This is a bit long so TLDR at the end of this.
My gf (19F) and I (20F) have been dating for a bit longer than 3 years. We have spent every single day together, sometimes sleeping at her place and other times at mine. We are perfect for eachother and our relationship has been going very strong. I was so certain i found the one and only. We are actually planning on getting engaged. Sometimes i have to admit i do feel a bit drained or lonely bcs my gf is a princess and she needs a lot of attention and i do a lot of things only for her 24/7. I never complain tho bcs this is something i love about her and she does return the favor every once in a while. Anyways now let’s get into what happened.
My best friend invited me on a trip with 5 other ppl. It ended up only being 2 other ppl for some reason. I didn’t know them but i thought it might be fun. My gf stayed at home bcs she couldn’t get these days off.
So I go on this trip and I have to share a room with my best friend, his gf and one of his friends (19F), let’s call her Amy. (we are all queer. I’m into girls and the three of them are bi)
My best friend and his gf share a bed, Amy takes the other bed and i sleep on this big sofa in the corner of the room. All went well and we had a lot of fun. We decided to drink a bit the first night there and i got really drunk. (where I live you can drink at 18 years old already) Ofc i didn’t cheat bcs I am loyal af but when i woke up the next morning still hungover, the three of them were already getting dressed and Amy had this beautiful dress on that made her look drop dead gorgeous. Idk if it was my tipsy mind or something but in that moment i saw her in a completely different light. I feel so bad about this. We hit it off instantly and had a blast together. She is the complete opposite of my gf and has same interests and humor as i do. Since my best friend was often doing stuff with his gf, Amy and I had a lot time to ourselves and we played some video games and card games together every evening. We laughed like idiots and have some insiders already. Even shared food sometimes bcs she wasn’t that hungry most of the time. Normally i don’t like to share drinks and foods with other ppl due to hygiene and stuff but i didn’t mind at all with her.
I immediately recognized my behavior and thoughts and came to the realization that I was starting to crush on a girl i just met. I called my gf and texted her more frequently to remind myself how lucky i am to have her. But whenever i put the phone down i couldn’t help but focus on Amy. Amy knows about me gf ofc. I would never hide the fact that i am in a relationship. Even tho i felt like Amy was flirting a bit one or two times but then again we were just joking arouns a lot.
The trip was about 5 days long and now I’m back home. My gf is currently fast asleep next to me while i type this. I just feel like i am having a crisis. Never before have I even thought about the possibility of my gf and me breaking up. But now I am not sure about the engagement anymore and I feel like I can’t breathe and everything is going so fast. I have been with her since i was 18 years old and I feel like I miss being single and being my own person. I never had any serious relationships other than this one and now I’m wondering if i am missing out on any expieriences i could have had. Like what would it be like to date someone with the same interests as me? Or how does it feel to just have a casual fling sometimes and flirt around just for fun? I am getting older and i feel like i haven’t experienced enough things. Like time is slipping away from my grasp. But I know I love her and I will never have a relationship like this ever again. I appreciate her and everything she does.
I also want to add that this is not about Amy. I might have a little crush on her but my feelings for my girlfriend shouldn’t change bcs of that. Also I wouldn’t leave my gf bcs of Amy. I think having Amy around me for a few days just reminded me of what it’s like to have a crush and these little butterflies you get when you like someone as a teenager. Even If my gf and I would break up, it wouldn’t mean Amy and I would become a thing. At least that’s what I’m thinking.
The first night I came back home and my gf told me that she loves me, i said it back but held back tears bcs of the guilt I felt and the feeling of being uncertain about our relationship. I just want to go back to how things were before i went on this trip and be obsessed with my gf again. At the same time i catch myself occasionally thinking of Amy and missing the fun moments we had. We haven’t talked since we said goodbye yesterday but i still check my phone to see if she sent me any memes. Which she didn’t so i am certain that she views me as a friend and doesn’t even think about me anymore. Which is absolutely fine and i did hope for this to be the case because i am in a relationship after all.
My gf is obsessed with me and loves me deeply. I can’t tell her about my doubts because I know it would destroy her and I could never do this to her. But I can’t talk to anyone about this. Today i just found myself to be a bit annoyed and out of it. Like my mood just changed completely since i came back. I am scared of my gf noticing it because she will blame herself. It’s not her fault after all.
We planned our whole life together and she made me a better person so why do i feel so lost?
Is this normal or am I falling out of love? Am I just having some sort of crisis or am I actually losing feelings for my gf? How can i stop this? How can i fix this?
(TLDR) I developed a small crush on a new friend and now I am wondering if i am losing feelings for my gf.