Long story short, we’ve been together 2 years, a truly amazing relationship, full of affection and understanding. I do feel like he understands the hidden parts of me. We’re both bi and we’ve been open about it since before we got together. When we started going out, I proposed that we are still allowed to have one night stands with the people of the same gender – so me with girls, him with guys. Neither of us have done it more than a few times a year since we’re both very busy, he works overtime to generate extra days off and spend them with me (we live 3h away from each other). I’ve thoroughly enjoyed flirting, making out, and texting with girls, even though it rarely leads to actual sex. I’ve been completely fine with him sleeping with guys from Grindr, I even found it hot and caught myself masturbating about it very often. Last night we had a few drinks and we were doing our biyearly relationship “catch up” – talking about how we feel in the relationship, what we can improve, is there anything we need to talk about – we both agreed we’re very happy and that we’re growing stronger with time. Then we started talking about sex and things we want to try, and it was really fun until my bf mentioned that he’s got a fantasy of being with several men at once and he quite likes doing as he’s told with men. For some reason that repulsed me. I don’t understand my feelings at all, I’ve known all this time he’s enjoyed being a bottom, but stating that he’s submissive towards men suddenly made him feel very unattractive in my eyes. Any ideas how I can approach this? I’m a total sub both with men and women
7 comments
“he’s submissive towards men suddenly made him feel very unattractive in my eyes” No idea. What was your expectation I guess?
I think this is because you’re a sub. You need your men to be dominant and that’s discordant with the image of him being submissive.
I think you need to re-frame this as he’s bi and he’s also a switch and allow him to settle in your mind as such – he’s not a sub, he’s a switch.
Is biyearly twice a year or once every 2 years
Considering you’re bi yourself, I doubt your boyfriend being bi is the root cause of the issue.
Can I ask what sort of roles you and your boyfriend take when in the bedroom together? Is he generally more dominant with you, perhaps? I wonder if the repulsion has to do with you maybe imagining him in a light that you aren’t used to seeing him in.
I am bi (woman) and I’m not attracted to bi men only straight men. I can’t control what I’m sexually attracted to , there is nothing like that.
I can’t be attracted to a man who likes dick I can be friends with bi men tho lol
Because despite what you’ve heard, humans are still animals. You, as a woman, want to feel like your man can protect you. Finding out he’s submissive to men touches on on of your most basic desires as a woman. You would probably be more attracted to the manlier guys fuckin your dude. I’m sure this sounds insensitive but it’s the only reason I can think of.
Probably gonna get downvoted based on the other responses, but I really think you need to unpack these feelings because it feels a little rooted in homophobia. You said yourself you’re fine with him being a sub to women, just not men. Would you feel okay if he said he felt repulsed by you enjoying being dominant sometimes and that it makes you less of woman because women should only be submissive? You are both switches. Why do you feel that is alright for you as a bisexual woman but not okay for him as a bisexual man?
Edit: For those who don’t read comments, she says she is a “total sub” in post but does clarify that she switches sometimes in the comments