Now let me explain.
We’re in an open polyamory relationship, she’s transfem (no worrying about pregnancy yippee :D), we’re free to sleep with other people as long as we ask the other person(s) first. I love her to bits and I know she does for me too, I have absolute confidence she’s not *actually* cheating because we’re both always completely open about what we’re doing when we’re with other people, she has zero reason to actually cheat because she can just ask to sleep with someone else.
With that out of the way! My gf is someone with a couple cuckold fantasies and none of us are comfortable with that sort of kink, no one wants to be shamed and feel bad, so she proposed a new idea. She wants to get together with someone as usual, under the guise that she’s cheating on me. Only the other guy thinks it’s actually cheating, and I’m completely in the know of what’s actually going on. I’m just curious as to what this sub thinks about this situation, because I’m considering it knowing she’s getting what she wants and no one is getting hurt in the process, I’m just unsure of any consequences it might potentially have that I’m not aware of, because I want nothing more than for her to be safe.
EDIT: THANK YOU to the people who gave their advice! It meant a lot and we decided against doing it after all so that we don’t get any unfavourable situations or toxic thirds involved in our lives. We’ll be doing roleplay together pretending she’s cheating on someone who obviously isn’t real, we think this is best as just a fantasy, and was a great suggestion 🙂
4 comments
I’d say the only immediately obvious issue I can see is the other person catching feelings and thinking your s/o feels the same way because of the “cheating” and then being shocked if it came to light that it was only a “game” for everyone involved except for them. Really don’t know how a person would react in that scenario.
I would say it isn’t really ethical or wise to rope someone into a cheating scenario they think is real. I know cheating isn’t ethical *either*, but a lot of people who do cheat experience bad effects because of it, or go on to cause more pain elsewhere. You might be causing them to experience feelings of immense guilt, or you’re helping to tear away more of their moral compass and make them more comfortable actually cheating on people, which could come to harm someone else.
It’s rather destructive to do that, in my opinion. it might be easy to say “I’m not responsible for what some cheater does/experiences” but you kind of ARE if you helped it all happen, by LYING for your own fun and amusement. There is just no way that’s right.
My suggestion would be to get the third person in on the simulated scenario. Don’t lie. Fake cheating can be pretty fun still. My partner and I sometimes dirty talk in bed like I’m forcing her to cheat on some imaginary boyfriend who isn’t as appealing in bed. It’s a good chuckle. It’s all made up and it affects nobody.
This is insanely unethical as you are involving another party and lying to them, bringing them into your kinks without their consent. Absolutely not okay. “No one is getting hurt” is completely untrue. You are literally leading someone into an unethical scenario–cheating is unethical itself, as is bringing someone into your kink without their consent. None of this is even remotely ethical and safe. As well, the chances of getting with someone who’s already got bad ethics enough to be perfectly fine with being part of an affair is risky to your gf in of itself. Why would you want to have sex with someone who’s okay with being immoral? What else that’s unethical and immoral are they okay with? That’s not someone safe to sleep with.
This is a terrible idea and as an avid BDSMer I would never in a million years throw any support behind it.
Completely unethical.
Presumably you’re intending to practice ethical non-monogamy but you’re immediately lying to someone, immediately failing the ethical part.
Not only that, but your partner in turn is comfortable sleeping with someone who would happily lie to you, which speaks poorly to both their characters.