Guys with father issues, if you ever did, when and how did you stop seeking the approval of older men?

8 comments

1. Honestly alot of my male teachers growing up and my brother in law were like father figures to me so seeking approval was never really too much of a problem

2. I still catch myself trying to impress my dad, which is dumb, but I’m better than I used to be. One day I sat down and counted out all the things I’d done that he didn’t, that a normal parent would have congratulated me on, and then did the same for his accomplishments. At the end I realized I had done a lot more than I thought, and he was much more of a loser burnout than I’d remembered.

3. Honestly I never sought out older men’s attention I was raised by a very supportive mother and if anything I seek older women’s approval more than men’s.

4. I think I only fully did recently. For the last secede years my respect for him has drastically declined. Man to man there’s almost nothing I can admire about him. I’ve learned far more about what not to do and who not to be from him, especially in Interpersonal relationships. Without going into detail, he is an alcoholic and extremely emotionally abusive. A few months ago, after he got blackout drunk on my birthday and verbally harassed me and my mom, I tried to have an honest talk with him. I explained how his behavior affected me growing up, affected the way I view relationships, and my concerns for any future relationship we may have. He didn’t really listen to me and all his responses were cliche one liners that really didn’t mean anything. I found out he went to my mom and completely twisted everything I said to make it sound like I was going out of my way to be cruel to him and it resulted in a huge fight between my mom and me. When we finally had a talk and I explained what I really said she apologized and told me what he said after I told her what I really said. I was incredibly hurt and furious at him. Then, I just kind of let go. He isn’t someone I look up to, he isn’t someone I care to make proud, he isn’t a good man by almost any standard, he isn’t someone I can rely on, he isn’t someone I can trust. If he wasn’t family, I would have cut him out years ago. And with that I just stopped caring. I love him for what little love and good he did show me, but for everything else I just gave up on having any connections with him.

5. The man himself fixed it for me by giving 0 hints that he cared. When I tried to impress him as a kid, he either dismissed or critiqued me. At some point, I had a situation when at the last year at school teachers were surprised to discover that I actually had a dad, that much he was absent.
   It’s weird for me to speak about it because my way of fixing it was to move as far from my family as I could. Once I rebooted myself that way, I only cared about approval from the people I care about, which is normal, I guess

6. About 4. That’s a few years before my mom threw him out, but about when I realized he was a dipshit.

7. It’s really hard man. Since I’ve distanced myself with me dad, it’s getting easier as time goes on.

   You are you. You have a fucking voice and your opinion matters. Say it louder and louder !

8. Not older, wiser