To be clear, it’s a list I made, a little while after I found out that he had started talking to one of the people he had a crush on at work again despite assuring me he wouldn’t. I had never wanted to actually *use* it, I just wanted to be prepared in case things started going the way they looked like they might.
Anyway we got in a fight while I was a few hours away. He had sounded alarmed that I was coming home, but didn’t mention anything about leaving, turned off his location services, and then when I got home he was gone and the list was sitting by itself on the bed.
Maybe it’s the complete lack of sleep, but I can’t tell if this assumption is the most rational or a huge leap anymore.IS there any good reason he would have put that there aside from wanting a divorce???
Part of me thinks I’m jumping to conclusions, while the other part of me feels like I would be an idiot not to see the writing on the wall.
Tl;Dr: came home to empty house and list of attorneys (that I made, but still…) on the bed. That can’t be a meaningless accident, right?
46 comments
What we have here is a failure to communicate. Try communicating more. Who knows what he means, unless you talk to him about it
Call him and ask him what he meant by that and what he meant by turning off his location service. Make him spell it out for you. Make him tell you exactly what his intention is.
That said, if he is with the other woman then I think you know the answer.
Did he know about this list prior? Was it hidden?
If I found a random divorce attorney list. I’d pretty much be preparing myself for divorce
If I understand this correctly – your husband has a crush on a coworker. You asked him not to talk to this person (reasonable). He said he wouldn’t, but is talking to them anyhow. You came home to any empty house and your list of divorce attorneys.
Yeah, it’s over. Use that list.
Your husband is pursuing a coworker. Use the list of attorneys and hire one.
Maybe his reaction to you coming home was that he was caught,the woman was there, and instead of talking to you about it, he just assumed you’d be leaving as you knew.
That’s my opinion anyway.
The woman was there, he thought he had been caught, that’s why you were coming back.
Just act as if you know she was there 🤷🏻♀️
>it’s a list I made, a little while after I found out that he had started talking to one of the people he had a crush on at work again despite assuring me he wouldn’t. I had never wanted to actually use it, I just wanted to be prepared in case things started going the way they looked like they might.
Based on that information alone, AND, based on the fact he’s gone, turned off his location, I would say that it is the WRITING on the wall.
It’s…telling someone they want a divorce without telling someone, basically.
ETA: Idk if you’re an idiot to hold up some hope, but yeah. Another possibility is your husband is that type who loves to play mind games with you–making it like he’s taken the most drastic path– so that you will be so afraid that he wants a divorce therefore you will come groveling to him pleading for him to work things out or at least talk about it. All about you proving YOUR “love” for him type of ‘game.’
Either he found the note and was *shocked* that his actions affect you, and have consequences. Or, he found the note and is using that as an excuse to be unfaithful.
I don’t know what this says about your marriage – but if it is over, look at this as the easy way out of a bad relationship.
Yup
You all done for
I can’t help but feel you looking into lawyers just because your husband *spoke* to a woman he’s attracted to…was a bit extreme. When he saw that list, he might’ve felt like you were a bit unhinged to be so quick to think about divorce, not to mention hurt. Yes, he hurt you by his behavior, but I could understand him being upset with you that this was your response. I know you didn’t intend for him to find the list nor did you threaten him with divorce, but it looks bad. I would give him some space.
it sounds like you shot yourself in the foot by creating a self fulfilling prophecy. all of this because he was flirting with someone- you don’t even have any clue whether he actually did anything with this person. so it’s very possible that you left around a list of attorneys which understandably hurt him very much, and he decided that you were already signed out, so what’s the use to keep trying.
if i was having issues with my partner but still trying to make things work and found out they were researching divorce attorneys then i would be completely over trying to resolve things, too.
But you made the list and he found it? If that’s the case then it’s pretty obvious he found your list and is pissed.
You made a list of attorneys. It looks like you’re the one that wants a divorce and that’s probably how he took it. You didn’t make a list of marriage counselors which is probably what you should have done first.
Here’s a radical idea……. pick up the phone and ask him. We aren’t mind readers any more than you are.
Taking infidelity out of the equation, if I found my spouse had a list of divorce attorneys, I’d leave too. I’d take it as confirmation my spouse is going to divorce me so I need to start getting my own ducks in a row. The potential affair just makes it messier but the end result is the same: the relationship is over. Time to start making calls.
Sounds like he found the list and assumes you’re trying to blindside him with a divorce. So he’s probably scrambling to try to protect himself from you.
How did he get the list to begin with?
My take: He’s done with the marriage and is hoping you’ll take care of the paperwork for him.
So he didn’t initially know that you made the list when you first did?
Did he pack anything to take with him?
Have you tried calling/texting him?
The way this is written is that he found the list and thinks that you’re the one looking for the divorce. You both have absolutely shitty communication skills here need to have an adult conversation.
Writing on the wall! I would leave a relationship immediately!
You made the list?? Don’t threaten a divorce and then act surprised when he calls your bluff.
>Anyway we got in a fight while I was a few hours away.
Why were you fighting? How did he find the list? How long ago was it written? Had your relationship improved since then?
There’s really no way for us to tell you what he’s thinking based on this post as theres a bunch of missong context.
It was your list. What did you expect when he found it. Your story is confusing. I hope you can communicate better when communicating with your husband
Read through your post history to get a better idea of what your marriage is going through. So lemme get this straight…
1. He was in love with a gorgeous coworker
2. You are in a dead bedroom situation
3. You moved to a new city and lack a support system and social life
4. He stayed in contact with the woman you explicitly asked him to go no contact with.
5. You’ve been to couples counseling and you still made a list of attorneys
Not really sure what you’re trying to salvage here. It sounds like your husband has checked tf out of your marriage and maybe that list was the excuse he needed. And if you have a list were you going to proceed with divorce? Why make the list?
I’m confused as to why you’re asking us and not your husband. You made the list because you felt your marriage was heading towards divorce. Your husband is acting suspiciously and didn’t stick around to ask what that list was about and if you’re serious. That marriage has been over and he told you so without words.
What did you fight about?
What was the fight about?
lol, this all sounds so toxic. Y’all should get a divorce if you can’t even communicate like adults.
Info: why make a list? I’m assuming you googled to get the list, so couldn’t you have googled again if/when you realized you needed it? Were you hoping it would be seen?
Yea I think he went through it while you were gone and decided he thinks it’s over. Him turning off his location also means he either isn’t ready to talk about it and/or he is with another woman who has given him motivation to leave. I’m very sorry but if you are t able to contact him I would contact the best attorney on your list and schedule a consultation.
He is with his new honey. Hire the attorney. Sorry you’re going through this.
I don’t know why you’re upset when he’s already cheating; just use the list and get out of this drama
It was over when you made the list.
Did he pack ALL his belongings?
Maybe he found the list of attorneys and thought you were divorcing him
Yeah… he’s gone. Use the list.
Hes gone, filed for divorce, and is at his fuck buddies house
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. You wanted a divorce he’s giving it to you
Please call him and have a conversation.
If I were to guess your husband is if not cheating yet getting there in a hurry.
I’m so sorry.
Well, the list on the bed was a message. The message is, he is pissed, and wants you to know it.
Keep the list, you may need it.
He’s saying here’s a list call a divorce lawyer
I mean… Talk to him?
What if you pointed your face at his face and asked him questions you want answers to?
Im pretty sure he thinks that you want a divorce
Sounds like it’s over. Whether or not he found it and is angry that he found it, he was startled that you were coming home early, he’s probably been cheating and is the only next logical step to take. Sorry but you’re right, writings on the wall and you shouldn’t be blind to it. Good luck