So I’ve (24F) been able to attend a lot of corporate events and networking events. In my experience, a lot of the girls are great! The guys can be a mixed bag though—some have become great friends, older ones have been good mentors. And admittedly, there are a lot of people who are sleazy or scammy who are desperate for an SO or want to use you for connections and shady deals. I steer clear of these people, of course.
Once in a while, though, I run into people who are genuinely nice but extremely socially awkward. They even tell me that they are awkward and are not sure how to interact with people. I try to welcome them and treat them as respectfully and as nicely as people, but it is so difficult sometimes. I come from a place of understanding as I am sure I was socially awkward as well in middle school 10+ years ago.
Now, these people are my age, and I genuinely feel bad for them. I and my friends try to be friendly with them but they kind of kill the vibe. For example, one person I met recently kept making corny jokes about my name. (Example, if my name is Joan Smalls, they would repeatedly call me Joan Big). I just laugh it off and say, haha yeah, I got that joke a lot growing up! After a while of incessantly sending corny jokes to me (he dissected every aspect of my name and started making puns for it), he started to panic and apologized profusely for his social blunders. “I’m sorry I’ve offended you,” etc. I always have to reassure them that they did not offend me, but the general mood of the conversation has been ruined. Other people who have tried to be nice to them are tired also of their blunders and the way their convos kind of kill the mood.
I know I should be understanding because as a nice people pleaser, I used to apologize a lot as well, back in middle school. So I really try to reach out to socially awkward adults now cos I remember how I was when I was 12 years old.
But now I am a bit tired of reassuring them all the time. I know it is not my job to make them feel comfortable in a social event where they are new and I am already familiar with the people attending. Yet there are times wherein they are so awkward that I do not know how to respond to them anymore. I do not want to hurt their feelings, but they are so difficult to interact with. I would rather talk to someone who can converse with me properly.
I feel bad as I know they have no malicious intent but I really do not know how to properly interact with them after a while of them saying odd things. They end up realizing what they’re saying is kind of weird, they apologize profusely and get worried, I reassure them, and the cycle repeats itself. But there are moments when I am genuinely stumped at what to say to them, so my friends and I just laugh it off, but then they get worried they offended us again. Any advice on how I can continue being friendly even though I don’t know how to respond?
1 comment
The word is shame, you are embarrassed to be the center of attention in a tense situation. So you prefer to smile and go with the flow rather than confront and have “everyone look at you.”
The truth is that it’s okay to be assertive as long as you do it politely. You just say, look, I don’t like those kinds of jokes, you can stop making them for me. It was funny but that’s enough.
All this with firm and decisive body language.
In the end you will realize that that moment of shame is not a big deal, and that in return your image will be more respected and valued by your colleagues, which will become more self-confident.
Firmness, assertiveness and not being afraid to defend your positions. It is your life and you live it how you decide and based on your values. And others must respect that.