honestly curious to see these replies especially from all ages, since i guess it has become much more prevalent in the past 20 years or so. and why do you think it has not gone away? please be kind!!

43 comments

  1. I hate it. I need time and good convos I dont want random sex, i just want meaninful intimicy with someone I care about :/….

  2. It seems like men and women don’t like each other anymore and it’s difficult not to point fingers at the most widespread new normal for them to interact and relate. It doesn’t seem to work and I’m yet to see the people who embrace it for years and walk out as happy individuals. Geographic regions where people embrace it also seem to have worse marriage, fewer marriages, and fewer kids, so these theoretical arguments of why it’s necessary for relationships seem to be demonstrably false.

  3. The issue is the deception. Too many people are not clear they want just sex and intentionally deceive others to get it.

  4. I find it shallow and disgusting and think it degrades the bonding power of sex.

    For those reasons, I don’t partake. What other consenting adults do is their choice and I’m glad they can do so freely.

  7. I hate it. Dating just seems like such a fucking mess now, I just cannot be bothered anymore. Narcissism is everywhere, dating has been gameified by apps, you can be entirely written off as a person based off a photo by someone you’ve never met. I hate the culture, I hate the fact Tinder exists; I randomly see posts from /r/Tinder sometimes and it’s so…creepy is a strong word but the way guys treat it like a game and ask for hints like they’re stuck in a text-based RPG to try and fuck some girl they don’t care about is just so weird to me.

    I think we have forgotten how to just meet a woman and talk to her like a regular person and go from there. You take some Tinder speedrunner and sit them in a bar and ask them to talk to a woman in real life, they’d crumble.

    I don’t join in with it, that’s my view from the outside looking in basically. If you do it the ‘proper’ way by talking to real women and charming them and buying them a drink, fair play, enjoy yourself. If you treat women like a final boss on a mobile game, you’re just creepy to me, I can’t really explain it any other way than that.

  8. it’s made up. some dudes get pussy, some don’t. that’s how it’s always been and always will be.

  10. It’s not really my thing but i understand it. There is the need for sex, but not always the energy to become committed to a relationship. I’ve considered it a few times this past year but I don’t think it would really be my thing.

  11. A random hookup with a person I have no connection with is an experience so much worse than sleeping with someone I actually care for (not necessarily a committed partner) that I just… dont really care? Like if it happens it happens but you wont catch me putting much time or money into that (anymore).

    The only thing that annoys me is the people that are so engrossed in getting their validation from it that they stop to think about consequences – not using BC / Condoms, destroying friendships, rejecting people they perceive as good partners to continue fucking around etc.

    Also, and this is something I’ve noticed almost exclusively with women, a lot of them seem to be caught up in a cycle of sleeping with random guys, then regretting it, then doing it again, and I dont understand why, but I have multiple friends like this and saw it a lot working in a bar.

  14. Sex can be a fun, recreational activity for two or more people to engage in as often or as little as makes them happy.

    But if you’re not having fun, you don’t *have* to partake in it either.

  15. I’m a 66 year old liberal retiree/ agnostic grandmother, and I don’t think it’s mentally or spiritually healthy for young men or women (but oddly, for different reasons) that are hoping to have a meaningful connection and commitment with someone in the future that is built on trust, understanding, honesty, self respect and respect for one’s partner, but to honest, I’m not sure why I think this.

    Having said this, it’s not about being against “premarital sex” or any religious perspective, I guess it’s just an old fashioned, boomer thing. I would love to hear from other people on this issue.

  16. I’m in my mid 30’s and from my view it looks like a bunch of prolific fuckers are doing all of the hooking up and a majority of people are avoiding it.

  17. I was part of hook up culture and have grown to hate it personally.

    Having a connection and intimacy is just so much better than meaningless sex

  18. I think it is bad for both men and women. While there are people that handle meaningless sex, sex is not meaningless for most people.

  19. I decided to delete dating apps and to meet women organically. Best decision I could’ve made and happiest I’ve been in a while.

  20. I hate it, I’ll never be on that side, if we want to evolve and be better as a human race, we should think higher than our instincts.. We are higher than other higher animals i believe that’s why i refuse to act like them.. I’d rather be single forever than be on that side.

  21. I’ve told this story here before, but I’ll reiterate it here as it applies.

    In short, it’s probably the thing I regret most in my life. I’m engaged now, but before my now fiancé, I’ve had sex with over 70 different women; many of them less than 5 times per woman. Almost all of them were strictly hookups with no emotional connection to it. It ruined how I saw sex.

    No longer did I see sex as this physical expression of love between two people. I saw it as an animalistic act that was purely physical. Even after I got with my now fiancé, I struggled silently trying to overcome this. I battled to find emotion in it again. I finally have gotten there and it’s wonderful, but it was hell.

    Sex addiction is a real addiction and many people don’t even know they suffer from it. Hookup culture has NOT helped this.

  22. Awful. I crave genuine people and a genuine relationship. It cheapens the dating experience (because it’s not dating…) and makes it harder for guys like me who are looking for something genuine. Women that have been deceived have more caution and lack of trust even though I’m not that guy.

  23. I worry about the health consequence. Physical and mental. Hooking up is fine but it opens the door for risky stuff.

    Also, I believe most of the time it’s dissapointing/ awkward ect. Not building a foundation.

  27. I’m 29 and not at all interested in it. I’d rather find someone and have a genuine connection than just look for someone to sleep with.

    Sex is so much better with a connection

  29. That people are ruining their ability to pair bond and also getting too used to attention / ordering people like it’s door dash.

  31. It sounds like trying to fill emptiness, and no number of partners will ever satisfy the desire.

  33. I grew up during the AIDS epidemics glory days.

    Hell no. I don’t trust “hook up” people to be clean.

  34. It sucks because everyone is just looking for the next best thing. Nobody takes stock of who’s in front of them, and everyone believes they can do better than who they have currently. You could be seeing someone for like 6 months, and one day they’ll just ghost you because the person they were hoping would give them the time of day finally got around to them. Find someone who values you and exit the game fellas

  35. Personally I hate it. Sex carries no meaning to me without a connection, casual dating/sex has zero appeal to me at all and I’m worried I’ll struggle to find someone who’s looking for an actual relationship.

    Ultimately, people can do what they want but with how popular hookup culture has gotten it’s just made dating a lot worse imo

  37. Isn’t it just another way of saying sleeping around? Because we did that 20 years ago lol

  39. I don’t think most people are wired to have random casual sex with strangers and find it as fulfilling as a good monogamous relationship. It takes a certain personality. Very, very few people have the lack of commitment and lack of jealousy required to enjoy hookup culture.

    I think hookup culture is pushed too aggressively onto people who aren’t in the minority that would find hookup culture satifying.

    It’s crazy that people think they missed out on life unless they slept with a lot of strangers.

  41. 30M

    I hate it. I just want to build a real relationship, I date to settle and start a family, but many women even round my age are only interested in sleeping around. I don’t understand this focus on sleeping around, it’s just not for me I guess. Wouldn’t be a problem if there where women in my area who were also looking to form a genuine connection instead.

  43. I think it’s gross but I also think people are gross. I think hot tubs are gross. I also think hedonists are overwhelmingly boring but that’s all just me. I accept that people are animals but I’m attracted to the aspects of us that make us more than that.

    It hasn’t gone away because a lot of people disagree with me.

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