Hi thank you for your help, I wanna preface by saying I know this can be a touchy subject for some people and I hope this can stay on topic and maybe I can get some insight. I love my gf I can see myself marrying her one day and I want her to be happy and fulfilled. That being said I don’t wanna be unhappy or unfulfilled, I don’t want something to cause resentment in the future and I need some advice in how to deal with it.
We’ve been together for 3 years, live together and are currently building a life together. The love is there, probably better than ever. We’ve worked on issues, been through our lowest lows and considered ending the relationship, but we fought and worked out those issues and came out of the other side stronger. She’s the loml and I am hers.
I am, however, distraught because even though the love and our relationship has gotten much stronger and better this past year, I’ve slowly started to realize I am not satisfied sexually with how things are.
Idk what to do as I feel like what I’ve come to find out my kinks are, she is definitely not into.
I’ve come to realize that I am not satisfied with only her as a sexual partner, I want a more. I have no interest in having a polyamorous relationship as my feelings are for her only, but I can’t shake the thoughts of wanting to sleep with other people.
I’ve brought up perhaps trying a threesome or letting each other sleep with others but she was not into the idea and said she didn’t believe that it was appropriate in a relationship.
We are sexually active although not as much as in the beginning. Her birth control makes her period really weird as it feels like it comes in two week intervals where we have sex maybe 4-5 times and then there’s a dry period of two weeks.
I’ve mentioned that I have needs to her and asked her to perhaps not be dry and do other things during those two weeks and she said that she didn’t want to because then she’d get horny as well and couldn’t do anything about it. (Neither of us like sex during her period, thought she’s more adamant due to her heavy flow)
This has come up a few times and she said she’d try to do more but so far it’s been all talk and nothing has changed
I’m frustrated, I know I need more but I love her and I’m willing to be partially unsatisfied if this issue can’t be resolved. Maybe I’m just wrong here and need to figure out a way to take care this issue myself but any advice would be appreciated.
I don’t wanna hurt her, her feelings or make her feel like she’s not enough for me. I know it’s my issue but it’s starting to weight heavy on my mind.
Ps: just in case anyone thinks it’s not implied. Yes I masturbate, it does take care of the immediate problem but it is not a long term solution to overall unsatisfaction.
3 comments
I think first it’s really important that you figure out if you want to have sex with other people or if you just want more sex with her? Because if you want sex with other people, there’s a much bigger potential issue at hand.
It sounds like you’re beginning to accept your own sexuality and in the process, it highlights the possibility that the two of you aren’t sexually compatible enough to sustain the relationship
That’s ok. Most of the time, we need time to come across this realization. It’s rarely convenient but as far as “knowledge of self” goes, it’s necessary.
In your shoes, I think you need to take some risks here and articulate what you want from your sex life and hear her state the same for her. If the distance feels too big then both of you need to be willing to walk away from the relationship. If you’re not willing to do that then you’ll need to readjust your expectations around sex in your relationship and learn to really accept things as they are as the cost you’re willing to pay to continue your relationship.
You may just be unwilling to be monogamous and if that’s how you are wired that’s fine. Just don’t cheat on her, if you want to have sex with many partners and she doesn’t want to be in an open relationship the moral thing is to break up with her.