by this relationship.

36. I’d honestly ask what’s exhausting about me. If there’s a possible solution, and I really want this relationship and my partner, I’d try my best working on it. I’ll be vocal that I’m trying my best as well, reassure them although you’re exhausting, you’re trying.

    If there’s nothing left to fix or work on, I’d be exiting the stage and relieving my partner of such an exhausting person.

37. Been there done that. I’m now single. Not worth it.

38. Give them a permanent break.

    I’m not wasting my time, energy, love and fidelity on someone who doesn’t even like me! Being single is infinitely better than being in a shitty relationship.

39. Do some introspection. Either they’re a huge asshole or I have been doing something fucked up I need to take accountability for.

40. I’d tell him he made his choices and if he wants to make different ones that’s fine by me.

41. I’d have to ask my boyfriend why he said that, considering that isn’t anything I’d think he would say to begin with? He’s not intentionally mean or cruel so I’d need some context.

42. Then they aren’t the one for you.

    Provided that you are being yourself—that you’re not intoxicated or under stress etc

    If you’re being your true self and they say this?? Bye bye.

43. Been there, divorced that.