Guy [24M; 24F] I have been dating for 4 months was recently out of a LTR and in doubts wether he should go back to her and try again or try to pursue something serious with me. When I realised that he wasn’t as over her as it seemed at first I set my boundaries and told him to make a choice. We met two more times after that. Both were very emotional. He ended up telling me after our last weekend together (spent 2 days together after initial idea was to go for just coffee while we sort out our feelings) that even though he has developed feelings for me, he is not in a place where he can pursue something serious in the way I want it to right now and is not able to give me a definite time when he will. So he ended it saying it is not correct to hurt me like this and he is sorry. I am heartbroken, and I keep thinking of all the contradictory stuff he did. Sometimes I feel for him, other times I think he was a bad person for getting involved when he wasn’t done with his ex yet. But the truth is we had an amazing time together, and a lot of good stuff between us and it hit me like a train that he is just able to walk away from it. Should I ask for more questions and be even more supportive or should I just self-soothe, and move on? I keep thinking that maybe after he gets his life together he will contact me again, as he seemed as hurt as me to end things. I just have so many questions in my head right now I don’t have an answer to and it seems like if I don’t ask him now I might never find out.
Just want to add in advance: I work a lot, I go to the gym, I hangout with friends – it’s not that I don’t have anything else to do with myself, I just liked him a lot and I am wondering if I am misinterpreting stuff and should think of it as a fling or I should just wait and see if he comes back.
TL;DR dated 4 months, all went great, but he is hung up/still mixed about ex LTR, broke things off with m and I don’t know what to do with myself – what it al meant.
3 comments
He did the right thing by ending things early.
Let him go. Maybe he’ll pop back up again but you can’t live your life waiting for him to come back.
Respect his decision and move on. He gave you a perfectly reasonable answer and he doesn’t owe you any more than that.
It seems like he was pretty honest in the reason why, so asking more questions won’t really do anything. When I got out of a long term relationship I started dating another guy pretty quick, but mentally I was a mess and definitely not over my ex since I didn’t have time to process it all. I didn’t realize it until things were getting more serious and felt like a dick. Sounds like a pretty similar situation and asking more questions or being super supportive won’t bring him back, he needs time and space to sort himself out. Best thing would be to give him that.