For context, I (22F) work out regularly at the gym and don’t go out of my way to talk to men or haven’t been approached there. I usually get my workout in and leave, but a few days ago I made eye contact with a man who was walking in my direction and had his setup close to me. He then approached me and said, “I think you’re gorgeous may I have your contact info?” For the most part, I was shocked because this hadn’t happened to me at the gym before. We then chatted for a few days and he asked if he could see me this past weekend, but I declined as I had other plans. The thing that confused me the most was he was quick in his responsiveness and asked relationship-orientated questions. He wanted to take me on a date to get to know me better, in his words. I happily accepted the proposal as we were supposed to go out tonight. A few hours before our date, he texted me saying, “Before we go on this date I want to let you know that I am not looking for anything serious or long-term, but I would be happy to take you out on dates and hang out. I just wanted to let you know so I don’t waste your time.” I of course thanked him for his honesty and decided to decline his invitation. I am just disappointed in the fact that this generation of dating wants relationship benefits but not commitment. I honestly find it repulsive that some people act like they are looking for something but completely feel a different type of way. Now I am questioning if it has something to do with me or the fact that most people my age are just looking for something short-term. I don’t participate in hookup culture or go out of my way to date men because I prioritize my peace and advancing in my career. This isn’t the first time this has happened, I’ve had men approach me in different settings wanting to “get to know me,” and saying I’m gorgeous only to throw the curveball of not wanting anything serious after I declined to hook up with them when the topic is touched upon relating to sex. One man I went on multiple dates with stated “You’re my type in terms of what I look for in a partner, but I am currently unable to meet you in that way.” He had asked if he could still be in my life but I declined the offer and wished him the best. What is up with dating??
4 comments
It’s both genders. There’s less good male candidates that you want and most women are causal now. I’m a 22 too but as a Man U just gotta go older & seek maturity and potential. Granted I’m meeting these women online literally it’s like 1/40 I meet are girls Id consider to be my gf. Believe me it starts with women how they’re not valuing themselves and bodies and it’s a trickle down effect that men lie so they’ll get it and why commit when it’s out here so accessible? And the men who have no success give up so there’s less candidates you’d want. On top of ghosting is more prevalent now cause of online it’s a multitude of factors and women making their own money so they need men less so they’re more picky. The WORST thing u can do is prioritize your career past mid-late twenties and not be actively looking then u have a clock men don’t so always go for older they’ll be more mature. I told my friend who’s girl advice and it worked v well for her. You do not want to work and be independent past your 30’s do not listen to modern feminism
No, how would that even be caused by you? Commitment is not everyone’s favourite thing. At least he made it clear this early and didn’t waste more of your time and energy.
To be fair, you sound level-headed and goal-oriented. Hopefully, this disappointment is not going to throw you off your journey. Keep your boundaries as they are working 🙂
As far as I know most people under 25 aren’t looking for commitment.
You need a [Riingle](https://www.riingle.com) – DM me and I’ll send you a free one, because I’m on a mission to make dating easier. Hang in there!