Is it ok that wife doesn’t initiate sex?

5 comments

1. “Fair” isn’t a useful concept. I get the appeal of fairness but ultimately, getting hung up on it isn’t likely to get you two, as a couple, anywhere. We don’t want our partners to fuck us out of fairness, right?

   If she’s receptive to you initiating, if the two of you have a fulfilling sex life, then those things will anchor your marriage more so than “who initiates.” That’s especially true if she has responsive desire. After all, let’s say she initiated more, not because she feels it but because she feels obligated to do so: would you find that satisfying? I’m guessing “no.”

   Have you considered scheduling sex? Not exclusively but creating an expectation that, say, Saturday night is reserved for sexy time and that way, neither of you have to deal with the issue of initiation.

2. Not sure if its not fair, but coming from a 34F who is still discovering herself sexually. I find the act of initiating taunting. Theres a lot that goes through my mind in the aspect of possible rejection, feel like im interrupting games/tv, lack of confidence, uncomfortable/awkwardness. I dont know if im explaining myself well in this regard. But perhaps your wife has similar views.

3. No ones opinion counts but your

4. No. IMO it’s not. In a relationship and *especially* marriage it’s important that both people initiate sex and not put the onus on one person to always initiate something.

   What would happen if you just stopped initiating sex all together? Do you think she would initiate?

5. I used to never initiate sex because I was too shy and nervous to. And never really knew what to do to initiate it without feeling embarrassed. Not sure if that’s what your wife is experiencing but I used to have that issue. My boyfriend spoke to me about it and told me how it made him feel bad that I never wanted him until he wanted me and I told him the reasoning behind it. Because I felt embarrassed(I get shy, nervous, and embarrassed very easily). I’ve been working on it this past year and it’s gotten better. If I were you, I’d talk to her about it, ask her why she never initiates anything. If she feels shy or embarrassed. It could be because she likes to be put in the mood.. hope this helps