Today my (25M) partner (24M) did something upsetting where he basically went back on an important agreement because he forgot he promised it. I was very upset in the moment and he felt shitty for forgetting. Then we have talked after my emotions settled I felt much better.
I was wondering though, how do you all handle this specific beat in the conflict, where you’re not entirely sure that you’ve forgiven them RIGHT NOW but you know things will be OK tomorrow? Where he still feels really bad but you also still don’t feel 100% and maybe don’t feel like being so doting as usual?
Because usually if he feels bad (broadly, like upset or frustrated at life) my response is “I’m sorry” or “it’s okay” and invite him to talk about it but… I’m not sorry and it isn’t okay. This time I had to go back on shift so we sort of handled this moment separate to each other. But in the future…?
Tl;dr anyone got any good scripts or pointers for the moment after conflict when no one feels 100% yet? Thank you 🙏
2 comments
First of all, you are allowed to have emotions. Please give them space and let them run their course so they don’t get stuck on the way out. It’s perfectly normal to not feel 100% after an argument even if it’s been resolved. Maybe try telling him you aren’t over it yet and just need some space to let your emotions run their course, always great to communicate. Also, it’s possible you don’t feel like you’ve gotten to the root of the issue yet and it may not be fully resolved for you. Maybe try having another conversation with him?
I think space is key here.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about / nothing wrong with not feeling 100% and ready to talk yet. Even if you feel sorry for him, I think it’s necessary for you to both sort out your feelings, and sometimes sleeping on it helps.
Everyone is different, but I may say something like: ‘I just need some time to think right now, let’s revisit this in the morning.’ Or: ‘I can see you’re feeling bad, but I’m not ready to discuss this right now/any further.’ Or: ‘I don’t want to fight. Right now, I think I want to take some time to let this sink in, is that ok?’