I (38F) went out with a man (37) last night who wrote that he worked in finance on his profile. I’m not seeking someone because of their particular job, but I do want my future partner to be self-sufficient, productive, and yes, somewhat ambitious. A few minutes into the date, he asked me about my work and I told him how I went through a career change a few years ago that involved going back to school to get my master’s degree, and how glad I am that I pushed myself to go through that. He said he can’t wait to figure out what he wants to do when he grows up. I said, oh is finance not for you afterall? He responds that he actually left that career over 1.5 years ago, and has been basically burning through his savings doing nothing while also going on trips around the world for months at a time. I asked what his long-term plan was, and he shrugged and said he hasn’t really thought about it. He’s aware that he needs to get a job eventually, and even applied to the bar where our date took place, though he never got a response. I asked, how come your profile stated that you work in finance if that’s not the case? He said women tend to like men who have jobs. I said, yes that’s true, but now here you are 15 minutes into a date with a woman and you’re already admitting that you lied and have no job, nor any ambition…
Fortunately I was on-call over the weekend for my own job and was called by a colleague a few minutes later and asked if I could make an urgent visit to a client. I practically yelled “YES” on the phone, apologized to my date, and quickly excused myself. I texted him later apologizing again, but also said that I was thrown through a loop by our conversation and do not want to date someone who does not share the same goals or values as me, and who is also not honest upfront. Surprise surprise, no response. But seriously, what’s the point of being dishonest about something pretty major on your profile if you’re just going to confess on the first date?
16 comments
Wow, that’s certainly something! It sounds like he put about as much thought into your question as he has into his career plans.
Its pretty simple. A lot of people (mostly women) will have incredibly high standards to actually respond to someone in online dating. However IRL people often develop feels for others who are nowhere close to the standards they set in online dating. Therefore people lie to get the initial foot in the door and then try to come clean ASAP hoping it won’t be a deal breaker.
I (M 53) already carried a lazy (and cheating) ex-wife. I’m not carrying anyone else. You don’t have to be a high roller since I’m not (I’m comfortable), but you at least need to have a job. Just speaking for myself, naturally.
Then again, people lie about all kinds of stuff in OLD, like weight, etc. Men and women (using OLD pictures, head shots, etc.). I’m always truthful because the truth is always going to come out regardless (I’m also a horrible liar).
If someone is looking for a long-term relationship and they’re lying on their profile, I would find that a little suspicious; but if someone is trying to find something casual and they’re just playing the algorithms, then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
You said it yourself in the post. He knew he won’t get dates if he’s honest about being unemployed so he lied to get a date with you.
lol he’s 37 and still behaving like an 18 year old. Dude needs to grow up.
Men do that because they think they are so fantastic that when you see them IRL you will forget all about your preferences.
Cuz we have no choice but to lie
Crazy. He’s a loser!
Pretty similar to people who use old photos of themselves when they were 50lb lighter. I recalled not even recognizing this giant round man walking towards my direction.
Men who do this are really just shooting themselves in the foot. He needs to get a job THEN try dating, not lie and hope that his date will overlook his dishonesty. Most women won’t.
Wow. I’m vague with my job, maybe even underplay it. This guy just flat out lied. Awful.
Men who lie do that so they can meet the girl hoping they just accept the red flag cause they are already on the date and brush it off. Same concept with girls that catfish.
Guy I had a date with put that they had no kids. On my profile I put didn’t want kids. Surprise surprise he then mentioned his son.🙄
A year and a half is just 2022. If I left a position last year I wouldn’t change my dating profile to say unemployed. You don’t have to keep your profile updated that much. Also It sounds like this guy made a large sum of money, those types of people can easily jump back into the field when they are ready and get back to it. You should call him and apologize, maybe he will give you another chance.
Sounds like dude needs to grow up and own up to his reality …. Nothing wrong if you’re still trying to figure stuff up but don’t lie about it
I agree. I will cut someone loose if they lie about their height. Don’t tell me you are 6’0″ when you are only 5’9″. I don’t do well with liars.