A cousin/close friend of ours always sarcastically says “thanks for the invite” whenever something comes up in conversation that my husband and I have done (such as go to a concert, out to a new restaurant etc.) I know he is joking but also know there is some truth to it as we usually go on double dates together but just every now and then. My husband and i really value our time alone as well as hanging out with other friends so it’s not realistic to always invite this person and his wife. I am looking for a good “comeback” but not in a mean way, just something to say in the same sarcastic manner. Any ideas?
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I’m a fucking weirdo , but in circumstances like this , I would probably say something like , “ oh sorry , this was our hemorrhoid-free for 10 days celebration !” And every time use a a different ailment …
Well you’re not my husband so you don’t always need to come.
did you want to go?
“I thought it was YOUR turn to plan something for us!” Big smile.
Either that, or don’t bring up stuff about your outings.
I wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Petty people only want you to react.
Just say, “Anytime!” and leave it at that. Otherwise, ignore him. It sounds like what he’s really saying is that he wished he and his wife went along with you, and he’s a little tired of hearing how much fun it was.
“They sell tickets to anyone. Maybe you should plan ahead yourself.”
Seems like most of these replies don’t solve the problem and only make things worse.
The answer is simple. Dive deeper. You don’t need a comeback, you need to ask why he says that next time it happens. While delving into that topic, explain that you and your husband value your personal time together and that you have other friends too.
All you need to do is handle it like an adult and talk about it. You can always ignore it and not give into it.
I think it’s better to discuss it so both parties walk away one step ahead rather than one step back in the relationship
You don’t need a comeback, but a little bit of consideration may not go amiss in this situation.
Your cousin’s sarcastic jibes probably hide a genuine feeling of exclusion (especially if it’s a busy event like a concert, this can hardly be counted as ‘alone time’ the way a meal for two at a restaurant could be).
Maybe he didn’t know that band was playing and it would’ve been nice for the heads up? If it’s a seated event then it’s very easy to get your two tickets together first and then mention it to your cousin. You’re not leaving him out, but you still get to sit by yourself with your husband.
If this is too much of an effort then a simple solution is to pre plan the double dates – if it’s every couple of months then you take turns planning something and you all know it’s going to be on the first Saturday of every other month (for example). Anything outwith that is on your own.
In reality though, how hard is it to shoot a text with a link to a gig or if it’s something that’s not date specific (eg a new bar) you can get in touch and say ‘hey, husband and I went to this place last night and it was great! We should definitely go there together sometime.’
I know you’ll get a lot of replies saying it’s not your responsibility to make sure he has a social life, (which it isn’t!) but it’s not hard to be a little kinder.
I’d just say “you’re welcome!” with a huge smile. The trick is to always play into the diss 😈.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Think nothing of it.”
Be incredibly naive and honest about it. Just say “I dont understand, you weren’t invited. We didnt want you to go. What are you talking about?”.
If he has a problem with not being invited he can invite you back or talk about it like a normal person. Make him explain himself.
start doing it to him “jokingly” too whenever he mentions something he or they did
The spotting technique for dealing with passive aggression. In this case it would go something like this:
Dont be sarcastic. Be direct but not accusatory. Ask what they mean by that, ask if they genuinely feel excluded. Say it with concern.
They’ll say ‘no it’s a joke’ of course, because passive aggressiveness is about plausible deniability. So at this point you say ‘oh ok then!’ and move on- dont get drawn into an argument.
But the tactic has been noted now. So next time they say it, point it out again. And again.
Passive aggressive people hate talking about their actual feelings, so they cover it up with sarcasm. Sarcastic jabs back won’t work, they love those games. The scariest thing you can say to them is “do you want to have an honest talk about your feelings?”. So thats your threat. (But often when that talk is eventually had it turns out to be very necessary)
Does he ever initiate an invite to you?
“Thanks for the invite!”
You: “Sure!”
You brightly and cheerfully responding that way leaves him flatfooted. If he feels annoyed with you, he can expand on the remark but that takes it out if the joke category. Most likely, he’ll just be annoyed and not reply.
“Joking” back at him, say: “get your own husband, sometimes I want mine to myself” then laugh, and move on
“I can text you a link to Ticketmaster if you want. They have invitations to *tons* of events.”
Personally I’d just lean into it, “You know you guys are always a blast, but we wanted to spare you two having to endure the cringe worthy amount of affection we both were throwing around that whole time.” Or “You guys are always a party, but we also need to practice having fun out when it’s just the two of us.” 🙂