To be fair I don’t know ow the first thing about engagement rings so idk if 3.5 is considered small. But I saw a post on IG that said basically couples that get larger and larger rings have higher divorce rates than small ones so I sent it to her sort of as a joke/just interesting post. We’ve talked about it in the past and she told me she would “want” a minimum of 3.5 karat ring and that she doesn’t care if it’s real or lab grown… shape…etc. so I knew this already. But not sure if this is a red flag or I’m over thinking it.
Some context, we both make good money 6 figures each and she does make more than me so I don’t think she’s purely in it for the money, but to me ring size shouldn’t matter if you love someone.
Her response(she misunderstood the image at first)
https://imgur.com/a/sttK7bh
9 comments
Hmm I was going to say it’s a slight red flag, since it’s 100% the effort and thought that matters vs. ring size, but I’m also not very materialistic compared to some other women. Plus considering you’re both financially comfortable, I think it’s less of an issue. It’d be worse if it was something she’s demanding while you guys were already just getting by. It’s hard to provide a fully formed opinion without knowing how you both generally handle money and material things throughout the relationship, but I wouldn’t be too concerned. Kinda interested what her wedding requirements are though, if she’s that obsessive over the ring.
Shouldn’t the ring matter since she will presumably be wearing it every day? i get the concept of it shouldn’t matter if you love the person, but at the same time I personally think it *should* matter to the person giving it that the recipient likes it *because you love them*
What is the concern this raises for you?
Edit – genuine question, not rhetorical.
You plan to spend the rest of your life with this woman, and you’re thinking about pinching pennies on something she will wear for the rest of her life? If you don’t ditch the cheap attitude, you will be headed for divorce. Get her the ring she wants. SHE is going to be one who has to look at it for the REST OF HER LIFE. What is wrong with you? So disgustingly insecure that you have to buy a woman a tiny ugly little ring to prove to yourself that she’s not using you??? Wtf? She is literally agreeing to spend the REST OF HER LIFE WITH YOU, AND YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT SAVING $$$ ON A RING??? You deserve to be single forever if you cannot comprehend how disgusting you are being
Then don’t give her a ring.
Diamonds are not rare or valuable. It’s ridiculous to put money into a bauble that’s inherently worthless.
[DeBeers created a monopoly](https://www.businessinsider.com/history-of-de-beers-2011-12) and they controlled the market for decades.
If you have $10,000 to throw in the street, or set on fire, knock yourself out I guess
But do you want a partner who is telling you that she wants to wear a Toyota on her finger? Or does that sound as dumb to you as it does to me?
If literally the only thing she cares about is the size then I don’t think it will be that expensive. You could probably get a really shitty quality one for 10k
If she doesn’t really care if it’s lab-created or natural, maybe she’d be open to a moissanite ring? They’re gorgeous stones and you could get a lot more bang for your buck. My boyfriend and I got my ring off of Etsy and it’s so pretty. I’d also check out East West Gem Co., I was going to go through them before I found my dream ring. I wish you the best of luck with this situation.
Go out ring shopping together. Let her try on various styles. For us, it was more about how the ring looked on her finger instead of the carat size.
In the end, the cost was a bit more than what I was prepared to spend. But seeing her face light up and catching her randomly stare at it with a giddy expression… Hard to put a price on that.
Mind you, it was no where in the neighbourhood of a +3.5 carat ring, that is a steep ask.
I feel both sides of the argument are important.
* Man should get the woman a ring she loves.
* Woman should request a ring the man can afford.
And then finding a mutual agreement that works for the couple, not just for one side.
It is a bonus she says she doesn’t care about lab grown, that means bigger rock for cheaper.
Go out ring shopping as a couple, you will get a much better idea what to look for in terms of styles.
We must have hit up at least 15 different shops, and shockingly she had the biggest reactions to the cheaper ones she was trying on based on the look instead of size.
Really did turn out to be how the ring looked on the finger instead of the price/size.
Marriage as a whole tends to benefit women much less than men. By that I mean their mental, emotional, financial and sexual health takes a toll; not to mention the decades of unpaid labor she’ll statistically be doing.The least she can get is a ring she’s somewhat happy with. I actually do have a small ring but I helped pick it out and I love it. We worked to find one in our budget together. (Even the stone has a personal meaning for us.)
Is everything a red flag nowadays, by the way? I find stinginess much more of a red flag than a ring preference.