I had a girl breakup with me when I was 31. I’m 33 now and I still have romantic thoughts about her despite dating her for less than 2 years. I felt that she would be my life partner.
Although I’ve had relationships in the past, I’ve not been able to move on so easily. Is this what breakups are like when you’re in your 30s?
I don’t want to feel like I’m alone here.
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I feel that we get older, and we realize how difficult it is to find someone else, or to even rehash old flames to hope for a second chance. I’m going to say, yes, it seems way more difficult, and yet we have so many responsibilities around us that we cannot properly mourn them, we have to keep going. I know for me, I have a job, bills, and cats, so even though my last break up sucked, I’m still going to keep pressing forward, though I want to give up sometimes. This becomes even harder as I haven’t had a date, let alone physical touch in a long time now.
I’ve only had 1 gf, but had my heart broken twice.
I’m 32.
It has gotten easier over time (1st nearly killed me and I didn’t get over it for over a decade, 2nd still devastated me but I’m mostly over it nearly a year later).
I can only imagine they get easier as life goes on.
I still think about both girls…
Eh, for me personally, no. But I also haven’t had any serious relationships in a long while. I think if I were to be with someone for a couple years, at this age, and then it crumbled, it’d probably have a significant impact.
are you feeling this way because you feel that your life will start as soon as you have a partner by your side? don’t put your life on hold, live life for yourself.
breakups are easier for me because with each year i become better at reading people. i know when things aren’t going to work out and i no longer try to make something happen when it’s obvious that it’s not going to happen. if i find a partner, i will be very happy but it’s not the only thing going for me.
They are much less frequent, but yes, I think so. Likely it’s a combination of intentional dating, knowing yourself so much better and past heartbreaks.
We’ve refined our needs/wants, worked on ourselves, and have been through some stuff by this age. We’re ready to share our lives with someone.
I get really excited about someone maybe once every 5 years. The heartache is real. Just had it happen and fuck Im realllllly struggling to pick myself up from this one. Last time? About 5 years ago. 😒
This makes me think of the Sex and the City episode where Cari and Burger are talking. Cari mentions that we don’t date people who are wildly inappropriate for us like we did in our 20’s. The mathches are closer and more painful when they don’t pan out. Heavily paraphrasing here, but I’ve found it to be true.
My first and only breakup was divorcing out of a 20 year relationship due to infidelity. I feel like I’ve already experienced maximal heartache from that, such that a future breakup would have little impact.
I find them easier, only because I’ve been through it before so I know exactly how to care for my wounds.
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If you’re not a prolific dater (or simply have trouble recruiting dates to whom you’re attracted), it’s tough to accept that your best case scenario found ***her*** best-case scenario elsewhere. I miss someone who cut me off after a 6-week fling back in 2016.
I don’t have any advice.
I think this is most of this sub, and I dont think its the break-up per say. Its the lost hope. I think everyone here hopes the next LTR will be their last, and when that doesnt happen, its like getting hit with a brick.. repeatedly.
No, for me they’ve become easier. Or I’ve become stronger. When I was late teens, breakups seemed like the end of the world. I would never feel like this for anyone, ever again. With the wisdom of age and a few breakups under my belt, I can see that there were other men before, and there will be other men after.
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Also, I know what pain and grief feel like. I’ve had two people that I loved very much die suddenly in the prime of their lives. If I can survive that, I can survive a relationship breakup easy.
They’ve always been really difficult for me. And I’m always the one initiating them 🙁
That’s a good question… for my personal situation it’s because there’s a fair bit of ‘what if there really is nobody else?’ in the back of my mind. I consider myself as having at least a couple of major dealbreakers so finding someone feels like it would be a million to one on a good case, or 0% worst.
my perspective: the older we get the more sure/rigid we are in what we want in a partner so when we do get that (at whatever level), it hurts more when its gone.
Although, I do like someones comment here that we become better at self care so can be easier to come back from it or guard against it initially…
One thing I’ve realized recently, is it’s not the length of the relationship that dictates how hard the breakup will be, from a getting over it standpoint. The breakup that has taken me the longest to get over was maybe half a year.
I think it’s the state of the relationship at the time of breakup that has the biggest impact. The relationships where the breakup was one sided, or wasn’t for a specific comparability issue, but a timing issue, seem the be the hardest to get over.
I think this happens more as we get older because we know what we want, but at the same time, there is so much going on in our lives at this age that don’t allow for as much flexibility, and increased baggage from other relationships, all lead to unexpected breakups.
Is it not because they’re more recent? The ones from when you’re younger have had the longer passage of time to move on from…
I don’t think so, I think they get easier (but still not easy).
I remember my first love in high school and was crying so hard I thought I would throw up. It wrecked me for years.
Like with any pain, you get a bit more used to it as you experience it more, just the nature of existence. It’s why so many people turn cynical about things that have caused them pain in the past (relationship-wise or other things).
Rejection gets easier (at least in my experience), but the stakes seem higher. Collectively, that amounts to more—or at least more palpable—pain.
My experience has been that I’ve broken up earlier and earlier in the “turning to shit” process. In a way that’s good because I don’t suffer through it, but also, I don’t have time to build up a catalogue of why I hate the person and we’re bad together. This makes it a lot easier to keep rehashing my decision and thinking I made a mistake and sending drunk 3am texts.
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Depends on the strength of the relationship. I’ve had a rough breakup when I was a senior in college, and then some easy breakups in my 20’s & 30’s. Also a marriage “breakup” that wasn’t easy, but not super difficult either.
The worst breakup I’ve ever had though, was when I was in my 40’s. So yes & no, breakups can be more difficult with age, but there are too many factors to really have a difinitive answer.
They have been easier for me as I have gotten older because I can put things into perspective better and I realize that all break ups are not about me or something I did wrong. Yea the rejection stings a little bit but I usually can quickly move on from it.
It never gets easier
Eh. I feel everything less intensely now than when I was younger. Pretty used to people exiting my life at this point. When I leave a job or a friend stops replying to my texts it’s just like…well, bye. Everyone is in my life temporarily so it’s no use being surprised or sad when they leave.