Hi, I’m an afab virgin in her early 20s. To preface this I’m definitely not asexual or anywhere on that spectrum, I want to have sex someday and embrace my sexual thoughts and needs. I try to be sex positive.
This is also kind of whiney/TMI, sorry!
My problem is that I ONLY enjoy clit stimulation. Masturbating in any other way grosses me out to the point I can’t relax and enjoy it.
I hate fingering and feeling my insides moving around & clenching, I don’t like the texture of bodily fluids/lube (the stickiness of lube on my fingers- gack!), I’m not really experienced enough to enjoy penetration. Anal is alright, but I have IBD and don’t wanna play that game too much lol.
My breasts don’t really feel like anything and stimulating my g-spot kind of makes me feel like I’m going to vomit or pee.
Basically, most of this stuff just doesn’t feel… GOOD. I read all these posts and stories about people getting their world rocked, and I get upset that I can’t relate. I would really like to enjoy penetration (and experience it with another woman someday) but I just feel sick or uncomfortable.
What do I do? I feel so miserable about this. Even some tips on trying these things again while minimising my “icks” would be amazing, if that’s possible… Thanks in advance ❤️
6 comments
Some women may not discover how to explore their own pleasure until their 40s, either alone or with a partner.
Based on your description, it seems there might be a mental barrier hindering your enjoyment. If various sensations, including breast stimulation or fingering, don’t bring comfort and you find masturbation unsettling, it could be psychological. Keep in mind that every woman and every experience is unique, so it might take time to find what works for you.
Using the term “gross me out” suggests a potential psychological aspect, which may impact your ability to enjoy different forms of masturbation until you address and overcome this barrier.
I wish I had some solid advice for you. On one end, if those alternative methods of masturbation don’t work for you. Then just shrug your shoulders, and except that it doesn’t work for you. As long as you do find something that does work for you, then great.
I’ve met women in my travels that can’t stand any type of fingers near their vagina. Heck, I’ve even met men that detest blowjobs.
Everyone’s different. Focus on what does work for you and I think you’ll be fine.
Is there any reason you can’t just enjoy clitoral stimulation?
If you’re interested in sex with other women, it’s pretty likely you can find a partner who is on the same page with you. Penetration isn’t the be all and end all of female sexuality!
It might help to start from enjoying while there’s more going on than only clit stimulation. It’s a bit about finding out what can ADD to that inital feeling. You do something, and whatever comes with it is supposed to make it better. Better like just in that moment, or in general.
I’m a bit lost what you mean exactly with bodily fluids, there are so many. It’s fine that you don’t want to pee yourself or use blood. But it’s pretty much normal to get sweaty under the covers or that your pussy gets wet when you touch yourself. But in the end, no you don’t need to spit on yourself.
I mean, you can’t expect yourself to stay completely dry and like fresh out of the shower when you masturbate and when you’re getting off. Also, when you get really wet that fluid can be enough (if you really don’t want to use lube) to touch your ass.
Don’t worry about it too much. Just enjoy what you currently like and explore as needed. Sex is different with a partner and some things that feel awkward on your own may feel different when with another person. Also, if you are getting your ideas of what should feel good from porn, remember that porn is mostly geared to arouse men and may not depict what actually feels good to you.
Get to know yourself and enjoy the things you like. There is no standard…..
this is mostly a mental problem, so you should try conditioning yourself to be more okay with penetration. Masturbate normally, but once you’re really into it, just insert a small dildo and then keep masturbating normally with it inside you. You will get used to the feeling and start associating it with pleasure.
Sorry but what is “IBD”?
As for the rest – relax, it’s normal. I am a 40s guy and I know women in their 30s and 40s in your position – who totally dislike fingering and stuff and only love clit stimulation.
Just accept that this is your normal and this is you and go with the flow. As time progresses you might want other things, but for now don’t torture yourself.
If clit is your game – go get a clit vibrator. I woman I knew got herself a sucking penguin and said this is the best thing happening to her, so you might want to try one of these too (ask your local sex store or check online).
As for the pee feeling – this is what most women feel. Give yourself time, but as times go by try more and more your liquids and get more and more comfortable with the idea that this is part of you and embrace it as much as possible, because it is really you. Give yourself time when you do it, but get more and more familiar with your scents and tastes. Nothing wrong with that.
All you must do always is: 1) good hygiene, 2) good lubrication 3) relax 4) relax 5) check 3 and 4.
Enjoy!
Oh and again – what is IBD?